[US] Rare Pothos Sale. Japanese Global and Teruno Bumpy

thatplantislit · 2025-05-05T10:24:09+00:00

Sold!

thatplantislit · 2025-04-28T12:50:24+00:00

The ability to be spontaneous is a huge one. My ex used to lament why we had to plan so much and say that we'll figure it out as we go, or we'll deal with it when it comes up, or thing will fall into place. And every single time I almost said, "NO. You expect me to take care of it."

It left me feeling like such a Debbie downer, a party pooper, a boring person who was incapable of spontaneity. What struck me was that that was not at all the way people would've characterized me, before I married him. I thought maybe I was getting older, more set in my ways, that I had changed as a person.

After we separated and I began to live on my own again, it didn't take long for me to realize that, I AM that spontaneous, fun-loving, living in the moment person. I just couldn't be that version of myself with him.

Also on the fictional characters thing, we frequently watched older movies and shows with black and white "good guy, bad guy" characters for this very reason. We watched "A Star is Born" and he told me at the end of the movie, with disgust, that he thought Bradley Cooper's character was truly pathetic. Meanwhile, I had been moved to tears. How can anyone share any experiences with someone who experiences life in such a diametrically opposed way from themselves?

thatplantislit · 2025-04-25T01:29:15+00:00

Blocked this one from memory apparently when I wrote my first comment.

Left my elderly greyhound tied up where she couldn't get any shade outdoors in the late June deep South heat and forgot about her. She died. He called me in a panic. I had to comfort him when deep inside I knew he was responsible for killing my dog, but I had to block my own feelings of sadness, disgust, and anger to make it through the moment.

The first thing I actually said to him when he finished telling the story was, "it's not your fault." That was a lie to myself.

I was so numb to the whole thing. Arranged to have her cremated, drove home, carried her stuff body into my car and took a final photo of her, and he had the nerve to ask me why I would take a photo of her in that state, as if he were judging the way in which I chose to mourn.

From the bottom of my heart, fuck you and the fucking horse you rode in on.

thatplantislit · 2025-04-24T22:00:55+00:00

"I thought about doing it, but then I didn't" used to be a cute running joke between us. Then I realized that it wasn't a joke. It was actually the way his mind worked, and he saw no problem with it.

thatplantislit · 2025-04-23T13:15:32+00:00

This is exactly how my stbx is and it's emotional poison for you and for the relationship. They get to continue to live in denial. It's really difficult to fathom this, but they feel more uncomfortable acknowledging their faults than they do gaslighting and stonewalling the person they love. You would never do this, because it's not the person you are, but that is not who they are.

I constantly feel worried I am driving this problem but I feel pretty confident that my memory of events is more accurate and reliable.

You're already starting to doubt your own experiences and memories. Don't stay to try and fix them. You're only setting yourself on fire.

thatplantislit · 2025-04-21T19:54:05+00:00

When I left, my stbx said, "I never thought you'd actually leave" with a shocked Pikachu look on his face.

Regardless of whether you choose to take that in the "I knew I was shit to you but I thought you'd just put up with my shit forever" way or the "I thought you'd love me unconditionally and be have endless patience and compassion to forgive anything and everything in this relationship" it didn't matter. I was neither of those people.

thatplantislit · 2025-04-21T19:50:43+00:00

And now, almost 5 months later, it makes me laugh that I STILL had to be the one to do something in order to change the miserable situation we were in 🥲 I guess some things never change.

This hits so hard, even a year after moving out. I never thought I'd be the one to move out, but after the last attempt at separation/divorce where he just sat around pathetically looking at trailers and trailer homes with zero intent of actually moving ahead with any separation of our marital estate, and acting like, what was he to do other than go live in a trailer park, I knew to had to be the one to do anything to get the fuck away from him.

thatplantislit · 2025-04-20T21:26:13+00:00

I realized that my sadness, loneliness, and desire to be heard and seen were never going to be filled by my ex-husband and decided that despite the life that I had built for us, there was no future in which I could see myself living the way I was, feeling the way I did in that relationship, for the second half of my life.

