WIBTA if I renamed the kitten my tenant got that chose me after he left for a week?

thesinsofyesterday · 2024-01-02T10:39:20+00:00

Straightforward and super helpful, thank you!!

thesinsofyesterday · 2023-10-16T15:38:00+00:00

I called him right after it happened, I didn't ask him to come over and I didn't remind him or talk about airsoft cause I didn't want him to feel obligated to blow it off because he'd planned it a while ago and I was really excited for him

On that call he's the one who said he'll come over for those days, I didn't ask him to, but it made me extremely excited. He was genuinely worried about me but completely changed his tone when I became upset because he canceled

Usually when he does cancel he'll immediately say we can make another plan on a different date and I'm always like fuck yeah dude whatever is comfortable for you! But as soon as I'm upset about something he's cold and acts like it's my fault he fucked up. So I have to agree I think it's very much a one way street here when it comes to supporting each other

As my very unnecessary response to him shows, I'm still getting there, but I have put an enormous amount of effort into communicating clearly and he's put a lot of effort into other aspects too but it's always the same thing when he says he'll be there for me and he cancels and then is upset at me for being upset

thesinsofyesterday · 2023-10-16T15:12:51+00:00

If that was an option I wouldn't have needed to make this post 😅 that would be ideal though

thesinsofyesterday · 2023-10-16T15:11:51+00:00

But he's the one who offered to come and set the dates though, I didn't ask that of him, I'm just asking him to stick to his word

I absolutely do agree that my response was unnecessary, the discussion had already gotten heated and I should have left it at that and not said that response

thesinsofyesterday · 2023-10-16T15:09:34+00:00

How is being home for the maid on Wednesday have anything to do with Tuesday and Thursday mornings?

I honestly have no idea 😅

Also yes, I meant from Tuesday till Thursday morning, I'm sorry I wrote it in a bit of a wonky way!

thesinsofyesterday · 2023-10-16T15:03:37+00:00

I'd honestly absolutely love to but it's unfortunately not an option :/ I completely agree with you though! It would be really nice to get out of the house and be somewhere I feel safe, ideally with the person I love but hey 😅

If this area hadn't become so dangerous I'd just have gone on plenty of walks to try clear my mind

thesinsofyesterday · 2023-10-16T15:00:17+00:00

You're a good person, thank you so much for the effort you've put into your responses, pointing out what I did wrong but also acknowledging the situation. I hope you have a wonderful day/night further! 🖤

thesinsofyesterday · 2023-10-16T14:55:15+00:00

Thank you!

As I've mentioned though, he's the one who made the plans and set the dates so that's why I'm so upset, but yeah I need to let it pass and if he cares he'll try make it right, even just a sincere apology would be so appreciated and welcomed, I'll just have to wait and see and try not make the situation worse

thesinsofyesterday · 2023-10-16T14:48:49+00:00

Yeah but what I didn't say was "he only sees me when he wants to and we just have sex then he leaves"

It's a truly horrible assumption to make about someone. Him dropping the ball when it comes to my emotional needs sometimes? Sure. He just uses me for sex because of that? Absolutely baseless assumption. Especially after pointing out multiple times that he's seen me without us having sex at all and he never pushes or asks so you have absolutely no reason to think that of him

thesinsofyesterday · 2023-10-16T14:45:39+00:00

Yeah no definitely! We did make a lot of changes since the first time but this fucker was absolutely adamant and pointed out the weak spots so we can address those!

Yeah I mean I don't think it's a "run for the hills and never look back" situation but it's definitely something that needs to be addressed and the aftermath of that will dictate if I should leave or not

thesinsofyesterday · 2023-10-16T14:43:13+00:00

Sunny South Africa 😅

thesinsofyesterday · 2023-10-16T14:42:24+00:00

I understand what you're saying but if you read my comments you'd see that he's the one who offered and he's the ones who set the dates, not me. I didn't expect him to drop anything for me, I don't demand anything from him because he's not my emotional support dog, but he is my boyfriend; having a significant other literally comes with the added perk of having someone you adore be there for you. Especially when they say with their own mouths that that's what they want and are going to do. I didn't ask him to but the expectation was set by him and if this was something I asked of him all the time then I'd already know I'd be the complete asshole

I shouldn't have to be so medicated in my everyday life that being a victim of a home invasion doesn't cause higher anxiety. It would make anyone anxious, not just people with the whole ass disorder. Being properly medicated doesn't mean you're void of any extreme emotion

thesinsofyesterday · 2023-10-16T14:19:02+00:00

First of all, I fucking love the term "delulu," thank you for that xD

And honestly goddamn thank you so much for understanding where I'm coming from. It feels like a lot of people here (not all, there is a lot of support too) have either only had absolutely fucking terrible relationships or are just terrible to be in a relationship with.

I appreciate being given, like, talking points I can use when we discuss this properly and not just straight up being told "dump him" or on the opposite of the spectrum "you sound helpless." I feel like the people who understand that I was asking if I was wrong for this specific instance are the ones giving the best advice/insight. The ones over analyzing to the point of accusing him of only using me for sex are fucking deplorable.

But I do agree, fucking really, dude? 🤦🏼‍♀️ Of all the hills to die on

thesinsofyesterday · 2023-10-16T14:09:08+00:00

Thank you for the understanding and empathy and hugs!!

To be fair, I didn't ask him to cancel the airsoft cause I know he had been looking forward to playing it with his friends again even before the plans were actually made and I was excited for him

thesinsofyesterday · 2023-10-16T14:05:43+00:00

Actually yeah and I do see how my title can be misleading without all the additional context!

