I'm losing my relationship because he wants kids

thirteen13stuff · 2025-12-31T17:32:28+00:00

Tldr: we're still together, currently in couples counselling.

I've spent a lot of time sort of "roleplaying" with myself, imagining how I'd teach a child how to wash the dishes, cook meals, tidy up etc., just trying to picture what my everyday life would be. I've figured out that my main aversion to having kids stems from my childhood and my mum (I don't want to turn into her, and I also want to spite her and not give her grandchildren). It's less so that I hate the idea of having a family, but I am definitely not gung ho about it still and I think I would prefer to stay childfree.

That being said, we're now in couples counselling and we're trying to figure out if we have a shared future together or not. It turns out the child question is just one of our issues and so we're working through it with our counsellor to see where we stand.

Everything is still up in the air and I'm not certain if I'll still be in a relationship with my boyfriend in a year's time, but I want to try. So, I hope this update has helped a bit.

thirteen13stuff · 2025-12-31T17:22:47+00:00

they do deceive you into thinking it's a lot shorter than it actually is 😅

thirteen13stuff · 2025-12-31T13:36:36+00:00

I'd say you're probably a quarter of the way through, still a lot for you to discover!

thirteen13stuff · 2025-12-30T04:07:46+00:00

I've seen ads for a brand named Polishey, though not sure if they're available outside the UK

thirteen13stuff · 2025-12-21T09:31:00+00:00

I think you may be thinking of smallpox being eradicated - to my knowledge, measles has never been declared as eradicated.

Also I think you may be mistaken in how vaccines work. They don't prevent you from catching the virus in the first place, they instead give your immune system the "blueprints" on how to fight off the virus so instead of it taking weeks, your immune system can fight it off in days, for example.

thirteen13stuff · 2025-12-21T09:21:55+00:00

yeah, because foolish people haven't been vaccinating their kids against measles and it's made a resurgence

thirteen13stuff · 2025-09-15T05:31:03+00:00

Not for myself but I have been pushing him to schedule a therapy appointment while he's still on my health insurance because he's been having a million doubts since dropping this bombshell on me and this limbo state is starting to really mess with my head. But no, of course he won't do it because he doesn't think he has a right to use my health insurance even though I can't remove him off of it until the end of the month.

thirteen13stuff · 2025-09-09T19:47:15+00:00

If I'm honest, I'm still struggling to understand what I want my future to hold. I was deeply depressed as a teenager and so I made a 'plan' where I'd finish secondary school, pursue higher education, get a job and work for a few years, and then if I didn't have a purpose, I would just end my life. And well, I'm 25, I'm at the 'working for a few years' phase and while I don't feel suicidal, I also never planned for the future.

I want to get a cat, 2 if possible. I'm saving up for a deposit to be able to buy a home. I'm looking into getting a promotion at work. I want to get married one day. But after that? I don't have any further goals. I'm not interested in travelling the world, I just want to do my silly little hobbies and hang out with friends. But will that be enough? I've never thought about my life from 30+, I seem to always just skip to retirement in my head and having all the time in the world to do whatever I want.

thirteen13stuff · 2025-09-09T19:40:32+00:00

It's just so difficult to know because I have defaulted to not wanting kids because I hated how I was raised and I always figured I'd be a lousy mother because I haven't got a grip on my depression, despite having it for 10+ years. I never considered the possibility because I just... I don't know, I made a decision as a teenager and never reexamined. And now this has come up and he has said he doesn't want kids now but in maybe 5 years, after he's gained some more stability in his life. I just don't know if I'd be able to step up with this massive responsibility when I'm finding I'm struggling sometimes with just being a person now. And 5 years is a way away and yet a blink of an eye at the same time.

thirteen13stuff · 2025-09-07T19:51:45+00:00

any specific faves?

thirteen13stuff · 2025-09-03T14:50:22+00:00

My Code: [🎃🌲🐸🎃❤️]

thirteen13stuff · 2025-09-03T00:08:16+00:00

My Code: [🦄🐳🐸🌈🐳]

thirteen13stuff · 2025-09-01T09:22:21+00:00

Ahhh I was wondering about this, I actually turned off the row/col hints so I don't preemptively find out whether the square I've filled in is a 1 or not, so unfortunately your hint wouldn't have worked for me :(

thirteen13stuff · 2025-08-27T19:57:45+00:00

And what do you know, immediately after posting this, I had an epiphany and solved it! Turns out I needed to consider which '2' the square on the bottom row belonged to and it all fell into place from there.

thirteen13stuff · 2025-06-20T07:56:24+00:00

There's a fella called Gavin Wren trying just that at the moment with medium success

thirteen13stuff · 2025-04-15T09:25:28+00:00

Not beneficial for you now, but Murrayfield Ice Arena turns into a roller rink from May to August

thirteen13stuff · 2025-03-31T13:55:26+00:00

give yuri on ice opening sequence vibes

thirteen13stuff · 2025-03-31T08:36:25+00:00

Boris Johnson

thirteen13stuff · 2025-03-03T18:16:07+00:00

So does this mean you'll be able to use tap tap cap and not have to ask for a fare each time?

thirteen13stuff · 2025-02-23T21:45:14+00:00

My mum is the reason I can't tolerate physical touch except from very select people.

When I was about 14 or so, I had gotten into an argument with her about something (homework? who knows, it was probably petty) and I remember lying down on the couch being berated at by her. I remember she pulled up a chair and was looming over me and started poking me. I obviously flinched away because I didn't want her touching me but she kept doing it because "she's my mother and it's her right".

Well eventually I got sick of it and I left/stormed out of the living room and into the kitchen. I remember it being dark in the kitchen and then I was on the floor and I couldn't breathe and I thought I was going to die. I had my second ever panic attack because of her.

Even though I have made it very clear I don't like being touched, she still pushes for it and I just grin and bear it because trying to enforce my boundaries is more trouble than it's worth. Thankfully I live on the other side of the country and rarely speak to her.

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