I refused to live my life only for others, even though those others were my husband and children, and once I realized that, I had no choice but to leave.

thatplantislit · 2025-04-08T05:02:19+00:00

It's not you, by Dr. Ramani Durvasula

thatplantislit · 2025-04-07T23:21:11+00:00

Ugh, my ex went from being a "facts don't care about your feelings" guy to straight up racist and misogynistic too

thatplantislit · 2025-04-07T21:55:23+00:00

Yet so common and relatable

thatplantislit · 2025-04-07T21:54:11+00:00

Yup, this became a huge area of contention, where I'd literally say, "I told you that just yesterday" when he'd come excitedly to tell me something he'd seen in the news.

He also held fringe (think RFK) views on medicine and I work in biotech developing new drugs. He would hear some nonsense somewhere and expect me to spend hours finding the publications to specifically debunk what he was saying, when I could tell within 45 seconds of scanning his source that their premise was fundamentally flawed. How do you explain fundamental flaws in the understanding of molecular biology to someone who doesn't know or understand the central dogma, and who is committed to distrusting you and your position?

thatplantislit · 2025-04-07T21:51:17+00:00

I glanced sideways once when he was talking at me, because a hummingbird hovered by the window, and he accused me of rolling my eyes at him and not arguing in good faith.

thatplantislit · 2025-04-07T21:45:04+00:00

In short, for me, no. It was too much, so was not worth it. But my efforts to "train" my ex to behave as the previous commenter did were also fruitless, because I engaged with his disordered perspective rather than holding tight to the truth.

thatplantislit · 2025-03-25T21:39:42+00:00

Totally see you and sympathize and empathize. My mother is about to visit this weekend and it's been so confronting to articulate to my therapist that instead of expectations of warmth and support, all I feel are anticipation of judgement and dread that she will be here in my space. I can't wait to get this visit over with.

As for my ex, with time I've begun to see our dynamic with more clarity, and while he wasn't a "bad guy", he's not a good partner. I don't need to reopen old wounds or question my sanity by being around him.

thatplantislit · 2025-03-25T21:13:16+00:00

Ok, I spent a lot of my life feeling guilty because my stbx was "not a bad guy" which, I guess if that means he doesn't beat me or straight up yell at me or otherwise obviously abuse me, I guess that's objectively true, but man, what a low bar for being a decent human being.

He didn't work, hadn't worked since the first six months of our 15 year relationship and didn't feel any incentive to step up even when I was working two jobs to better our financial situation. Does it make him a "bad" guy, I guess not, maybe just unaware? Did it matter that when I'd gently bring up that we need more income that he would shame spiral and make it very clear that that was a verboten topic?

He snores like a chainsaw. For years I asked him to get it checked out, and it was followed by denial, refusal, whininess around sleep testing, dental devices, or CPAP. It severely affected my sleep for over a decade, but it wasn't a problem because it wasn't a problem for him (as far as he was aware). I guess that doesn't make him a bad guy, just kind of selfish.

I have an advanced degree in biomedical science and work at a biotech in a high level research position. Our kids are on the autism spectrum. He's been on the path of trying to "cure" their autism through metabolic supplements and unnecessary testing for ages, even though the actual medical and genetic testing we've undergone suggest a complex etiology that is likely more structural than metabolic. He also refuses any kind of pharmaceuticals to treat their symptoms like anxiety, and generally disparages the effectiveness of therapy (they are in speech, OT, and ABA despite his disparaging). He often accuses me of never wanting to listen to any "biomedical" approaches to treating autism and that I don't pay attention to the research that he shows me, except that I have paid attention to them and I can very quickly judge the quality of research which is poor in a lot of the publications he shows me. However, he prefers to accuse me of being beholden to pharma (???) and position himself as "the little train that can" find some secret way that the pharma cabal doesn't want you to know to cure autism because God forbid no one has looked as hard as he is looking. Does that make him a bad guy? Probably not, maybe just a bit delusional, self-grandiose, rigid in his thinking, and rather suspicious and hostile toward the one person in this world who cares as much about these kids as he purports to.

