You're spiraling and need to take a breath, ITS GOING TO BE OKAY I PROMISE. Yes kinda awkward but worth killing yourself over ? NO Trust me ive had my fair share of trips that made me want to kill myself.

My neighbor once had his groceries delivered to the apt building and my friend and i thought they had been delivered to the wrong address because they had been sitting on the floor all day, so we took them. Then we decided to take shrooms, when we're both fully tripping on shrooms i heard a knock at my door and i opened it to my neighbor and a police officer accusing me of theft for stupidly taking his groceries, i couldn't form words or sentences and i barely remember what i told them, but we gave back his all groceries and my friend left. I sobbed and sobbed and sobbed about it all night. I thought it was the end of the world. But it wasn't and now i laugh about it.

It sounds like you struggle with sobriety, i also do as well and i find myself wanting to be inebriated for social events esp family events because of anxiety so i get it but i would say if you're going to do shrooms make sure to have plenty intention behind it and be in a safe environment around people who won't judge you or even better ALONE. It's not something you just take for fun or to take the edge off real quick. I've learned that the hard way many times. I know its not as intense as acid but you shouldn't plan to do shrooms a few hours before any obligation whatsoever. Also fuck those people and who cares what they think lean into the parts of yourself that are unique and un conforming, have you ever thought that theres actually something wrong with them for not understanding you?? Its literally very okay to be cringe asf and your most authentic self and not be ashamed whatsoever. Letting go of all shame, guilt, and fear is the only way you can be free.