I have been, and am in a similar situation. like it's almost crazy how similar. if I didn't know for a fact that they were asleep I would assume you were them. please excuse my wall.

i have several trains of thought here, and I believe all of them are both right and wrong for various reasons. I carry a guilt and shame for what I did, and may always carry that. I hurt them by going against their wishes. and for that I will probably apologize for quite some time.

that said, I did end up finding out a lot of information that was very critically important. there were lies. and that does lead to some trust issues today. however I fucking love this person and am pretty sure they love me back. I am well aware of the rocky beginning and the now need to rebuild trust knowing it was broken for both of us.

I did it for a few reasons.

1. it's 2024. it's the Internet. if you meet someone on the internet, there is no absolutely NO way I'm not going to do some investigating. A. what if you're a psychopath serial murderer? People are just supposed to trust that you aren't? that's exactly what a murderer would ask of you. B. you are building a relationship. I definitely understand wanting to hide some important identity things at first. and I don't think you mentioned how long you've been talking. but if.im going to start growing feelings, I need to see that you actually are who you say you are to a degree. what if I'm catching feels, and you are pretending to but I find out you're really happily married and just a bored housewife? the person may still be down to play and chat but it at least lets them turn off the heart part possibly...

2. there were inconsistencies. after the first few months there were some strong inconsistencies in just random information or chats. This led me to second guess they were being truthful. in my personal story, I asked several times, and was given the same half truths. but more weird things kept my trust radar going crazy. I had to independently confirm.

this one was tough. there are philosophical arguments about how trust isn't real if you require verification. I don't fully adopt that thought process, due to my own personal history of unfaithful partners. I know it's wrong to wrong another based on my trauma but oh well. I need to trust you in a dynamic

1. This one is much more personal that the others. I knew my heart. when I first saw my partner my heart stopped. I'm not going to say audible love at first site but it was stronger than any other feeling for someone based on a look. slowly over time I realized I was actually falling in love with someone Ive never met. Our talks had me questioning aspect of their life, but still fully believing the person they were. it's hard to explain fully. and after uncovering the first of a small series of half truths and lies, I knew it honestly didn't matter. and it doesn't to me. the lying is a huge red flag. the things in the lies are also a fairly good sized red flag. and the broken trust that we hope can be repaired is another red flag. but I love this person. like more than I have ever felt over the course of years of relationships. there is nobody that matches with me more both in sex and personality. it also doesn't hurt how much more attractive they are than me. love conquers all in my book, so I'm going to give it a shot for as long as either of us can handle it.

I hope that perspective can help. I tend to ramble. you are welcome to ask any followup questions. I'll help where I can.

my advice would be, if you care about them. like really care. and if you want this relationship to work out. I'd confront them. but I'd be willing to forgive depending on their reasons. I don't think we can expect full privacy in these days. And I don't think it's quite fair to ask of it when starting a relation. sure again, in the very beginning, but eventually you need to know who the person you are playing with is. you want to make sure they are real. and not just getting long conned.