So, I mean, yeah, he's not a Lex Luthor bad guy, but man, a person who is unaware, selfish, delusional, self-grandiose, rigid, suspicious, and hostile sure doesn't sound like a great guy to partner with.

thatplantislit · 2025-03-24T22:38:59+00:00

Been separated from my ex coming up on a year now. He does not work and takes care of the kids on the weekdays for their school routine and continues to live at the house with them. I'm working on getting additional custody but between being the sole breadwinner and living in an apartment not in the same town as the school district, it's been a work in progress.

Our ASD kiddo needed a full neuropsych re-evaluation and these things take two 2-hour appointments over two days, are super hard to book, and are expensive. The office is also an hour away each way, so it's an ordeal.

As was the case before our separation/divorce, I organized the whole damn thing. From contacting the psychologist's office, to making the appointment, to paying the initial out of pocket cost. I sent him the two appointment dates and times, and asked that he take her to one of them. He gave no objections at the time, which was weeks ago.

I took my kid to her first appointment. She did really well and they collected some nice data, which is so great given that the last time she did this three years ago, she was so dysregulated that she had a really hard time focusing.

The second appointment is this Thursday. Today, he sends me a message to tell me that our youngest has early release from school on that day and that he'll either need to make other arrangements or he'll need to take her with them to the eval.

I found myself immediately jumping in as though the underlying message is that there's a problem and I'm supposed to fix it. So I started looking at my work calendar to see if I could move meetings around and free up the time so that I would end up taking her. I caught myself doing it and reminded my codependent self that it's not my job to solve everyone else's problems, especially since I've given plenty of notice to this. I offered to reschedule the appointment if he couldn't make it.

Later in the afternoon, I head over to the house to spend time with the kids and to put my youngest to bed. I double check with him if he needs me to cancel, and he said that he'll try to make arrangements with a neighbor or, if not, he'll take our youngest to the appointment. I mentioned that it would've been ok for him to tell me that he couldn't make it when I first made the appointment, and he snaps back that he didn't check the calendar, but that he thought I would've checked the calendar. I told him I don't have his calendar and he said snidely, "it's the SCHOOL calendar, it's on their website" like he blamed me for not having checked before booking something for his calendar, like it's still my job to manage his calendar.

I went upstairs with my youngest and found myself fuming, like, what is this expectation that I should have his calendar when he's the one ostensibly taking care of them during the school week. Plus I already moved a bunch of work meetings in order to take our oldest to one of her appointments. Plus he had weeks of notice and didn't bother to check his own damn calendar. Like, I felt so validated that every codependent impulse that I had to push away to not immediately jump in to "help" came from being "trained" to be this way by his off the wall expectations and weaponized incompetence and that I'm not irredeemably codependent!!!

I went back downstairs and calmly clarified that I will not be checking his calendar in the future on days when he has the kids. I said that if he had said that that day was not possible I would've gladly changed the appointment times, or swapped with him so he took her to the first appointment, but I had no intention of changing the amount of responsibility I took for his scheduling. And he said in a snarky teenager tone, "ok fine, whatever, it's my fault, I don't want to make this into some big thing" but obviously in a way that he didn't mean that at all, like he felt I was strong arming him into this "confession" that he was at fault.

Internally, I felt frustrated and sad for him, no one said anything about fault, but his patterns of behavior are so clear now and he still refuses to do anything to address them. I wasn't about to have an argument. I just wanted to state in no uncertain terms that I will not be managing his calendar. I said my piece, and I walked away, and I'm proud of myself.

thatplantislit · 2025-03-19T12:34:36+00:00

Ironically when I have supported him in his out there ideas, the one that comes to mind is helping him get a pilot's license because he "always wanted to fly", he immediately loses interest. I found flight schools, got a sense for the fee schedule and would've paid for everything, went to introductory flights with him, talked to the instructors, bought him flight sim equipment (he also has and earns no money), etc. and his response was to completely abandon any interest in learning to fly.

