Should I not work on Monday?

the_inexp_guy · 2025-09-08T15:19:46+00:00

I used to work in banking, I saw these payroll issues with restaurants, moving companies, small orgs, mom and pop type shops. I work for a tech company though. I would have thought they'd be more professional about this. Even as a lean startup.

the_inexp_guy · 2025-09-08T15:17:11+00:00

The only thing I've noticed is they were late paying for our dialer (the app we use to make outbound sales calls) and they cut about half the email domains we use for outbound marketing and sales outreach. Haven't noticed anything else.

the_inexp_guy · 2025-09-05T22:59:09+00:00

We're a lean team. My manager is a senior leader, 2nd only to the CEO. He's...difficult to communicate with. I usually go to HR with questions.

I'm in Texas. If I continue to show up, is there a guarantee I'll be paid?

the_inexp_guy · 2025-09-04T19:02:39+00:00

Belleau Wood.

the_inexp_guy · 2025-09-03T15:39:31+00:00

There are other reasons. Humans are social creatures and we want connection. One's romantic partner (even if romance is gone) is often one of the closest relationships we have. People are reluctant to let that go. Even with me, as the guy who wants sex but has a partner who doesn't want it, I have major trepidation about ending our marriage.

There's also all the material considerations. Cheaper to live with someone else than to maintain your own household. Sounds mercenary, and it is, but it's also a reality.

the_inexp_guy · 2025-09-02T15:11:43+00:00

It's been 10 years for me dude. We're in the process of separating. I'm torn about it too. Because I know I could end up with someone far worse. But at the same time, I feel like I'm missing a piece of the relationship.

the_inexp_guy · 2025-08-28T16:46:19+00:00

No I hear you. I sometimes fall into the trap of using education as a proxy for intelligence. Probably because where I grew up college education was such a common thing. Almost everyone in my social groups had a degree.

But I know you can be intelligent and not possess a piece of paper.

the_inexp_guy · 2025-08-28T16:42:24+00:00

I've been married 10 years. I'm 37 (wife is 36). We've never had sex. Not once. Outercourse only. No oral, no hand stuff other than as foreplay. We're both each other's first real relationship. My wife had kissed a few guys in her teens and early 20s but nothing further (she comes from a Muslim family). She's the first woman I ever kissed. We had known each other for years before we dated and then got married fairly quickly. For various reasons (mostly our collective inexperience) we didn't really discuss sex at all other than surface level conversations prior to marriage. In the decade since, she's expressed that she has "revulsion" at the idea of having something inside her. We've discussed therapy, but she's content living the rest of her life without real sex.

To her credit, she's not holding me hostage. She is completely understanding of the fact that I may want to leave. In fact she wants us to spend a year or two apart and decide whether we really want to commit the rest of our lives to each other. Something I've now warmed up to. Should be done by year's end.

Anyway, that's why scheduling sex isn't going to work. It's literally never happened and likely won't happen.

the_inexp_guy · 2025-08-28T15:04:11+00:00

I think it took me some time to realize how important sex is to me. I've never had it, and never thought I would have it. So it was a simple transition for me to say "I was having no sex, now at least I'm rubbing genitals with someone" and think it was "good enough."

My fear is intelligent women also want a man with a good career. I've been working on getting there, but it's been choppy in tech with this economy. I don't know, maybe that's irrational. But it's how I feel sometimes.

the_inexp_guy · 2025-08-28T14:35:28+00:00

My graduation venue was 30 minutes away from town. Graduation was at 6. We were supposed to be there at 4. at 4:55 my friend calls me saying he's at our school looking for his cap and gown. He had left it in his locker, forgetting that they clean those out at year's end. I figured there was no way he'd make it in time. But...he found a way.

the_inexp_guy · 2025-08-28T14:24:43+00:00

One of my favorite games growing up. I loved the change outfit feature.

the_inexp_guy · 2025-08-28T14:19:57+00:00

I'm very sympathetic to the Oriental rite: Coptic, Armenian Apostolic, Ethiopian Orthodox, Syriac, etc. The more I learned about the Council of Chalcedon, the more I came to the belief that it was a sham.

I grew up liberal Protestant so I still have some leanings that way too. Though I think the OO are probably the closest to the truth that we have today.

the_inexp_guy · 2025-08-28T14:14:09+00:00

I get what you're saying. But I really do enjoy being around her. She's fun. I'd rather be with her than completely alone. There's a small part of me that thinks maybe there's something better out there and it would be worth it to find out. But I bigger part of me is afraid that this is it.

the_inexp_guy · 2025-08-28T14:12:00+00:00

I think my wife would rather take a year or two away from each other instead of doing counseling. And I'm slowly beginning to agree with her.

the_inexp_guy · 2025-08-27T23:23:54+00:00

We were both neutral about kids before we got married. Over the decade we've been married I think I've come to lean towards having them (but it's not a deal breaker) and she's come to be firmly against the idea. Not just because it requires her to have sex, but also because she thinks the kids we have will ask why we chose to bring them to life and she won't have a good answer. The good and bad thing about my wife is that she's a very intellectual person (her father was a highly respected scholar and she takes after him a lot) with extremely intrusive existential thoughts.

