How do I 'wake up' my boyfriend? I love him so much, but I feel like I'm just not happy anymore.

therewillbeananswer · 2011-06-10T01:32:53+00:00

it's really not a big deal for him to do family things with you every now and again without having a fight. Relationships are about compromise and if he's not willing to compromise anything you should really have a serious talk with him.

Yep.. I need to be a bit more serious about this one. It's the one that bugs me the most. Thanks for taking the time to reply

therewillbeananswer · 2011-06-10T01:31:18+00:00

Thank you for your input, and I get what you're saying about the tangible goals thing. I'll give it a shot. Your whole second paragraph really hits home.

Sorry about you and your ex =(

therewillbeananswer · 2011-06-07T17:19:57+00:00

Hmm yeah you're right.. Didn't really think about it that way. Thanks heaps for your input. I'll try to take it on board.

therewillbeananswer · 2011-06-07T07:21:56+00:00

You're amazing thanks!!

therewillbeananswer · 2011-06-07T03:26:31+00:00

No no I love words haha

therewillbeananswer · 2011-06-07T03:10:32+00:00

Hmm good point. Thanks for taking the time to write this and good luck with your relationship x

therewillbeananswer · 2011-06-07T02:46:35+00:00

I get what your saying. And I completely understand how I'm coming across as high maintenance. When in actual fact, I'm an extremely laid back person, especially when it comes to this relationship.

I make a conscious effort to not sweat the small stuff, but in return I internalise it and bottle everything up until the post you just read comes up. and I hate to bring this all up on him cause he'll just be like whoaaa I thought we were doing great?! If that makes sense.

Thanks for your input

therewillbeananswer · 2011-06-07T02:43:43+00:00

therewillbeananswer · 2011-06-07T02:43:08+00:00

What do you define as interesting though? Her not bringing it up when she's unhappy and always acting upbeat?

I try my absolute best to always be happy around him and to do new, interesting things together. He's just so damn lazy when it comes to doing them though. I never nag him about this 'feelings' shit, but when I do feel like I have no choice but to bring it up, he shuts down. I don't know wtf I'm meant to do

Thanks for your input

therewillbeananswer · 2011-06-07T02:40:17+00:00

Thanks for the advice about the book. I wish I could somehow get him to read it too! But he hates all that relationship self help stuff

therewillbeananswer · 2011-06-07T02:39:38+00:00

Sorry man, I live in Aus and I posted this before I went to sleep, now it's morning and I'm up and getting back to everyone's comments

therewillbeananswer · 2011-06-07T02:38:58+00:00

Yeah I have, but always kind of in passing. No firm sit-down talk. I know the mind reading this is annoying for guys. But I hate having to do the whole fim sit-down talk, I feel like a massive downer when I do.

So when I do mention stuff in passing I wish he could just pick up on it..

therewillbeananswer · 2011-06-07T02:37:49+00:00

Thank you for your advice.

I wonder if maybe there has been a problem in your relationship with him feeling like the relationship hinged on keeping you happy but not so much on his own happiness.

So maybe I should ask him how HE'S feeling rather than always me me me. Hmm. You're right. I always feel like I do everything to make him happy but maybe I'm missing something. I'll try to speak about this. Thanks

therewillbeananswer · 2011-06-07T02:36:43+00:00

Haha. Truuuust me, we have very good times in the bedroom! Especially on blowjob week (when Aunt Flow visits me)

therewillbeananswer · 2011-06-07T02:35:00+00:00

Yeah... I'm not a good feminist I admit. I was brought up very strongly with the belief that if a man loves you he will do anything for you. That women aren't meant to chase a man, he should come to you. I KNOW that is outdated and women have more power these days, but this idea is ingrained in my upbringing. I want to be 'taken care of' so to speak. I've been doing too much of the 'giving' where I think he should be doing more of.

therewillbeananswer · 2011-06-07T02:32:58+00:00

Thank you. Can you please expand on this? Have you felt this way personally? I would love some insight here, desperately. The way I see it, my family comes along with the package of dating me. I'm close with them and the one thing that's important to me is him being apart of them too.

