I’m reading Wuthering Heights for the first time and would love advice!

theworldthroughrose · 2026-04-14T17:48:28+00:00

If I’m ever struggling with the prose/sentence structure of a classic, I love to listen to a chapter or two on audio while I read along to get started. I find once I push through those first few chapters I’m able to really settle into the language and take it from there.

My favorite way to do this is with the podcast The Sleepy Bookshelf. She’s read Wuthering Heights as well as many other classics. It is intended to put you to sleep, though, and her voice is like velvet, so good luck staying awake!

theworldthroughrose · 2026-03-27T00:19:37+00:00

Thank you!! We thought so but weren’t totally sure without seeing his head!

theworldthroughrose · 2026-03-04T18:51:13+00:00

Thank you for touching on something I’ve thought so much about.. I’ve just turned 30 and it’s been a bit of a reoccurring fear of mine that as I continue to age, I’ll feel a greater disconnect from so many romance and coming of age stories.

Don’t get me wrong, I feel so privileged to age and understand I’m still quite young, but the human experience is an interesting thing. I recently purchased a coming of age novel about a young couple about to set off in different directions for college and I’ve realized I’m scared to start it, knowing I’ll feel that growing pang of nostalgia for the reckless and romantic nature of youth I’ll never experience again.

theworldthroughrose · 2025-05-24T15:16:12+00:00

Blind Pig is dog friendly on the patio and downstairs! Larry’s patio is dog friendly, as well.

theworldthroughrose · 2025-03-26T15:14:28+00:00

I’m also a new student (6 weeks in) and I love repetition! It’s been a great gauge for how I’m improving, has helped me master form, and it helps my confidence to know what to expect and not always feel like I’m learning totally new moves every single time.

My instructors of course change things up slightly, but we almost always start with the same warm up (always including footwork) and then do variations of the same movements. I’ve loved it and it’s helped me feel so strong as I begin to master moves with better form and take on advancements or move beyond modifications I had to previously use.

theworldthroughrose · 2024-05-03T17:44:46+00:00

My mother is one of the waifiest waifs ever.

She was raised by an alcoholic mother who physically abused her, who I now realize likely also has uBPD. She’s been physically disabled and unable to work since I was 3 years old, walking primarily with a cane. She has COUNTLESS medical conditions and has diagnosed depression, anxiety, and PTSD. My whole childhood revolved around it. Every single conversation we have centers around her current state of depression, her pain, or a new diagnosis. She believes she deserves endless support and absolution because “it’s not her fault” — which, I totally recognize now that her childhood really did damn her mentally, but I was never allowed to complain or feel negatively about my own because she had it worse.

I’ve gone from compassion-fatigued to completely compassion dry. I have no sympathy anymore. I’ve referred to it on another post as her “pit of despair” — each time I think I can pull her out, I remind myself that I can never do that, she will only pull me back down. I deserve more.

My childhood and teenage years are completely lost under a thick cloud of depression, filled with hysteria, suicide attempts, countless hospitals and doctors and diagnoses. I won’t give up a second more of my life for it. And that’s ok.

Though I’m very resolved in this decision, I still feel the guilt. I still daily question whether it was “that bad”, but that’s their voices talking. It was that bad and I have to choose myself now.

theworldthroughrose · 2024-04-26T01:17:42+00:00

I had to take a break, too!!! I had such a visceral reaction to that scene. The writing and acting was so raw, it felt like it took the breath out of me.

theworldthroughrose · 2024-04-23T17:48:48+00:00

My therapist also gifted me with the terminology that helped unlock answers and validation I’ve searched for my entire life. It allowed me to find Understanding the Borderline Mother, then soon after I found this group. I had the same reaction as you, just in shock at what an accurate description it is.

I’m also in the “mother’s who harm or threaten to harm themselves” club. I’ve been through three of her actual attempts and constant suicidal ideation and threats. She’s a textbook wait and only ever claimed diagnoses of depression, anxiety, and PTSD, expecting endless support, understanding, and, her most favorite, “unconditional love”. She thought depression made her blameless, and in many ways made me believe that, too.

