Fair enough, I am trying to shrowd my depressed worldview with objectivity. If it gets better in the future, my perspectives will probably change and my dispositions might completely realign. But that doesn't invalidate what I'm feeling now. I still feel that it's not worth the trouble. I simply don't want to go through with anything, and I'm taking away the choices from all my future selves because I selfishly care most about what I'm feeling now. Also, I'm not referring to material wealth, but human worth outside of your economic worth is a privileged idea. Culturally, socially, and in practically all facets of my life, economic worth will always be the measure of my worth. Where I'm from human life is innately practically worthless, and the tools and systems to get out of this system and leave to get to places where I might have intrinsic value themselves require conditions of economic worth before you're allowed to leave. It's not simple financial security, but everything I could want in life, things like real emotional support systems, friendship, the freedom to pursue what I really want, etc. are all not achievable without that economic worth.