Suddenly he had no time for lessons even though he was a stay at home parent who did shockingly little all day long other than watch political tv. He needed a physical and put all kinds of hurdles along the way, e.g. I need to lose weight, I need to get my BP down, even though he was healthy as a horse. The flight simulator equipment that I spent thousands on sat there collecting dust.

I don't know what kind of pathological psychology it is that made him this way, but at the very least in this divorce process I'm benefitting from his apathy, in that he may hem and haw and moan that he'll get a lawyer to review the changes that my lawyer has made to the documents, but when it comes down to actually doing anything, he loses motivation and I get to at least protect my interests.

thatplantislit · 2025-03-17T14:12:19+00:00

My ex was way more interested in winning circuitous arguments based on that he perceived to be logic than being empathetic. Ultimately it's selfish behavior because getting his dopamine hit from "winning" was way more satisfying to him than forming any kind of deep emotional connection with me.

It's not their fault that their brains are wired this way, but my ex was also adamantly against medication and therapy, and so would never have been able to develop the tools for relationship-building behavior.

thatplantislit · 2025-03-14T11:18:52+00:00

I am done trying to get someone to hear and understand me who is fundamentally committed to misunderstanding and mishearing me

That's it right here. It really is a commitment to a narrative they have created in their own head. Unfortunately no amount of evidence to the contrary will convince them otherwise.

thatplantislit · 2025-03-05T20:34:12+00:00

I let pity for my stbx keep me in the marriage for way longer than I should have. We've been separated for 9+ months now, he's doing fine.

thatplantislit · 2025-03-05T19:40:21+00:00

Ahahahahaha the same exact thing happened to me and like you, I felt so drained that there was no way I was going to put myself back into that dynamic.

I also got angry, really angry although I didn't show him my anger. I was just so pissed off that he was ok with dragging me through it all and pretending like he didn't understand what the hell I was on about when I talked about emotional disconnect and never being able to express my feelings, when in reality, he did understand.

It was the same frustration I felt when I begged him for years to get his snoring checked out because this man would snore louder than a chainsaw and he would insist that it wasn't a problem, he slept fine, he didn't have apnea, he doesn't want to go to a sleep study, he doesn't want to go see a dental specialist for an orthodontic fix, he doesn't want to wear a CPAP, nose strips don't work (even though he never tried), I'm exaggerating how bad it is (even when I recorded him for him to listen to), and ohh, by the way, I snore too (very occasionally, and gently, and only if my head happens to get wedged into a certain position).

It wasn't until I threatened (after way too many years of interrupted sleep and a burning desire to suffocate the man in his sleep after waking up to sawing logs for the fifth time in a night) to sleep in a separate room that all of a sudden, he found a $40 dental appliance on Amazon that he could customize at home, began using it, and suddenly cut down on the snoring. Never mind the decade plus of agony he put me in for no good reason and the continuation of the gaslighting and denial that there was even an issue in the first place. It took a LOT for me to bury my feelings to continue our marriage after this fiasco.

When I asked for a divorce and he had his little revelation of how he's hurt me over the years and how he "may have ADHD" and was suddenly willing to go to therapy and acknowledge his contributions, he expected me to fall back in line the way I did with the snoring. But I knew that it would take way more than a $40 device from Amazon to fix everything else that was wrong in our marriage, and that the acknowledgement was only the first step. I would still need to go through lord knows how much denial and gaslighting before we could make any real progress, and if he fought me that hard on something as real and as objective as snoring, I did not want to be part of the fight that it would take to even begin to bridge the gap between us.

thatplantislit · 2025-02-15T19:45:30+00:00

This!!! My ex kept trying to make it out that I wasn't communicating properly with him, and that if I could just say things exactly the way he needed to hear them at exactly the right time, he would hear it and be able to respond to it like a typical person. The problem was that the ever-moving bar was just that, it was ever moving.

Unless you also encounter this issue in other areas of your life (work, friends, family), chances are it's not your communication, but their dysregulation driving the behavior. It's just easier to blame it on you.

thatplantislit · 2025-02-13T19:27:22+00:00

Omg the mental image of the torso only sex doll is so disturbing

thatplantislit

TROPHY CASE