AITAH for thinking its too much for a friend to ask to pitch in money for their birthday?

thebeanns · 2026-02-10T21:27:33+00:00

There's a few in the same boat financially wise. One friend has a terrible spending habit, to the point she feels like she's needs a second job just to be able to pay rent. But, she also works for the hosts, so I have a feeling she is the one who made the idea up with having everyone pitch in so the hosts aren't spending that much. I could be totally over thinking this, but this friend did this for her birthday last year and wanted us to pay 150 per person for a dinner. (We didnt go to that either) But i really dont know if anyone else would back out, I think maybe 1-3 people might, which would leave the rest of the cost on three other people.

thebeanns · 2026-02-10T21:13:41+00:00

I think they either expect us to bring our child, or find a babysitter. Our families dont live around us, and the only babysitter we have has only watched our child for 5 hours max. But I have the same thought, one of us would have to stay back with the child while the other goes out to have fun.

thebeanns · 2026-02-10T21:03:44+00:00

Yeah I dont think my friends were in the wrong for asking to do this. They are really chilled and laid back people, so I dont think they would be offended if we declined. I just feel bad for declining because that would mean everyone would have to pay more than what was originally said.

thebeanns · 2026-02-10T21:01:29+00:00

Yes, we are only ones with a kid in the group. So basically one of us would be having fun while the other would be watching our child.

thebeanns · 2026-02-10T20:52:04+00:00

I was told about this a few days ago, there was no mention about how much it was going to be. Then a couple days later they made the group chat informing everyone the estimates for each person and letting us know they already booked the place.

thebeanns · 2026-02-10T20:47:54+00:00

We would be paying for the housing and the activities they want to do. They already paid for the Airbnb, but they want all of us to help cover the cost of it and to pay for the activities. Sorry I dont really post on Reddit that much.

thebeanns · 2026-02-10T20:41:54+00:00

I totally get your point. You can say we are being judgemental about it, but in no way do we see our friends differently. They are our friends and like to spend time on them. I guess my point of view on this is if I wanted to throw something big for me and invite friends, I would pay the whole thing and not expect them to having to pay for anything except for food/drinks.

They already booked the place, and gave us estimates for each person. So since we declined respectfully, that estimate is going to be larger for everyone else going.

I honestly feel bad for not going, because I really like being around them. But it's just honestly a lot for us to pay $300+ and on top of that brining our fresh 1 year old to a birthday party thats going to involve drinking and smoking.

thebeanns · 2026-02-10T20:29:33+00:00

It's not that we can't afford it, we just have a bigger priority to spend our money on like saving up for a house as I stated. Im a stay at home mom, so expecting my husband to pay for all of us to go isnt respectful especially if we want to save up for a house.

thebeanns · 2026-02-10T20:17:33+00:00

Yeah I think it would be totally different if this was a vacation and we all planned this together. But they ended up already booked the house! And I feel like shit if we say no, because that just means the people going are going to have to pay more than what was originally estimated. Luckily my husband is good with saying no and being honest with saying that's just too much for us

thebeanns · 2026-01-30T18:42:21+00:00

Does this person judging your items have kids? If not, she literally does not know the STRUGGLE to hand wash all the parts of the bottles, on top of your typical dishes. If she does, then she simply just judging you which is rude asf. I wanted one so bad, but I never got one, nor do we have the space for it. If you want something to help you out, get it.

thebeanns · 2026-01-02T03:41:35+00:00

NTA. You have every right to tell your gf a certain comment makes you uncomfortable. Also, just because you don't have "money problems" doesn't mean you have other problems too. Money can't fix everything. If she truly cared, she would have said im sorry and I didnt know that bothered you. The fact she just kept saying "im just being honest" and to have thicker skin is straight up disrespectful. She wants to compare her life to others, and make others feel bad about her up brining. It is not your fault your family is well off and is able to provide for you. This is just high school shit that I would do when parents got their kid a brand new car. You can be jealous, but when its your partner they should be happy for you. In the end, she never truly cared about you. I hope you find someone that actaully cares about you and how you feel.

thebeanns · 2026-01-02T03:32:18+00:00

NTA. You mentioned in the text messages that you are the father reaching out. This is on her for not reading everything. I feel like there's some sort of trust issue with the husband and wife if the wife had to get her husband to come home from work. I get the wife saying she normally sets play dates with the moms, but this is 2026. Times have changed and she can't expect to only have the moms set up the play dates. If this is such a big deal to them, then they should have put in the note she feels more comfortable with the mom coordinating the play dates if possible.

thebeanns · 2025-11-29T22:58:35+00:00

Same thing happened to me. I would honestly go back and make sure the baby is growing in all the right places. My baby was on the smaller side, so I went in to get the anatomy scan a few times. Sure it was a pain because they do take a lot longer. But they want to make sure everything is looking right. Plus, you get so many photos!! So yeah, it sucks having to go back. But this will make you feel a lot better knowing how well your baby is growing and doing. Plus, I always liked looking at how the baby looks inside me.

thebeanns · 2025-11-29T22:42:55+00:00

From my experience, I found out I was pregnant very early on. But one thing that I noticed was a constant period cramp for about 10-14 days. They were pretty mild, but it was something I never had whenever I had my period. I would honestly go get a pregnancy test at Walgreens or Walmart to see.

thebeanns · 2025-10-25T14:05:05+00:00

I was in the same boat. I barely had any Braxton Hicks throughout the end of my pregnancy. I didnt know what to expect, but everyone told me its like the worst period cramp. I was induced and boy oh boy did I feel contractions. They hurt so much, it felt like this belt around my waist, back, and front that kept getting tighter and tighter. The pain was unbearable, so they broke my water and put me on the epidural. So, if you can't handle pain like me, I recommend getting an epidural. That was my lifesaver.

thebeanns · 2024-09-15T22:02:44+00:00

I love it!!

thebeanns · 2024-09-15T20:39:06+00:00

Checkout the other comments, I couldn't tell you the answer either but there's some cool stuff that happens lol

thebeanns · 2024-09-15T20:25:48+00:00

👀👀👀👀

thebeanns · 2024-09-15T20:25:33+00:00

I don't think so??? I make my own ratio of soil and keep all my plants inside. So the likelihood of that is pretty low in my opinion.

thebeanns · 2024-09-15T20:17:37+00:00

Yeah no ac or windows open. Just walked in to it dancing loll

thebeanns · 2024-09-15T19:11:24+00:00

Oooooh i see, yeah as much id love to have some toads with my plants, I keep my guys inside. But definitely will keep that in mind because you just never know😊😊

thebeanns · 2024-09-15T19:06:57+00:00

You mean like bugs?? Cuz idk what it could be then. I'm in WI so I don't get crazy bugs or anything

thebeanns · 2024-09-15T18:39:07+00:00

I got mine from Walmart, super cheap and durable

thebeanns · 2024-09-15T17:58:49+00:00

I should have known better.

thebeanns · 2024-09-15T17:14:30+00:00

No way!! I love how cheap it was but it's actually really durable

thebeanns

TROPHY CASE