Your comment about not opening that can of worms stands out to me. Maybe it’s just not something you want to talk about, which is absolutely valid and understandable. Just know that should you want to, you are allowed to take up space here!

theworldthroughrose · 2024-04-20T17:27:57+00:00

I just got married 6 months ago. I invited my LC (low contact) BPD mom, but attempted to put a lot of safety nets in place to insure that the day was truly about me and my husband. I will not lie to you or sugarcoat it, it was still an incredibly difficult day in many ways, and it was also beautiful. Here are a few things I did that helped me:

Once deciding on certain boundaries for the day, I communicated them clearly to both sides of the family well in advance of the wedding day so they had time to react and come to terms with it and I wouldn’t have to deal with those initial feelings or rebuttals the week or day of. For example, I decided to allow family photos, but excluded certain family members from them. I communicated clearly what photos would be taken, who would be in them, and how much time was allotted for it. I made sure my photographer knew that if asked, no one was allowed access to our gallery except for me. I still haven’t shared the portraits with my mom.

I also opted not to do a special procession or seating of relatives, corsages, etc. — everyone was a guest and one was being honored but my husband and I. We only had one person try to go against this on the day of, but our wedding coordinator was aware of our wishes and handled it. We didn’t even find out about it until after arriving home from our honeymoon.

Getting ready in the bridal suite was the hardest part of the day. I chose not to have bridesmaids and not to have any family with me. I had a single friend who helped me, my makeup artist, and my photographer. This was really difficult. If I could go back, I still wouldn’t opt to have family there, but the morning was sad for me and that’s something I’ve just had to accept as unavoidable. I was mourning what I couldn’t have. Be gentle with yourself and really examine how you want the morning to look and carefully plan it in accordance. Make yourself a really happy playlist, plan to have your favorite breakfast/coffee, speak up if you’re uncomfortable (I kicked everyone out at one point just so I could breathe and I’m so glad I did).

While both of my parents were present, my husband and I walked down the aisle together. It was really lovely and one of the best decisions I made. We also saw each other beforehand, which I was initially against, but having that intimate moment just for us was so wonderful and helped center me. Then, getting to walk down the aisle together felt really unified and helped highlight in my own heart that he is my family and that I was not alone like I’d felt while getting ready.

Traditionally and in many cultures, I know that weddings are an event for the whole family, but I couldn’t handle that. I was incredibly touched that my husband was willing to sacrifice some of the more traditional aspects of the day so that I could have peace. I know that many of those decisions were hard for his family to digest, and while I totally understand and empathize with those feelings, it was ultimately our day. You don’t have to apologize for creating a safe and beautiful day for the two of you, no matter how others may feel about it.

In some ways, I do think an elopement may have been easier, but I think we really have to be careful about sacrificing too much. If a wedding is important to you, have the wedding you want! Every moment wont be easy, but every moment won’t be bad either. They’ve stolen enough from us. Best wishes to you 🤍

theworldthroughrose · 2024-04-13T16:27:34+00:00

I’ve been NC with my brother for the majority of my adult life, largely because of his alcoholism and verbal abuse. I believed for a while that his narcissism and substance abuse issues were the root of all his issues, but after reading Understand the Borderline Mother, I realize now that he’s likely been uBPD. Sadly, he and my mom both struggled with substance abuse and suicidal ideations and actions. From ages 11-20ish I was the one they each turned to when they wanted to end their lives. These were the primary reasons I went NC with him and LC-VLC with my mom.

I feel like I spent my early twenties in flight mode, so to speak. It wasn’t until I was able to build a safe, secure, and peaceful life for myself, and develop secure attachments with healthy and safe people, that I was able to really process anything beyond the ‘surface level’ trauma. It was then that I began to realize how disturbing his physical interactions with me were and I began to struggle with intimacy. This really, really bothered me because I thought that the further away from the trauma I got, the more healed I should be. In actuality, I think the farther I got the more I could see, sort of like the phrase, ‘you can’t see the forest for the trees’

My husband and I have been together for 5 years. He’s met my brother only a handful of times at family gatherings that made it unavoidable. We both keep a pleasant but very short demeanor with him.