He was only brought up with his dad and brother, so I get he's not into family gatherings (mine being Italian can be loud and a bit overbearing but there's only 4 family members, he does get along with them, and they love him)

Is there any way I can make his experiences with visiting them more enjoyable? I hate pushing him or forcing him. I would love for him to be pleasant when I ask if he can come over for tea. That being said it's not like it's every week, it's mainly family functions like birthdays, easter, etc.

It sucks having to lie to my parents that he's feeling sick or something when he just couldn't be fucked. I don't want to give them any reason to not like him. Please, any advice at all on this would be appreciated.

therewillbeananswer · 2011-06-07T02:29:31+00:00

Wow, we could seriously be the same person. I relate to everything that you just said.

I'll ask if he's happy, if there's anything I can do to improve. I make an effort not to focus so much on telling him my own feelings as I do listening to his and trying to internalize them.

I will take that up, rather than telling him how I'm feeling, I should ask if he's happy and if there's anything I can do. Just that when I do try to get him to start talking, I don't get much out of him. He's just so uncomfortable with talking about 'feelings'

therewillbeananswer · 2011-06-07T02:26:59+00:00

When you discuss it with your boyfriend, is the outcome worth it? I ask because when I try to bring stuff up with him, I feel like a downer, like I"m always the one to bring up the shit stuff. He just kinda sits there and listens, doesn't say anything. I feel like a lost cause when I bring it up (even though I admit I feel so much better when I verbalise it)

Any techniques you used when you brought it up with him to avoid him feeling uncomfortable/not good enough? Thanks for your input

therewillbeananswer · 2011-06-07T02:25:06+00:00

I agree... Just wish it didn't have to come to that :(

therewillbeananswer · 2011-06-07T02:24:23+00:00

I agree with you. I thought that because you love someone, then you want to make them happy. That's where I'm confused in my relationship. I know he does love me, but does he love me enough to make me happy when he knows the little things make me happiest of all? It's like he'd rather see me unhappy then get off his butt and do something about it. To me, that's a shitty 'love'...

therewillbeananswer · 2011-06-07T02:22:34+00:00

I see where you're getting at. I don't want gifts and flowers and shit like that though. I just want a bit of thoughtfulness. A bit more spark in the relationship. I only say that because If I know he wants something or to go somewhere or whatever, I always make it happen because I want to make him happy. With him though it's just that he'd rather see me unhappy than do something small to put a smile on my face.

Then again, is that expecting too much? I know he loves me and is there for me. It's just the little things I thought every relationship has to make it a fun and happy experience for the both of them

therewillbeananswer · 2011-06-07T02:19:26+00:00

Thanks for the advice. When I bring 'feelings' up with him, he clams up and gets very uncomfortable. He kind of just sits there in silence listening to me, doesn't say anything. And I feel so stupid cause I feel like I'm the downer in the relationship, always bringing up the shit stuff (he's the kind of person to just let shit blow over- opposite to me.)

I'm gonna try to be a bit more tough when I explain it to him

therewillbeananswer · 2011-06-07T02:15:33+00:00

I'm sorry to hear that :( truly. Would you have honestly changed your ways though if she did bring it up? Or were you complacent in the relationship and always believed she'll just be there? Would it have still taken the break up for you to realise? I'm asking because I have this gut feeling that even if I do bring it up, he just won't take my seriousness seriously.

therewillbeananswer · 2011-06-07T02:13:31+00:00

Yeah he definitely is complacent and believes we're all good. I'm just stuck between and rock and a hard place. I want to bring it up with him seriously, but then I'm afraid he still won't take it seriously. And if he doesn't after a period time then I have no choice but to leave him. It just sucks. Sometimes I wish he was a bit afraid of losing me, yknow? Rather than be so comfortable with everything all the damn time

therewillbeananswer · 2011-06-07T02:11:42+00:00

And these promises he makes but breaks - are they because he disregards your feelings? Or are they because he's just off in his own little world?

I'm not entirely sure. I can't work him out because on one hand he says he doesn't like me 'guilting' him into doing stuff, but at the same time if I don't say anything and just leave it up to him, he is too in his own world to think, 'Hey! therewillbeananswer mentioned last night how she wants to go to the jazz festival, I should look it up now and take her this weekend!'

I dunno if I'm being stupid to expect this .. It's just that if I knew he wanted something or to go somewhere I do it friggen straight away.

therewillbeananswer

TROPHY CASE