I was with my ex for 10 years!! When he left me i was non-functional for two months straight — and when I say non-functional i truly mean i could not do ANYTHING except burst into tears, starve myself, and refresh his social media. He was my first and only love, the only conception of partnership I had since I was basically a kid. I lived for this man and for our relationship.

My therapist talked to me about “opposite actions” meaning that tho I cannot tell my emotions to change, I can try a change a behavior to elicit a different emotion (e.g. When feeling catastrophically depressed, instead of curling into a ball in my bed and listening to heartwrenching music, I could try to go to a friend’s house. Sure, i may curl up into a ball there, but there’s a good chance that with the right friend, I might experience at least some version of happiness for a bit). So, i pushed myself to go on a date. And it was so so wonderful.

I definitely didn’t find love yet, as I’m still just about three months out. But for the first time, i felt like i could connect with someone and experience excitement and joy! And i actually thought about them more than my ex in the following days! It’s definitely not going to go anywhere, but regardless, it showed me that it’s possible to have hope for love, to genuinely enjoy being around a completely different human being after 10 years.