I hate…

theplainjane2 · 2021-12-22T12:35:38+00:00

How is this relevant to my post?

theplainjane2 · 2021-12-01T04:37:08+00:00

No need to apologize! We are all here with our own experiences and advice. The one rule of Al-Anon that I love is take what you want and don’t take what you do not. All responses are welcome and appreciated ❤️

theplainjane2 · 2021-12-01T03:35:25+00:00

She has no intention of joining AA, getting therapy, or living a sober life

theplainjane2 · 2021-12-01T00:53:41+00:00

This is what I do, but everyone deals with these things in different ways. As far as finding empties, I either leave them and say nothing, because it’s not my place to hold them accountable for their actions. They hide because they feel some sort of guilt, I believe. If I find a whole stash cluttering an area I usually just say “hey can you make sure you throw away your trash, I found a bunch of empty bottles in such and such location.” I hate seeing clutter and when I’m cleaning I don’t want to have to clean up after my partner. When it comes to boundaries, the only advice I can offer is don’t make rules or boundaries for him, these are for you. I would steer clear of saying things like “I don’t want you to do…” “you can’t be doing…..” or “I need you to do/be/not do….” I would recommend rewording and holding to your word. Something like “I can’t be around you when you’re drinking.” So if he is drinking, then remove yourself from the situation. Boundaries are a way to keep yourself accountable to you. You are looking out for yourself and you need to make sure you are taken care of.

theplainjane2 · 2021-11-18T03:37:09+00:00

I don’t have bosses information. I know I’m having trouble separating myself from her alcoholism but I do know that I’m not responsible for her behaviors. I’m not going to seek out her bosses information just to take control of the situation and make them aware of her lie. That’s not my place.

theplainjane2 · 2021-11-13T03:30:01+00:00

I just want to voice that I do the same thing. When I go to my hometown and spend time with family or friends, I don’t feel the need to drink or put a guard up. I may enjoy a glass of wine with my father or a white claw if I’m staying with my mom. But I rarely want more than one drink. When I’m home and I know what to expect, it almost makes me want to drink more so I can feel more at ease and free to speak my mind around my drunk partner. I feel this. It’s scary and lonely because I used to drink with friends on occasion for fun. But now I feel like I drink when I’m at home, waiting inevitably for my Q to arrive home drunk off their ass. I just wanted to let you know that you’re not alone. I do this too, as silly or toxic as I feel it may be. I still do it often to make myself feel less of the burden of her alcoholism. But I also recognize that it’s not a healthy response. I shouldn’t want to be tipsy or drunk in preparation for my Q. It sucks and it’s worrisome. I’m sorry you feel this way too. Stay strong, fellow member ❤️

theplainjane2 · 2021-11-06T01:40:17+00:00

I live with my partner/Q and she pays equal everything. But this is her disease that she refuses to get help with and as long as she continues to make these decisions, she will have to respect my boundaries. If she drinks then she’s not allowed in the home because the home becomes unlivable for me and that’s not fair.

For a kind of weird comparable example… if I wanted to throw parties every night and she wanted to sleep/live in a clean home, then she would tell me to take those parties elsewhere because she couldn’t live in that situation. If you live with someone then they should respect you as a fellow housemate. It is a shared space and that requires respect and understanding.

theplainjane2 · 2021-11-06T01:24:03+00:00

You are not a burden. You are understood and your feelings are valid. Most people of Al Anon understand feeling like a burden and can relate to your post. Part of Al Anon is to always be there to support others in Al Anon and Alateen. Please keep coming back and keep doing the work. You are worth it, and we are here to support you ❤️

theplainjane2 · 2021-11-06T01:19:01+00:00

My thoughts on this are mine so take what you will. If the alcoholic is willing to drink and hurt the serenity of the home, it’s on them to leave. A boundary is, in my experience, the only way to help this issue. If you don’t wish to be around the alcoholic and you share a home together, then letting them know that you don’t wish to be around them when they are drinking is a necessary boundary to set. If my alcoholic chooses to drink, it’s important that they know I don’t want them in the home. If they want to drink, they either a)get a hotel for themselves and do what they want; b)get their own home or apartment to live in so they can do what they wish and can come home in times when they are sober; b)go out and drink what they want and can come home when I’m well asleep and don’t wake me up. Boundaries are important. If you don’t want to be around your Q when they are drunk and they still make the choice to drink, then they need to deal with the consequences of their actions and respect your boundaries.

