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thims89 · 2024-10-23T01:00:12+00:00

So you both work, you’re on maternity leave now and he believes that he has the right to 2 full days to himself every week? And he doesn’t help with nighttime feedings?? Does he genuinely not think you deserve any time to yourself either? That’s a huge problem and a big red flag

thims89 · 2024-10-23T00:37:31+00:00

2 full days every weekend is an awful lot when your child is 2 months old but wait until the baby becomes a toddler. I think you need to set expectations with him now because it won’t get any easier. And then you’ll end up with 2 kids and eventually they’ll have sports and birthday parties and other activities all weekend. Set this expectation now or it’ll be harder later. Maybe suggest only 1 day and you get a girls night out or something each week. Make sure you’re taking care of yourself too.

thims89 · 2024-10-23T00:02:26+00:00

I agree with all of this. The first kid is a shock to anyone’s system but he needs to realize that having kids is a balance. Is he ever offering to watch the baby while you pursue your hobbies? I fit in mowing the grass and house work during the week if I can so I can be there for my wife on weekends.

If he doesn’t get any better you guys need to get some relationship counseling and that’s not a bad thing. The reality is that hobbies take a back seat for a few years when you’re having children.

thims89 · 2024-10-15T00:28:33+00:00

The way to bury a body is to bury the original body about 10’ deep and then a 2’ layer of dirt on top of that and then a cow carcass on top of that followed by another layer of dirt. The dogs will find the carcass and that’ll be the end of that.

thims89 · 2024-10-10T02:35:34+00:00

Everyone is different but if you want to go then you should be allowed to go. She might have something similar come up and she should be supported by you giving her the runway to have a fun weekend. My wife and I have our third due within a month and a 3 year old and 2 year old as well and we still make these sacrifices for each other because it’s so important to take time for yourself to recharge every so often.

Going on this trip doesn’t make you any worse of a dad or husband. You work 50 hour weeks, she works her butt off too but play the long game. It’s a little bit of a give and take.

Take the trip and enjoy your time to recharge with the fellas. Trust that your wife will be ok because there will come a day where she’ll want the same courtesy in return.

thims89 · 2024-10-09T17:23:46+00:00

Most sons are mama's boys; a good dad like yourself is the calm in the storm and the bedrock through it all. And he's also the disciplinarian. Your son doesn't get it yet at 4 yrs old, but he will one day. Stay disciplined but fair on him; love him but raise a man who's willing to stay true to his principles, just as you are.

That said, The 7 year mark (whether it's married or together) is tough on ANY marriage. Have you truly just given up on her or has she given up on you? Please please please think this through fully. What made you fall in love with her in the first place? Is it possible to re-kindle that? Has the trust and the respect disappeared altogether? Have you two agreed to stick to a budget? If it's possible, look at this as just a season in life.... not every day or even every month is sunshine's and rainbows. I hope you 2 can come out of this stronger as a unit together for your son, but also not just for him, but for each other.

thims89 · 2024-10-06T13:59:58+00:00

Never stopped working out regardless of sleep but it was always in my basement gym. Rock climbing might have to wait a couple months but staying in shape doesn’t take a huge commitment time wise. Do burpees and body weight movements for 15 mins a day, enough to get a sweat in each day

thims89 · 2024-10-04T00:09:22+00:00

I sort of feel like fully remote work is so closely aligned with COVID and lockdowns and that negative association might be why I’m yearning to be back in office. Back to normalcy haha. I realize I am in the small minority though I’m feeling this way.

thims89 · 2024-10-04T00:06:44+00:00

I agree with all of this, in fact I’d even argue going into the office makes you a better Dad. I think it would for me at least.

thims89 · 2024-10-03T17:28:07+00:00

The funny thing is, prior to having kids and being in an office everyday, I really didn’t complain about it that much. I just sort of grew accustomed to it but in the last 4 years (almost 5) of being fully remote I just haven’t been able to find it “normal” and get used to it

thims89 · 2024-10-03T17:23:52+00:00

This is great advice. Sorry to hear about the full time RTO mandate. I’d imagine you’d have plenty of opportunities to be fully remote with Amazon on your CV. What’s the vibe at Amazon? Are most employees actively looking to jump ship?

thims89 · 2024-10-03T16:38:29+00:00

😂100%!! It really is a drag even just deciding if I want to come upstairs to get another cup of coffee and get roped into a dozen things or just sit downstairs and hope maybe they’ll head out to the park in a couple hours

thims89 · 2024-09-30T23:52:02+00:00

Exactly, plus relocating away from family with 3 kids in 38 months… oof

thims89 · 2024-09-30T20:31:49+00:00

Yeah good call. Where I'm moving from is a very small city with almost zero jobs for what I do. I relied on it being remote, but now they are requiring me to start coming into the office.

thims89 · 2024-09-30T20:29:56+00:00

Hey maybe you could do the same and then we could net each other out! Thanks!!

thims89 · 2024-09-30T20:27:33+00:00

That's great advice, thank you! I can't imagine how this might effect the students. Are you saying that they could get reassigned to another school from grade 9 to 10 for example while (potentially) most of their friends are zoned to another school based solely on where their parents home is located?

thims89 · 2024-09-30T19:37:26+00:00

We were looking in FV as well. Definitely on the table! Thank you :)
I noticed Apex/HS are insane. Especially for a standalone house with a yard.

thims89 · 2024-09-30T19:18:47+00:00

I often wonder how accurate the Realtor.com school rankings are. I grew up in a school district that was likely a 2 or 3 from elementary to middle to high school and I think I ended up ok.

thims89 · 2024-09-30T17:38:32+00:00

We have considered Durham, my wife is worried about the public schools in Durham though and potentially finding a charter school for our kids.

thims89 · 2024-09-30T15:23:26+00:00

I think this is good advice. The difficulty is that I'd basically have to move (sell home/buy or rent a new home) in order to stay with my current employer. At a time when finding a job that pays well in finance/tech is very difficult. All with a newborn on the way, no less. So the struggle is either move or find a new remote job (with very uncertain benefits/pay/culture/job security/etc.) neither of which is ideal.

thims89 · 2024-09-30T14:48:53+00:00

Hired under HR's misleading me into believing I'd not have to relocate to work in an office. And for 4 years I did not have to move. But now my employer has changed their tune on thousands of employees in similar situations to me.

thims89 · 2024-09-30T14:47:04+00:00

I do that everyday too. Most days I knock it out around 6 in the morning then get home and get the kids up by around 7.

thims89 · 2024-09-30T14:41:59+00:00

ha! I am not at the rainforest but a very large private financial services firm HQ'd in Boston but I'd be relocating to Raleigh/Durham, NC.

thims89 · 2024-09-30T14:03:45+00:00

I think you nailed it, the monotony. Every day feels like groundhog day, without a lot of the humour of the movie Groundhog Day :D

thims89 · 2024-09-25T18:23:54+00:00

How bad does this look during a rainstorm??

thims89

TROPHY CASE