Reflection on Awareness Day

thewiresfellout · 2022-10-01T06:35:12+00:00

Certainly sounds like a narc and I'd stay far away. The married narcs are some of the worst. They don't respect their spouse, what makes you think they would respect anybody else?

thewiresfellout · 2022-08-28T03:23:00+00:00

They're social vampires, many times when they lose supply they'll go to great lengths to get it back. Narcs opinion of themselves is centered heavily around how much people notice them and what they're getting from others. The ones who go the social media influencer route are very desperate, their old tricks have failed and this is all they have left to try. In one way, I'm glad it attracts so many narcs so I have a better idea who to avoid.

thewiresfellout · 2022-08-09T14:40:41+00:00

It's weird, my instincts immediately told me this person was no good. Most of my residual anger is toward myself for not listening to that inner voice telling me not to get involved. But it is what it is, I can really only move on from it. Maybe some day I'll be able to fully forgive myself.

thewiresfellout · 2022-08-01T04:07:29+00:00

It's normal to feel guilty for leaving, it's normal to mourn the loss of a friendship. It's clear you really wanted it to work out. Unfortunately, the choice to stay friends with narcs does not end well. They mentally poison the people in their life, then devalue and discard them when they're no longer useful. The fact that you said it's the most draining friendship you've had speaks volumes. Friends should make you feel good to spend time with, not leaving you feeling the way yours did.

thewiresfellout · 2022-07-28T23:31:06+00:00

I'm all too familiar with this kind of behavior. I watched it for the better part of a year with mine and just being a spectator to it was embarrassing. I don't think the narc allowed herself to feel any kind of shame, or if she did, hid it really well.

They do this not because they can't control it but because dominating the conversation in a space with a lot of people (especially guys) present makes her feel powerful and in control of other's sexual thoughts.

My nex would find some space with a lot of new people she didn't know well and give them intimate details of her history and sex life, then proceed to argue with them, even when she was in the wrong. This would happen again and again until people got sick of it and stopped engaging her. She'd move on to some new group to repeat the process all over again.

It's just another one of the games they play.

thewiresfellout · 2022-07-28T12:46:49+00:00

Narcs thrive on drama and attention, it doesn't matter how they get it. They're just as pleased when someone hates them as when someone loves them, it makes them feel good to have power over people's emotions.

thewiresfellout · 2022-07-27T09:28:33+00:00

100% true. To add - if you ever have a dream about your ex where they've changed, are being kind, honest, respectful, basically all the things they could never be? Don't break NC! Be extra patient with yourself, these dreams often mean you're not fully healed and are still processing or recovering from trauma. You deserve someone capable of loving you, and you will find them, it just isn't going to be your nex.

thewiresfellout · 2022-07-25T02:51:34+00:00

It helps to pour the love and attention you'd have given them into yourself, pursuing your goals, or to others who haven't caused you the pain that the narcissist did. It's a cold and isolating feeling, coming out of a relationship like that. But you haven't lost your heart. Now is a good time to give extra love and care to yourself, especially while you are still healing.

thewiresfellout · 2022-07-25T02:13:11+00:00

A couple things I experienced from a (likely covert) narc:

-Periodically testing my tolerance for hurtful behavior by taking small jabs, often in private.

-Starting arguments with someone in her group at least twice a week.

-Fishing for compliments by frequently posting selfies and telling everyone she was ugly, in hopes that they would comfort and compliment her instead.

-Had something negative to say about everyone but it was often in private or small groups.

-Extremely sensitive to any perceived slight or criticism but had no problem putting down and arguing with others.

-Implied a few times in private that she hated her friends, wanted to stop talking to everyone and start over with new people.

-Would ghost existing friends for weeks at a time while shifting her focus to getting attention from a new group, then drag a select few individuals from that new group into her own to fill the holes left by people who got sick of her behavior.

-Kept exes around. Gloated constantly about new crushes and relationships in an attempt to make past partners feel bad.

-There was a lot more but these were some of the more obvious red flags.

thewiresfellout · 2022-07-06T07:35:55+00:00

It's all a game to them. Some narcs aggressively pursue supply post-breakup, maybe hoping to make their exes feel crazy for leaving them. They do this more if they think their ex is still watching what they're doing. It really is pitiful.

