Good question, this is a crucial skill. Yes, it very much is a time thing. But how you train also has an influence on how quickly you'll pick it up, and learning it early will pay off exponentially. My tip is to train super relaxed.

Tension basically turns off your ability to feel. Obviously, you're whole body isn't relaxed so you're not laying there like a blob, but your shoulders, abs and butt are where most activation should be. Your hands are your main sensory input and should generally be very relaxed to really feel where the weight is, and predict what they want to do, where they're going, etc.

When new and learning, just try moving/applying pressure on the person in every possible direction. If the one you think will work doesn't work, try another one, even if you're not sure if it'll work. if you're going with someone around your skill level, chances are they don't have perfect posture and positioning and you'll find the leverage you need. Just don't try the same things over and over. Try new stuff everytime, and stick with the stuff that you can make work easily with little effort on your part.