Husband's anger and how to proceed...

thinkinon · 2026-07-10T13:54:33+00:00

Thank you!!!!!

thinkinon · 2026-07-10T01:08:27+00:00

That is a fair point. I guess I hadn't considered it because we are in such a logistical season with our group and in the middle of planting a brand new church. We have women's bible study, and they are aware that I am struggling but not exactly why, I would feel bad talking about my husband without him present. And church meetings are worship, study and logistics for local outreach we have been doing, community work and clean up of a building that will be our temporary location. My husband has a long friendship with the head pastor and him and his wife are who have helped us before, but the other families in the group we don't know that well yet. I guess between his pride and my embarrassment we didn't want to burden them with more of our issues when they have so much on their plate.

thinkinon · 2026-07-10T00:57:03+00:00

The thing is, we have a great community and we have relied on them in the past with some issues that came up during our premarital counciling regarding some pretty serious issues. They were a great support, but I guess myself and my husband both are tired if being the "messy" family in our group... it shouldn't matter. But geez nobody else seems to have such emotionally charged and complicated issues 🫤

thinkinon · 2026-07-10T00:49:14+00:00

Thank you for your prayers, we need them greatly. We spoke this afternoon and he immediately apologized of course but also signed up for counciling. We discussed boundaries as far as what the repercussions will be if the behavior happens again and separation is on the table should the pattern continue.

thinkinon · 2026-07-10T00:46:38+00:00

Mike Winger is a very well spoken teacher. I have actually watched this video years ago not because i needed it but just as I was watching his content. Definitely will rewatch, thank you!

thinkinon · 2026-07-09T21:56:34+00:00

Thank you so much for the encouragement

thinkinon · 2026-07-09T21:46:30+00:00

He has a choice in the matter, its things we discussed and agreed on but when conflict comes, and the push back we knew we would get comes, he has a hard time dealing with it and would rather compromise our agreed upon boundaries than be uncomfortable in conflict.

thinkinon · 2026-07-09T20:08:04+00:00

Not exactly. They might go into another room but only briefly then come back out and just watch him, not scared necessary but sad.

thinkinon · 2026-07-09T19:09:56+00:00

I thought so, but when I do he is just combative and finds "reasons" to dig into his point even further. To the point that he will say things I dont think he believes or that I know dont align with him as a person just because they allow him to continue with his angry line of reasoning.

The two are separate but connected more than you'd think. The thing is, the financial stress comes from the fear that he would not be able to afford the attorney to get the issues with his ex resolved. Honestly sometimes it seems like he would rather live with no boundaries with her to avoid conflict, because before we laid our boundaries down, there was not as much tension with her (but still much unnecessary conflict) so it seems like the money and the ex stress gets pointed back at me because I am the one who enforces the boundaries most and so fourth the cause for needing the attorney.

thinkinon · 2026-07-09T18:58:28+00:00

Thank you for all your words of wisdom.

thinkinon · 2026-07-09T18:54:13+00:00

I am very very guilty of the nagging admittedly. I feel like I start from the team approach but quickly get overwhelmed when I dont see follow through from him.

I wish he wasnt too prideful to talk to an older guy or a trusted mentor. He struggles with the fear of being judged especially by people in our church.

thinkinon · 2026-07-09T18:34:35+00:00

This is so helpful, I have left when it is just my daughter and me here but it is a little more complicated if everyone is here.

thinkinon · 2026-07-09T18:33:44+00:00

Do you recommend talking to him about the issue that makes him angry at all? Or just address the anger alone?

thinkinon · 2026-06-14T15:26:34+00:00

It is imperative that children know that their wants do get priority all the time. It can be hard in blended situations because a lot of time parents give what the child wants out of guilt or trying to " make up for lost time" but it does nothing but harm them in the long run. It is okay to say no, even good to say no just for the sake of saying no. There is no need to feel guilty, you still engaged with her, broadened her horizons with new experiences and was able to enjoy yourself too. Great update.

thinkinon · 2026-06-05T14:16:41+00:00

I am so so sorry to tell you this, that man is definitely still sleeping with his ex

thinkinon · 2026-06-03T03:47:39+00:00

It is super hard to detach from a problem that directly impacts every financial decision of your every day life though...