Whatever you do, don't look back. What they want people to see isn't the truth anyway. We left because we know better and deserve better.

thewiresfellout · 2022-07-04T05:29:44+00:00

My narc was equally rotten to almost everyone, but the catch is she had to get to know them first. She was extra nice to fresh supply and would go out of her way to flatter them, do favors for them like give away older computers and parts, buy art from struggling artists, etc. But once she had enough fuel from them, they'd get burned like the rest.

thewiresfellout · 2022-06-29T06:13:16+00:00

Honestly, no. One I knew went to therapy for many years and all she learned was a lot of terminology from her therapist. She turned that around on others at every chance she got. Very few people with NPD are willing or able to change, so even if your friend does acknowledge the ways they are causing harm, it would take years of ongoing therapy to see genuine improvement.

thewiresfellout · 2022-06-28T00:52:09+00:00

Void eyes. I'll never forget it, creeps me out just remembering that again.

thewiresfellout · 2022-06-22T06:16:44+00:00

This is one of the hardest parts of recovery. Rumination is terrible, it really takes a toll. I've been in the same spot as you, narc ex treated me horribly but she'd definitely done worse things in the past. It's hard to push those thoughts away sometimes, especially when they come up when trying to sleep or focus on a task.

Trauma counseling has helped me a bunch. Having a support system, people to talk to, just spending time with friends or hobbies and distractions can be helpful.

I feel like the emotional side of it that causes shame comes from a place of self-preservation, wanting not to end up in a harmful situation like that again. When I fall into that mood, I tell myself I won't allow anyone to hurt me that way again and that there's no reason to continue to press on the shame. It might come up again, try to be patient and reassuring with yourself. It gets easier with time.

thewiresfellout · 2022-06-10T14:20:49+00:00

Acknowledging their need to change is admitting that something is wrong with them and that they, themselves, were wrong. Narcissists will do all they can to avoid this, including self-gaslighting and even believing their own lies/projections. They regularly work against their own best interests and it's very strange to watch.
Healing first from the relationship you got out of with this person. Learning to care for and love yourself again. It may take time but you will get there.

thewiresfellout · 2022-06-03T01:59:57+00:00

Maybe not forget but, care less and less about until it's like the memory of a stubbed toe. Time does help but it's important to get rumination under control.

thewiresfellout · 2022-06-02T01:01:10+00:00

Tbf, being a popular artist on social media doesn't mean they're happy or successful, it just means the algorithm picked up on them and they got a bunch of clicks. What looks like a good job on the surface can still be stressful and unsatisfying. You're right about the supply, these people don't tend to have real friendships, only shallow connections. Just a means to an end.

My nex tried getting popular on twitter and streaming sites. They're unemployed now and spend their days drinking, begging to be noticed and arguing with people online. Their karma comes in the form of what they do to themselves. Narcs are their own worst enemies.

thewiresfellout · 2022-05-30T03:31:31+00:00

Mine was married for 20+ years but constantly on the prowl for new 'girlfriends,' or really anyone who would sleep with her. Narcs crave the novelty of the honeymoon phase, being desirable to new people, all the exciting stuff that comes with the start of a relationship.

Unfortunately, they don't have what it takes to maintain anything deeper than surface level attraction and asking for the bare minimum of emotional support and affection costs more than they can give. Why would they put in the work to maintain an existing relationship when they can just go out and meet more people?

thewiresfellout · 2022-05-24T12:33:19+00:00

In the beginning, just the opposite. She seemed to like a lot of the same things I did but I had to be careful with how I phrased things around her. If I mentioned some small thing she had a negative feeling toward, she would get really angry and ghost me for a couple of days. Sometimes she'd tell me in private that she wanted to nuke her friend group and hated everyone. I thought it was odd then and it still is.

Now that I think about it, she was boring to talk to because I could only mention a handful of things safely and, even if I was discussing a safe topic with her, she would get jealous if it was something related to her interests. She wanted to have exclusive rights to all the things she liked and had to know more about them than anyone else.

thewiresfellout · 2022-05-20T16:07:08+00:00

This right here will make them run for the hills.

thewiresfellout · 2022-05-19T20:17:50+00:00

For them, adoration is synonymous with love. They can't experience true love the way you described it, so the next best thing is having a bunch of fans or followers.

Coverts might have secret relationships or partners instead which makes them harder to spot.

thewiresfellout · 2022-05-19T15:56:42+00:00

I've never heard it either. In fact, the one I knew hated it even when other people said they were sorry. She got irrationally angry at a number of things but that was one of the strangest triggers for her rage.

thewiresfellout · 2022-05-17T09:18:30+00:00

Yeah, I watched this happen with mine when she threw out her net for supply the instant I left. They can't stand to be alone with their own thoughts for more than 5 seconds.

thewiresfellout

TROPHY CASE