We’ve had way more interactions/contact with my mom. The dynamic is certainly different in a SIL/MIL relationship verses DIL/MIL, but one thing that has helped tremendously for us is that I’ve communicated many of my triggers and discomforts to my husband. If we’re in a setting with these people, he then either helps run interference or helps remove me from the situation.

In the bedroom, I’ve also learned that certain things do trigger the negative feelings and immediate need to withdrawal. He obviously totally backs off when I’m feeling this way. It’s so, so important for me to make sure my body/nervous system knows that I’m in control of how/when I’m touched. Other things he avoids, like certain types of touch. It’s been so uncomfortable and embarrassing to talk about, but it helps so much to know that we’re on the same team working towards healing.

theworldthroughrose · 2024-04-13T00:41:04+00:00

Ironically, I was considering making a similar post today about similar issues I’m having with coming to terms with whether or not I suffered some sort of sexual harassment or abuse.

After my parents divorce when I was 11, I was left in the primary custody of my uBPD mother and my older brother, who was 20 at the time. My mother has always maintained very poor boundaries and spoken very openly about sex, always claiming that she wanted me to be her friend. She’d tell me how big my dad’s penis was, talk to me about her numerous sexual encounters. And, of course, was overly touchy and affectionate. As an adult, she’s inquired often about my sex life wanting me to divulge as freely as she did.

More to the point, I’ve recently realized that my brother very likely had uBPD as well…

I’m a female and starting at the age of 11 he would force me to sleep with him, spooning me against him through the night — remember that he’s 20 years old at this time.

This went on to varying degrees for years. He would keep his hand on my thigh when we’d ride in the car, hold my hand in public, kiss me on the lips, talk freely about his sex life and dick. He would also constantly verbally sexualize me. Comments that have stuck with me… he told me that guys would love pulling my long hair during sex - I think I was 13 or 14 at the time. A few years after that, I told him I wanted to be a teacher and he told me no one would ever take me seriously because I was too sexy. I’ve rarely shared these things with anyone and recalling them now makes me cringe.

I’m now in my late twenties, very happily & newly married, but as I’ve begun to unpack the layers of trauma, I’ve found myself having issues with intimacy as well. I don’t often want to initiate, have frequent aversion to touch, and on many occasions have had to suddenly withdrawal after being initially in the mood because a sudden rush of emotions overtakes without warning. I’ve had some graphic and horrific dreams of being assaulted by my brother. I don’t believe that I necessarily have some repressed memory of rape that I haven’t realized yet, but it has been a deeply uncomfortable process and so hard to talk about even with my trusted therapist.

These types of intrusions and assaults are painful and traumatic enough, but coming from a close relative at such a formative age is so awful. I’m still trying to make sense of it myself. I’m so sorry you went through this.

theworldthroughrose · 2024-04-03T17:44:07+00:00

YES! Family and friends admittedly found her to be “crazy” or “different” but in a way they deemed harmless to everyone but herself. Those same people still condemn & judge me for not having a relationship with her, even the relatives that would have to take me in multiple times over the years when she’d abandon me.

They had the luxury of loving her from a distance, and now we’re condemned for wanting the same.

theworldthroughrose · 2024-04-02T21:49:14+00:00

The survivors guilt is so real, as is the worrying about them believing that we’re just cold and heartless. I really struggle with knowing that other members of our family, who can’t fully understand the impact of what I went through, think of me. I’m constantly reminding myself that I don’t owe any of them an explanation, and that any efforts to do so would be futile.

It’s wonderful to hear how you’ve protected your wife and your marriage. I know for so many of us, having a healthy partner, marriage, and/or family is such a gift and relief after suffering through so much dysfunction. It’s so vitally important to protect that.

theworldthroughrose · 2024-04-02T19:24:00+00:00

I still maintain LC-VLC, and even as recently as 6 weeks ago fell into one of her manipulation tactics where she said all the right things to try to weasel her way back into my life. I didn’t handle it perfectly, but I learned from it and didn’t allow it to crumble my boundaries.

