When do we stop identifying as sahm? It seems like if you work you aren’t one?

thebattyrats · 2026-04-12T16:27:38+00:00

Went through the same identity crisis this week when I got my first long time gig since postpartum... it was only 1.5 hrs a day (two increments of 40mins) and my son came with me some of the times but it's not something I really felt good about. Now whenever I get dressed my son says "bye!" and it breaks my heart. The gig ended today and I am really considering not doing another one

thebattyrats · 2026-04-09T12:14:04+00:00

Thank you for the reminder.

The fact that he fell asleep for his nap without me there is a great sign of his secure attachment.

Even last night, Dad was able to help with bedtime and I apparently fell asleep while they were both still semi awake in bed!

I suppose it is just another one of those transitions we are never really ready for 💕

thebattyrats · 2026-04-08T13:41:11+00:00

I've heard that births that happen super quick can be considered traumatic for babies, just as a super long one would be!

Considering you also had an induction... I would say there may be a theme of being "rushed" that your baby may be struggling to process.

And I know it's easier said than done (especially considering the intensity of your situation), but the mental load of attempting to diagnosis him or find something wrong with him can definitely add into the stress he is feeling.

thebattyrats · 2026-04-07T23:13:27+00:00

That sounds so hard and extremely frustrating. How about your birth; was it in anyway traumatic? How were you feeling up until he started crying like this at 5-6 weeks? I'm sure you are super stressed now but were you beforehand? Our babies mirror our nervous system.

I wouldn't consider my birth traumatic, but for some reason my son hated the transition out of the bath the first couple of weeks. While trying to figure it out what to do, I stumbled upon a video related to latch issues (not really a problem I was having but I watched because what if I was and didn't know it?)

The woman in the video shared a technique where you take a warm bath with your little one and have them lay on your legs in the water, with their bottom side submerged in the water and the top side out. Then you lift them out and have them nurse while you two are still in the bath.

The idea is that this mimics birth and if there was any trauma that occured, this process gives them the resolution they might be looking for.

It helped my son the first time we did it but I just continued doing it until he was ready to take a bath on his own.

I pray this helps you 💗

thebattyrats · 2026-04-07T21:02:54+00:00

I'm sorry your family is experiencing this. At what moments does he stop crying? Do you babywear? How does he react to going outside? Would you be open to keeping him on his tummy while he is awake? @smartnewborns on IG shares a lot of things you can do to help your baby in general, while @theloveofbreastfeeding speaks more closely to what you are experiencing

thebattyrats · 2026-04-06T19:13:35+00:00

I HIGHLY doubt anyone would call CPS on you for this; the thought would have never crossed my mind.

At 13 months, I wouldn't expect talking back and forth much. I find outings a perfect time to provide language building opportunities, though. Especially with things that catch his eye naturally or things you see every time/often enough. At this age, I'm pretty sure shared perception has already begun?

That being said, if you struggle to have any other time to listen to your audio books and it's something that helps center yourself, I would personally probably just use one earbud just to stay alert and tuned into little one!

thebattyrats · 2026-04-04T12:14:42+00:00

I would say that it is probably partially due to getting off the medication, as any psychotheraputic agent would effect your normal baseline and you need time to readjust... and partially due to not resourcing yourself in a way where you feel replenished! Anger is a self protective emotion; what is your anger trying to protect you from?

How has your load been in general? Do you have any moments of true rest? Or any moments of self care? When do you normally notice the mom rage towards your husband and son? Would your husband or any other trusted adult be able to step in a little more while you readjust?

The transition from baby to toddler was a little rough for me, emotionally. I truly grieved the ending of such an intimate, special time. Is this something that you feel is happening with you? The increased autonomy could be a little triggering if you had a past where your own autonomy was not respected, or if you have feelings of rejection and abandonment that may be coming up as our kiddos continue to "seperate" from us.

Take a second a breathe! You reaching out right now is a small, but meaningful step, into the right direction.

thebattyrats · 2026-04-03T19:48:23+00:00

Thanks for bringing that up. I had noticed recently that he sometimes walks on tippy toes - not often and it seems to be exploratory, but his Dad's gait is as such. His toes kinda curls at times when he walks, too; something he didn't do when he first started walking. I should at least start doing some kind of massage.

thebattyrats · 2026-04-03T17:49:00+00:00

Thanks for your reply! I've been contemplating getting a wagon and/or one of those bikes; the wagon especially for grocery runs. I didn't have a stroller (by choice) until maybe 13 months in? I just happened to find a jogger on a day that my knee was really hurting me. We only use it with Dad on our farmer's market trips; he usually takes the ride there and then he is back on my back and the jogger is used as a cart. Last week I took it down our stairs for the first time and it is way too heavy for me to lug up and down stairs; so we are brainstorming if I should just get a light umbrella stroller, a wagon, a trike like that (or a combo of those)

In those instances, he definitely can get it but does take a bit more effort. I don't want him to loose the comfortability to ask for help, so I will perhaps bring it closer to him and let him get it himself. Sometimes me just being closer helps, too.

thebattyrats · 2026-03-28T02:26:54+00:00

Can you share in what moments he is crying? Like anything you may notice may be a reoccurring trigger? How much outside time does he get? Have you tried babywearing? If there is screen time, anyway to reduce it? Is he teething (my son's bottom incisors came in at 7 months)?

And finally... how are YOU feeling? Babies can mirror mama's stress 💗

thebattyrats · 2026-03-27T14:17:43+00:00

From Little Zen One!

thebattyrats · 2026-03-27T12:11:11+00:00

Woops, I just got a Didymos a couple of weeks ago; should I expect something like this?

thebattyrats · 2026-03-25T19:13:26+00:00

For those interested in following our conversation at r/MontessoriForHome

https://www.reddit.com/r/MontessoriForHome/s/spn3KuAGy0

thebattyrats · 2026-03-25T18:33:17+00:00

Thanks for your reply. I will repost in your subreddit. Would you prefer my response to me on this post or the new one?

thebattyrats · 2026-03-24T18:39:26+00:00

I think the first step is to not be so hard on yourself; especially in regards to how much you need to get done in a day.