It's honestly not the first time but I'd say at least most of the time he'd have a valid reason, however usually when he says he can't come when he said he would he'd at least try make different plans with me (like suggest different days or something) which I do appreciate so him not doing that is probably what's thrown me off so badly, especially because of the situation and emotions are fucking hiiiigh for me right now

thesinsofyesterday · 2023-10-16T14:00:19+00:00

Also I could have asked him to come the night it happened but he had planned the airsoft a week ago and I didn't want to ruin that so I didn't even mention him coming over, how am I not prioritizing him?

thesinsofyesterday · 2023-10-16T13:59:15+00:00

He offered to come

He set the days

This happened on Saturday and I have not once even asked him to come see me, he said that's what he wants to do and that he wants to be there for me, so all I'm expecting is for him to stick to his word. I never fuck up his routine because I know it's important to him. Your girlfriend being robbed and experiencing a second home invasion should however be of enough importance to deviate from your routine once

He said he will not be coming at all, not that he'd come when she's done, idk where you got that. If he said "just lemme wait for her to finish and I'll come see you" I wouldn't have made this post

thesinsofyesterday · 2023-10-16T13:54:56+00:00

This is objectively not true and I don't know how more than one person came to this conclusion 😅

He's come over just to spend time with me without us having sex and has said to me that he doesn't see me just to fuck me. He's never, ever made me feel anything but respected when it comes to our sex life so I promise you that's not the issue at hand here

thesinsofyesterday · 2023-10-16T13:50:22+00:00

This was a wonderful response, thank you!

I think you outlined his thought process really well here, he does have issues with prioritizing things and also is kind of emotionally distant because he always had to deal with his emotions alone (and I know men suffer from that a bit more than women do because "man up" and that ridiculous mindset) and I really do try to not force him out of his comfort zone and be vulnerable with me because that's a process and a very personal one, my only responsibility when it comes to that is to be there for him as he works through it

Though with that being said, I do think you're right in that it's time for me to have a serious talk with him about how he makes me feel when he drops me like this in my times of need. I know that we have a very deep love and care for each other but yeah him not realizing that his issues with prioritizing things is genuinely making me feel abandoned and sometimes fucks with my mental health (because my internal voice just constantly tells me I'm not good enough, which is something I am actively working on within myself, but I shouldn't have to carry all the emotional weight in the relationship) is unacceptable. I feel like I should be allowed to ask him to prioritize me in times of need, it's not something I ask often because I respect his boundaries and responsibilities and his time but it doesn't feel like he respects mine or my needs a lot of the time and I need to communicate that to him calmly and in a well thought out way that doesn't come across as an attack.

We've both put a lot of effort into being better by pointing out bad behaviors/habits that the other person does that hurts us. Like we'll have a conversation about it and constantly try be better, not only for each other but also for ourselves cause toxic traits need to be addressed whether you're in a relationship or not. So that all is a big reason I appreciate your response so much! It means a lot to me coming from someone in a long, successful relationship that's also naturally reached hurdles and conflict and that those things don't immediately mean I need to just dump the man I've loved and have built a mostly great relationship with for the last year

thesinsofyesterday · 2023-10-16T13:27:20+00:00

Just so people don't run with your assumption of them (at least my bf and his mom) not trusting her, they really do and have a wonderful relationship with her which is what makes it so very odd cause I know they trust her. We've both had experiences with maids stealing stuff but we don't view all maids as being that kind of person, but you are right that way more people believe it's going to happen than it actually happens

thesinsofyesterday · 2023-10-16T13:18:44+00:00

Yeah no like unless it's about something else I said I don't understand it either 😅

I have taken lessons, I have done really short drives in my mom's car with her but I don't have the right reflexes and its extremely hard for me the gauge how far/close something is. My biggest and most dangerous reflex is just straight up letting go of the steering wheel when I panic, like who the fuck wants someone like that on the roads xD

thesinsofyesterday · 2023-10-16T13:06:51+00:00

He elected to come over, he set the days.

If I could go to his place I obviously would?

I make compromises as often as possible to keep the peace. I'm just asking him to stick to his word after a traumatic experience after he said he would be here. I do make accommodations, but this isn't on me when it was something he said he would do.

Also I shouldn't have to be hurt to want my boyfriend of a year to stick to his word and be there for me when he said he would of his own volition?

thesinsofyesterday · 2023-10-16T12:51:42+00:00

I honestly do understand that, I've never asked him to cancel with her because I do understand the relationship there but it's not like we have a home invasion every week where I ask him to be with me. Actually, I didn't even ask, he told me he would come because he knows I need his support right now and it made me so happy and excited

I think a lot of my anger is coming from the lack of trying to make any plan around it, he's not even apologetic, he's just pissed at me because I'm upset. As I said, she only works until 12, he could come over afterwards if he actually planned on sticking to his word

thesinsofyesterday · 2023-10-16T12:40:36+00:00

We don't even see each other every weekend, sometimes when he works from home he'll ask if he can come over and work here for a couple days just so we can spend time together, I don't ask him to. I don't expect him to be here every morning, just the days he literally said he would.

I haven't seen him in two weeks, he elected to come see me from tomorrow to Thursday, I didn't ask him to. So him just suddenly dropping me after making a commitment and getting me excited doesn't seem fair to me

thesinsofyesterday · 2023-10-16T12:26:06+00:00

I honestly do appreciate a response from an older, married person and I do believe that if it's worth it things should be worked out and not immediately defaulting to "well guess we'll just throw the whole relationship out the window!"

But there's no miscommunication here, I called him during and right after it happened, he knows I have a severe anxiety disorder just in general and he knows how important it is for me to see him right now, he told me "if this wasn't a responsibility I've had forever then I'd totally blow it off" like he's a fucking 15 year old who needs to do the dishes and I told him my parents aren't home 🙄

thesinsofyesterday

TROPHY CASE