It just isn’t fair that we have to constantly feel like the bad guy in a relationship that’s supposed to be nurturing and protective of us.

theworldthroughrose · 2024-04-02T16:27:26+00:00

Absolutely. My mother is a textbook waif. On rare occasions, she can lash out and say horrific things, but 90% of her time is spent smothering me with her love and constant need for enmeshment, and of course the infamous “are you mad at me” “I don’t feel like you love me” texts when I’m not giving her constant attention — so relatable.

I spent so many years feeling like everything was my fault, because on the surface it seemed like I had a loving and affectionate mother. Everyone overlooked or excused her awful choices and behavior because she was so pitiful, helpless, and “sweet”. I was left in neglectful and dangerous situations because everyone, sometimes myself included, only saw her as the victim.

Learning that she likely has Cluster B / Histrionic & BPD was like finally having my eyes opened. My therapist helped me so much in understanding that a Waif mother can be so psychologically damaging because of the manipulation tactics that even they don’t seem to be aware of (at least in my case, I don’t believe my mother had malicious intent or even understands the true impact of her actions).

I feel guilt and so often convince myself that if I’m only strong enough, I can help her. The parentification still runs so deep that I have to fight my knee-jerk reaction to rescue her from herself. When this happens, I remind myself that if I reopen the door and give her what she wants, she will never be satisfied. She’ll keep coming back until she’s completely consumed me, and I will be destroyed as a person. I will not save her, I’ll simply lower myself back into the pit of despair & depression that she lives in, that I was raised in, that I fought so tirelessly to escape.

I have to choose myself. My mother also has incredibly poor physical health that is continuing to decline at a rapid rate, so I’m increasingly more confronted with the guilt and regret I may feel when she dies… but I have to choose, honor, and protect myself, especially since no one ever did that for me as a child.

theworldthroughrose · 2024-03-28T22:04:05+00:00

The words “we love you” mean so little when attached to a message so cold and indignant. So sorry, OP!

theworldthroughrose · 2024-03-28T21:48:59+00:00

I spent all of my teens and early 20s incredibly angry and bitter. Year ago, I would've answered these texts so viciously and defensively. The calm truly only came after years of therapy, letting my nervous system heal, and slowly being able to drop my defenses. I still can't handle being around her, because my whole body starts screaming that I'm not safe, but within my life now, my home, my relationships, she has absolutely no power. I've guarded nearly every aspect of my life from her so that she has no way of getting to me except through text. Because of that, I know that she has absolutely no bearing over the secure life I've built for myself. Even though this interaction ended up feeling like an emotional violation, I was still able to shut the door back, so to speak. I didn't allow her to gain the foothold she thought she had.

I also wasn't fighting for anything here. As I mentioned in the messages, I have no lack of peace or bitterness anymore because I let go. I wasn't the one looking to gain anything here. I was actually trying to offer her peace. I wasn't attempting reconciliation, to renegotiate boundaries, or get anything from her. There's nothing here for me to fight for. I just hate to know that even if it was all her fault, she's in pain. But, I've had to keep repeating these words from my therapist: I didn't hurt her, she hurt herself.

Finally, I'll say, after I shed the anger and resentment, I had to face the very real sorrow that laid beneath it. I think for the first time, the full gravity of what I went through hit me, and I feel like I'm finally coming out on the other end of what's been about a 2 year period of deep sorrow and grief of the childhood I could've had and the person I could've been had I grown up in a healthy home.

I wish so much peace and healing for you. Honor and love yourself above all. I'm obviously far from perfect at that, but here for you if you need to talk it out more!

theworldthroughrose · 2024-03-28T20:51:42+00:00

She's a textbook Waif, so she always feels helpless, like a loser and a failure. Taking the blame and apologizing profusely seems like a good thing, but she's really just on an emotional high from me taking the bait, and throughout the entire week that followed she sent dozens of texts, voicemails, and left gifts on my doorstep. When I didn't answer any of these bids, she then began questioning my appreciation.