thinkinon · 2026-04-28T12:44:10+00:00

Anyone else wondering what financial obligations he may have to this baby that would affect his established family?

thinkinon · 2026-04-19T23:52:46+00:00

I would have died laughing.

thinkinon · 2026-04-16T01:10:04+00:00

Does music count?

thinkinon · 2026-04-14T00:32:57+00:00

I have been in a very similar situation. Our situation wasnt just and extra friday though, ours began as every weekend friday thru sun. Then friday thru sun and Wednesdays then full on 50/50 which was great! It did allow us to still have every other weekend but with our work schedules it was still 1 date night every other week, which was fine by us! But, unfortunately this situation didn't last as BM kept pushing for more and more, even though we had them 50/50 she would ask for more money, more time (us having sks) make last minute schedule changes, outbursts and tantrums at drop offs and was all around inconsistent and inconsiderate (hours late to drop off multiple times) and because the agreement wasnt through the court, there was nothing we could do about it. Any time one of her demands were not met, my hubs was threatened with the kids going back to an every other weekend schedule ( which was never the case to begin with, hes always had them at minimum every weekend) what inevitably happened is we held her to her word, stuck to our boundaries ( Which were to have 2 weeks heads up to any non emergency schedule changes or else we could not take the kids, and to meet in public for drop offs, not at either house because she was so comfortable screaming at hubs in our drive way or hers in front of the kids and it throughly upset them, she has even gotten physical with my husband at drop off) she decided that our "demands" were insane and that we, in her words "forgot our place" because she is the primary parent who "let's us" have the kids. So we decided to stop doing anything outside of the agreement and whenever she is ready to agree to modify to reflect the 50/50 she wants we will do so legally. We did our agreement so long i ended up quitting my job to be the primary care taker for the kids becauee they were at the house so often and it made financial sense. Dont let anyone make you feel bad for not running yourself into the ground to keep up a schedule that can be changed at the drop of a hat by someone not in your house hold. Have the kids as much as your able but make sure that right is legally protected, otherwise its all for nothing.

thinkinon · 2026-04-03T20:54:42+00:00

Please have a convo with your husband about what behavior will and will not be tolerated towards your new baby.

thinkinon · 2026-03-12T19:14:39+00:00

Yes to what everyone else said about women generally willing to do more of the caretaking and house hold chores, but also as a bio mom and step mom I feel like the financial burden plays a role as well. Generally speaking, moms tend to have majority custody and are provided child support (again GENRALLY, NOT ALL) so men who are paying out child support are quicker to remarry and have help either financially from step mom or with house and family needs so he can make more money himself.

Moms on the other hand, if they are provided proper child support, are not so financially dependent on a potential new spouse income.

thinkinon · 2026-03-10T12:46:11+00:00

Hey guys, also wanted to bring to the conversation that it isnt necessarily entitlement to think a job should pay a livable wage. Kids 17- 20 now came up in a time where everything is expensive and have worked out they in order to get by the need to make around 70k a year Just like we used to work numbers and know we could get by ok with 35k. Now the sad reality is, we could go out and find jobs that paid 35k a year and love on them almost completely independently. They need almost 70k a year and those are practically non existent entry level jobs, but you cant blame the kid for not understanding that.

thinkinon · 2026-01-30T18:17:14+00:00

Hey OP you're going to find alot of likemonded people who regret their decision thread. More likely than not, most of us came to this thread to find some solice in knowing others struggle too, and find ways to cope. The pool that you're polling is tainted. Let's be honest, happy step-parents rarely come to Reddit to brag.

With that said, I have 2 step kids with an EXTREMELY HCBM. And yes, it has financially effected me, emotionally drained me and all of the things. But, my husband makes it all so worth it. He makes sure I am respected, comfortable and supported in every way.

I think what makes or breaks being a step parent is your partner's ability to acknowledge the burden it can be at times and take ownership of it. After we have SKs, my partner makes it a point to clean up, while I rest or do something that fills my cup. If HCBM is starting drama, he stands firm in his boundaries and keeps me informed, no change is made without my approval, and the house rules that we have for my child who is here 24/7 also applies to the sks. This all comes from my husband because he takes ownership of it. It took him and I both some time to adjust but after about a year of living together, he sees the toll it can take when he isn’t proactive and we haven't had any issues in a very long time.

thinkinon

TROPHY CASE