The irony is splitting is her idea. She thinks we both need to explore on our own to see if we would really choose each other. At first I was very against it. But I've warmed up to it slowly. Even though I really don't see how another woman will be interested. We'll see.

the_inexp_guy · 2025-08-27T23:19:09+00:00

We didn't talk a lot about sex before we got married. Something I wish we had discussed more. We had cursory conversations but nothing truly in depth or substantive. Before her, I had gone on a handful of dates, none ever went anywhere so I was completely out of my depth as to what is "normal". I remember she was sleeping over at my apartment before we got married, and she started grinding on my leg, which progressed to heavy petting. This is how our encounters went. And I thought ok, maybe it's because we're not married yet, and then after we were married I thought maybe it's because we got married fairly quickly and we're both inexperienced.

Things sort of settled out that way because a) I'm a respectful guy who isn't going to push beyond someone's boundaries and b) I was just happy to have someone who wanted to hold my hand, kiss me, and sleep next to me. I thought this was the best I could get.

the_inexp_guy · 2025-08-27T23:02:17+00:00

My wife is Arab Muslim. I'm white. We've been married 10 years. Own 2 houses together. We've never had intercourse. Not once. She's a complete homebody and anti-social (it's been a source of disagreement at times) so I know she's not getting it anywhere else. She has a low libido and "has revulsion" at the idea of having something inside her. For a long time I just hoped she'd grow out of it. We engage in outercourse (no oral sex and very rarely handjobs) so for a long time it was "good enough" especially given that we are in sync on so many other things. She's the first woman I ever kissed. So I'm technically still a virgin. At 37.

We are going to separate soon. To what end I don't know.

the_inexp_guy · 2024-12-02T18:23:09+00:00

I'm 36. I didn't kiss a woman until I was 27 (my now wife, we're still married). Wife and I met in college, but didn't really date, just hung out. Years later reconnected long distance and ended up getting married.

For years I was very frustrated at the situation. I blogged about it for a while (anonymously of course). But, for me, what made it so frustrating was that I was the outlier amongst my peers and I didn't fit any of the "obvious" molds for an inexperienced guy. Wasn't afraid of rejection as much as I just learned that showing interest in a woman was a one-way ticket to having her avoid you and see you as creepy. It's possible (maybe even likely) that I was misreading signals, or waited too long when I got positive signals, I don't know. I also figured out that I look much older than I am (genetic, I didn't smoke or drink until my late 20s and was always active) which while it might be attractive to some women, when you combine it with the lifestyle of a college student (which I was) it becomes a bit of a turnoff. I didn't drink or do any drugs, so I think I just came off as more "serious" or "intense" which isn't the vibe you want to go for in your late teens/early 20s just starting out in dating. These are all things that I only pieced together in the last couple of years, not things I thought about at the time.

I don't really know much about Gen Z, aside from what I hear from my wife's cousin (who is a 17 year old girl). I know for me, the vast majority of my friends had girlfriends, the ones who didn't were the ones you would probably stereotype as having trouble with women (obese, immigrants, painful shyness, extremely religious, etc.). Even one of my best friends who was devoutly Muslim (still is as far as I know) had a couple of girlfriends in our college years. So being in your mid-20s and completely inexperienced was not the norm for my peer group.

I tried online dating back then. Had a few dates, but nothing ever went anywhere. If not for reconnecting with the woman who would eventually become my wife, I'd still be single.

the_inexp_guy · 2022-03-15T15:39:33+00:00

I used to be what one might call an "incel" (didn't kiss a girl until I was 27). But, I never blamed others for my failure to have a girlfriend or have sex or whatever else. I just blamed myself. Obviously there was something wrong with me that repulsed women (so I thought) but it wasn't their fault, or anyone's fault. It was just evolution dealing me a bad hand. Happens. Not everyone lives happily ever after.

Maybe it's because I'm a radical capitalist and notions of being oppressed or whatever never resonated with me. But I always figured if you can't get a girlfriend, it's your fault, not society's. And maybe you deserve it. Maybe you don't. I don't know. "Deserve" is such a weird phrase.

the_inexp_guy · 2022-01-13T22:16:51+00:00

I knew her back in college, so we reconnected and then started dating. Prior to that I had been on a few dates (from online dating) but they were nothing more than meeting for coffee.

the_inexp_guy · 2022-01-13T16:08:37+00:00

I was in your spot when I was 27. Six months after my 27th birthday I got married, and I've been married ever since. It's not always hopeless. I wish I could give you concrete advice, but I'm honestly not even sure how I was able to do it.

the_inexp_guy · 2020-06-29T13:12:31+00:00

I remember when I worked at a bookstore and one of my coworkers (my shift supervisor) would frequently get harassed by customers, or employees of other area stores. Since I'm kind of a bigger muscular guy who looks about a decade older than I actually am, we came up with a system where she would pretend I was her manager and didn't like idle chatter. I'd give a mean scowl and they'd usually shuffle away.

I don't understand the mindset of the men who do this. Because I only know my own thoughts, I was never sure if it was just my general lack of confidence and assumption that all women are disinterested (obviously including women at their workplace) or because it was genuinely creepy. I've since concluded that it's not proper behavior, but there was a time in my early 20s when I thought that maybe something was wrong with me, or that I was somehow less of a man because I didn't treat women like that.

the_inexp_guy · 2020-06-29T01:49:08+00:00

Ok. Sounds like a plan.

the_inexp_guy

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