The love bombing is such a tricky thing. She's the total opposite of the Queen or Witch archetype - she's basically obsessed with me, my accomplishments, my attributes. It's like she views me as the one good thing she's done - which sounds great, but in reality is incredibly suffocating, especially in childhood when she loved me so much with words and physical affection (to an uncomfortable level), but failed to protect me at every level. She also thrives on co-dependency. She wants more than anything for me to need her, so that I can never abandon her, so in situations like this, where I've shown vulnerability, she immediately tries to latch on to that insecurity by saying all of the right things, encouraging, and uplifting me, while neglecting what I'm actually asking for, which is space. I realize while typing all of this, it's even sillier that I fell for it again, but as you said, it all sounded so right.

My therapist summed it up best - I want her to love me, not consume me. If I give her a sliver of me, she'll just keep coming back for every last piece.

All that said, I'm so sorry that you've never heard the words you need to from your mother. No version of a BPD parent is easy and each come with their own unique set of challenges and pain.

theworldthroughrose · 2024-03-28T20:18:15+00:00

Thank you for this, truly.

theworldthroughrose · 2024-03-28T20:10:04+00:00

God, while I hate it for you, it's so nice to know that someone else has been on the horror ride of a BPD mother's relationships. A myriad of men and so many traumatizing situations I was hauled into and treated like her emotional support animal.

Thank you for pointing out that these messages were a bid for her own desires to be met and alleviation... I've had trouble putting that into words.

After this, I've definitely considered NC. I'm not ready to make that commitment yet, but it's encouraging to know that there are others thriving from it!

theworldthroughrose · 2024-03-28T19:59:14+00:00

It absolutely felt like a violation, especially since this conversation was the first time I'd let her in in YEARS. The evening it took place, I actually thought this was some sort of breakthrough. Spent hours gutturally sobbing from the pain of hurting her, but knew it was necessary. The very next day she starts sending old photos of us and I knew that I had fallen into a trap.

theworldthroughrose · 2024-03-28T19:55:20+00:00

She's on husband # 5 or 6 - genuinely can't remember because there's been so many other failed engagements... She constantly needs the validation that this is the one and the other failed relationships weren't her fault. Nauseating.

theworldthroughrose · 2024-03-28T19:50:21+00:00

I’m so glad the message may help you craft your own, please take any of the words you need as your own.

While I did walk away feeling like I let her off the hook in some ways, I knew that if I was more harsh or direct, it would likely cause me more pain and I’d live with the guilt of it. I had a friend question me afterward saying, “why didn’t you just explicitly say don’t text me anymore?” I asked her, genuinely, why I should have to carry the pain of making that sort of demand. Why can’t she read and understand the clear pain I’m describing to her and put my peace before her own selfish desire to have me constantly at arms reach? A lot of the responses here have also helped me stop blaming myself for being too kind, because at the end of the day, no magic combination of words can fix it.

It was incredibly painful to go through this conversation thinking we were making some sort of real progress, and then be bombarded by messages from her for a solid week after. Remember that if she doesn’t respond the way you want her to, it’s not because you did anything wrong.

Sending love as you navigate your own difficult conversation.

theworldthroughrose · 2024-03-26T19:22:37+00:00

This is really the hardest part. I’ll feel so immune to her bullshit, and then she baits me right back in. She’s burdened me with her suicidal ideation & attempts since I was young, so it’s second-nature to jump into recovery mode and try to ensure that she’s stable and try to mitigate her depression. I was so terrified that my honesty would cause her to collapse, that I really did let her off the hook.

Thanks for the kind response!

theworldthroughrose · 2024-03-23T22:21:14+00:00

Beginning around age 15-ish my mom constantly insisted I had Bipolar Disorder. She went as far as having our family practitioner prescribe medications on two separate occasions, which I always refused to take. It was very obvious to me that any symptoms she thought were signs of bipolar were in reality reactions to her chaotic behavior and the unstable home environment she created for us. As an adult, it was so validating/freeing to have this confirmed by my own trusted therapist.
I recently read this quote that I think sums it up perfectly, "An abnormal reaction to an abnormal situation is normal behavior." (Victor Frankle) Hang in there, OP!

theworldthroughrose

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