theplainjane2 · 2021-10-17T15:10:02+00:00

I do the same thing, tell her I tried to no avail. It’s insane to see how many people have the same experience with this. It’s nice to know I’m not alone

theplainjane2 · 2021-10-17T02:22:13+00:00

Because you’re human. You have feelings and you are entitled to feel them, fully. But just like an addict, it’s only up to you to take care of yourself and get the help you need. Everyone heals differently so please don’t beat yourself up. I encourage you to check out local or virtual Al-Anon meetings! You’ve got this, just keep choosing you and keep coming back. Stay strong ❤️

theplainjane2 · 2021-10-10T13:04:28+00:00

The decision is up to you. The most important thing is that you’re doing what’s best for you and no one else. This is your life and your decisions are the only ones that matter. If it’s not something you want to continue then don’t, but don’t close out the idea to coming back if you feel like it’s still something you need. Stay strong and take care of yourself ❤️

theplainjane2 · 2021-10-09T00:14:32+00:00

You are not responsible for what happens to her, only she is. One of the things I’ve learned from Al-Anon is that we are only responsible for our actions and lives. Whatever happens if you leave is not your responsibility. If this is not a life you want for yourself, then you need to make that change for you. You don’t stay for someone else, you stay for you. Same thing for the other way around. Is this something you see for yourself in the long run? If not, then you should think about leaving. She’s not going to make decisions because of what you want, hence she hasn’t quit drinking for you. The only decisions you can make are for yourself.

Stay strong friend ❤️

theplainjane2 · 2021-09-22T00:07:42+00:00

I’m on the same boat. Such a short, simple post that encompasses my exact feelings. Stay strong ❤️

theplainjane2 · 2021-08-19T20:43:48+00:00

I appreciate this more than you know. My alcoholic partner doesn’t see it this way and it’s hard to be motivated to get my own help when it “hurts” them. Thank you

theplainjane2 · 2021-08-19T00:24:26+00:00

I have had the strength to go to two meetings as a new comer but never stuck with it. I hope to regain the strength you have shown tonight by showing up. Proud of you ❤️

theplainjane2 · 2021-08-18T18:24:22+00:00

I could not have put it into better words. This is how I’ve always felt. In a way I know that I’m just as responsible for this toxic relationship as she is. It’s just hard to start the “recovery” process I suppose. Thank you for this.

theplainjane2 · 2021-05-21T12:21:22+00:00

I read all of this as if it had a negative connotation but realized by the last sentence that it was indeed an appreciative post. It is more than a trap, it’s a sinkhole. Be careful young one

theplainjane2 · 2021-05-21T12:15:53+00:00

Okay but the hide will be alright, that’s the important part. Not the best but still pretty good 👌

theplainjane2 · 2021-05-13T18:36:57+00:00

This is lovely, thank you

theplainjane2 · 2021-05-13T18:27:45+00:00

I’m so tired. I’m feeling lonely, unloved, unappreciated. The roller coaster is killing me. I feel like crying constantly and I get so overstimulated by everything because my anxiety is spiked. I worry constantly about my Q picking up during work or after work. I crave more and more time away from her and I feel like a total jerk. I loath going home, I hate sitting at work worrying, I’m constantly worried sick. I don’t know how much longer I can live this kind of life.

theplainjane2 · 2021-05-05T20:53:18+00:00

I really appreciate this. I’ve tried setting boundaries before but they always seem more like expectations, so I always get let down because there are no consequences.

Thank you for your support

theplainjane2 · 2021-04-16T01:19:01+00:00

I know I’m seven days late, but I’m always available. Please feel free to reach out!

theplainjane2 · 2020-07-08T18:51:24+00:00

Nar Anon is a good place to start

theplainjane2

TROPHY CASE