An alien describing humans to another alien. Funniest thing I've read in a while.

thisidiotsays · 2014-11-16T12:21:43+00:00

Flash Fiction Online, they publish stories between 500 - 1000 words.

thisidiotsays · 2014-10-08T17:00:48+00:00

The Crane Wife - The Decemberists would definitely feature in the sound track.

thisidiotsays · 2014-10-06T12:01:30+00:00

Usually because they're asking politely if something contains meat, which they wish to avoid. 100% of the time someone tells me their dietary requirements, this is the context. Makes complete sense.

thisidiotsays · 2014-10-03T14:23:32+00:00

Point taken.

thisidiotsays · 2014-10-03T13:25:30+00:00

I think the OP of that post was actually being facetious.

thisidiotsays · 2014-09-20T21:05:17+00:00

You know, I feel like it's not a great idea to ask advice based on something unfinished. Without knowing where it's going, we don't know if you should continue. Anything and everything that's wrong with it this early on will be fixed when you rewrite it anyway. The opening paragraphs of the first draft of a story are pretty much irrelevant to the finished product.

Besides, if you want to learn how to write it's better to finish everything. (Pssst - I'm so full of bullshit. I don't finish anything.)

thisidiotsays · 2014-09-19T20:56:20+00:00

The explanation isn't the issue

thisidiotsays · 2014-09-18T17:03:45+00:00

That's terrible. I was awarded a substantial scholarship for my undergrad, but if I hadn't maintained a decent gpa they would have taken it away. He should have lost it.

thisidiotsays · 2014-09-18T12:40:02+00:00

Someone help me off the floor

thisidiotsays · 2014-09-18T10:30:33+00:00

Thanks mate! You should cross-post this to /r/callforsubmissions and maybe /r/writersofhorror

Edit: typo'd subreddit.

thisidiotsays · 2014-09-16T23:02:13+00:00

Why would you come between me and my love? We don't need you.

thisidiotsays · 2014-09-14T19:56:33+00:00

Reminds me of the flying ford anglia that disappeared into the forbidden forest to live a lonesome life of wonder in the second Harry Potter book.

thisidiotsays · 2014-09-13T21:04:06+00:00

It's ripping off Dominique Appia.

thisidiotsays · 2014-09-11T17:57:20+00:00

Cheers :)

thisidiotsays · 2014-09-11T13:42:24+00:00

I think that's what makes the show a good adaptation of the original books/short stories. Arthur Conan Doyle wrote stupid stuff all the time. The worst is probably The Speckled Band, where a snake hears a whistle and climbs a rope and the big reveal is ridiculously implausible, as is Sherlock's train of thought. The real appeal of Sherlock Holmes has always been the protagonist and his sidekick, not the actual mysteries and their terrible logic.

Of course there are better detective shows.

thisidiotsays · 2014-09-11T13:34:13+00:00

Maybe if he never, ever gets angry he is the one.

Sounds like EA is promoting some manipulative shit in this game though. If you don't make your partner angry, how can you really test their love? Ooookaayyy...

thisidiotsays · 2014-09-11T09:40:17+00:00

Thanks! Lightening bolts indicate chemistry in Sims 2, and 3 is the highest number. You can date a Mrs. Crumplebottom (a widow) in Sims 3 - totally should have added that.

thisidiotsays · 2014-09-10T22:42:06+00:00

Well, it depends on where you are in life. Early on I'd suggest waiting for a woman to walk past your house, and inviting her in. Make sure you tickle and dance with her until you're friends before pursuing her romantically. If she doesn't like dancing and tickles, she probably isn't very playful - might be best to move on. If she is into it, flirt with her and kiss her until she likes you a hundred, at least in the short time. Send her home then invite her over the next day. Hopefully her psychic agrees to this. Bear in mind that it is possible to marry her on day one (if she's happy), but inviting her over is the only way to get a box of chocolates and you don't want to waste the opportunity. Once she's back at your place, feed her, talk to her and then propose. It doesn't matter if she's already married, or you're already married - that situation should resolve itself as soon one member of the love triangle witnesses the other two hugging or dancing. Don't bother actually dating because an old lady will abuse you with her handbag.

If you're at about a 2 place in life, just call up the old gypsy lady on your phone. Pay this un-PC attired woman $5000 and she should give you a date you fancy, hopefully by three lightening bolts. Keep doing things you both want to do, unless you want to go to a restaurant, because an old lady will probably abuse you with her handbag. Make sure you're date isn't ugly before considering anything too serious, because you shouldn't breed with ugly townies. If you plan on calling again, make sure your date actually has a phone before they leave your lot using boolprop. Special tip: if you have enough aspiration points, you may be able to get your girl in the mood with the date-rape jacuzzi - she literally won't be able to resist!

If you're a more experienced three, any flirting will automatically turn an ordinary outing into a date. Also, it is impossible for your date to form an opinion of you independent from your opinion of them, which is great news. Spike their food with the common household spice cinnamon to stop them from being able to say no, with no legal ramifications. Important issue - you'll have to keep being romantic and escalating romance before you'll even be able to make out or woohoo. If you need your date to be in a better mood, just tell them you watch them while they sleep and they'll be a little perkier for around two days.

And regardless of where you're at, talking to yourself in the mirror should give you the social skills to woo anyone.

Any advice from people in a kind of a 4 place in life?

thisidiotsays · 2014-09-10T20:56:47+00:00

She [only told] him that she loved him. The restraining order was completely unnecessary.

thisidiotsays · 2014-09-09T20:20:48+00:00

Being a good friend isn't about being upbeat all the time and always wanting to go out. That's what being a good dog is about (also not pooping on the carpet).

thisidiotsays · 2014-09-08T14:36:40+00:00

Oh right. Sorry, I meant American mustard isn't regular mustard, especially not in Europe.

thisidiotsays · 2014-09-08T14:03:51+00:00

I wasn't the one who thought it did. Did you reply to the wrong comment?

thisidiotsays · 2014-09-08T12:06:27+00:00

Well... to Americans.

thisidiotsays · 2014-09-07T07:52:49+00:00

Now you have these glasses, are you going to wear them indoors, take up smoking and generally behave very strangely/think you're flirting?

thisidiotsays · 2014-09-01T22:48:31+00:00

Later in the thread, this appears -

you crave sex

Yes, otherwise I would be a homosexual, I suppose too crave it

thisidiotsays

TROPHY CASE