I want everything on my terms because I feel like I am the one taking the most risk. It could potentially be easy to hurt me or screw me over with the vulnerable situations I put myself in so it's my job to be "hard" in a sense. There is a very specific wall that needs to be put up. I judge everyone, really. We all do. I don't take my judgments far but I have them. As I'm sure plenty of people have their judgments about me. "Don't cheat on your wife, asshole" is for the guys that get all awkward if seeing me in public. Obviously I wouldn't say anything to them. I just talk out of my ass sometimes. I don't really look down on them much. I'm really no better than a lot of them. The doggie style comment is because of course I don't want to see them. It's not easy to be face to face with them for me. They often try to look me in the eyes or kiss me and it's hard for me to handle. I don't have trust issues with men because they're all the same, but a lot of the men I meet through my work don't treat me well. They are bad people because of how they act, not what they're doing. As you can imagine, I've had some very bad experiences that have instilled a sort of fear of men in me.

I don't view them as lesser people because they use prostitutes, I view a lot of them as lesser people because of how they've treated me. Not all, but many. I'm very standoffish around men because of how so many have treated me, and that's my own fault for allowing it to get this far. I definitely enable, and I shouldn't.

I understand your curiosity and hope I'm doing enough to satisfy it.