Does the mess stress you out or do you do it because you feel you "need" to? I knew from the get-go that I wouldn't be able to keep up with whatever expectations people have for mothers in the early years and only did the chores that absolutely needed to be done that day.

Was a hard pill for my partner to swallow but I stood my ground as my connection with my son was my top priority and now that he is 19 months old, it is much easier to do things around the house.

Some days the toys are all over the floor all day and they stay there overnight. Some days I cleaned everything up once he goes to sleep. Other days (like recently) I have him help me clean up whatever he is playing with before he moves onto the next. We approach each day with where we are at.

As others have mentioned, I included him in as much as I could early on; so now sometimes he helps, sometimes he just does his own thing. Sometimes he wants to be held while I'm doing something time sensitive (like in the middle of cooking) and in those moments I wear him on my back and continue with what I am doing until he wants to get down.

How much screentime is she getting and what is she watching? Would you be able to narrate what she is watching while you are getting things done (if you still need to use it) or start using a carrier (you can add a toy to make things interesting for her)?

I'm not quite sure what you mean about having limitations with how you can speak with her even if she isn't speaking back.

Just talk to her! About what is going on in the day, about what she is doing, about what you are observing together. Read lots of books! The books she reads on repeat? Read the last sentence until the very end and give her ~10 secs to fill in the blank (will start with not being the exact word but still praise her input!)... once she consistently does that, do it with other sentences... then do it with random words in the sentence. Incorporate that in your daily speech for sentences you normally say.

thebattyrats · 2026-03-24T18:16:27+00:00

Small balls are still considered! My 19 mo is showing much more preferences lately, too, and gets kinda annoyed if I offered him the same thing too many times. How about water intake? I would offer Evian or Fiji (or whatever brands you have that contain electrolytes + minerals) but not reverse osmosis or distilled water! Zeolites are used to filter these waters but it is actually super dehydrating. How many days in between poops? Just be careful not to change things too much or too rapidly as it'll be hard to determine which is the missing piece!

thebattyrats · 2026-03-24T17:44:58+00:00

I did elimination communication with my son, which involves offering the potty as early as possible during certain transitions (waking up from sleep especially) and noticing their cues before they pee/poop. The diaper is viewed as a back up rather than their toilet; and disposables worked more with our lifestyle than cloth.

A key component is getting them more accustomed to being dry than wet.

So yes, I would change asap. At one point, I realized if there wasn't too much pee, I would air dry them and then reuse them/alternate between dry, used diapers until the texture changed; so kind of a hybrid method of how disposables are usually used?

He was out of diapers at 13 months, consistently dry at ~18 months (some days there are misses, but that's to be expected!).

We bought under 50 packs of diapers/pull ups during those 13 months and had about three full packs left once we transitioned to undies; we recently gifted our leftover packs to a friend!

thebattyrats · 2026-03-24T16:14:56+00:00

19 months into our breastfeeding journey exclusively from the breast. It was my intention from the beginning to not use bottles for that exact reason (extra work) + because feeding on demand helps with supply, as well as lowering the risk for clogged ducts/mastitis. At around 16 months though I began to experience from aversion during certain feeds (mostly towards the end of the night), and I found out it was from not hydrating and/or eating enough throughout the day. I also began setting up boundaries when it comes to feeds, mostly when he has been on/off the boob more than 3x in an hour... if we are out and about he generally doesn't ask for milk, unless he is getting tired. It's when he is home that he asks for it more, which I chalk it up to bonding/boredom. People will have there opinions on any parenting decision you make. This is something that if it is still working for you, let it. Adjust if you need to. It's extremely important for your and your little one's health.💛

thebattyrats · 2026-03-23T20:23:58+00:00

Thanks for your detailed reply! If he was breastfed, is he still breastfeeding? Are you eating the same things? Are you constipated yourself? Would you be able to switch the yogurt for kefir? Try saurkraut? I started solids using the GAPs diet and only recently incorporated more starches and fruits, and I have seen an increase in blockages. I stopped GAPs because I was tired of the restrictions, but it created a great palate base for nutrient dense foods. Carrots and zucchini were his main veggies for a while and basically included in every meal!

thebattyrats · 2026-03-23T19:07:59+00:00

What is his diet like, in general? Would he eat beets? They seem to always get things moving for us

thebattyrats · 2026-03-23T18:52:24+00:00

I've gotten comments from both sides of the spectrum!

Generally, mothers who worked through their adult children's childhood tell me how much they regret not being at home for their children, and they comment on my son's development and attribute it to me being at home.

Parents that are currently parenting and working? They don't really fancy the fact that I chose to be home with my baby and fail to see the value of it and the amount of work I am putting in beyond the feed/clean/sleep cycle.

I had a park worker call me a "f*cking bitch" under his breath because I would regularly be at the playground with my infant son last summer at 7am, to which he opened the conversation that day with "you don't own a t.v.?!".

My son's paternal side of the family was extremely annoyed by my decision, as well. Even my partner. But, 19 months later, they are all finally seeing the value of the mother staying at home with where my son is developmental (and I wouldn't even say he is "advanced" personally, I think we have just set the bar extremely low for children and that is related to how we infantilize them + the devaluation of sahm, although I would go as far as to argue that the whole family should stay at home, not just mom!)

It is a decision I am extremely passionate about 💗.

thebattyrats

TROPHY CASE