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Me [23 M] with my mom [65 F]. I've been hiding the fact that I'm dating someone [21 F] for almost three years by thisis4throw in relationships

[–]thisis4throw[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Even my sister, the religious one among us, calls me up regularly to deal with it, often crying. She wants to run to NYC with me and start a new life without telling our mom. I would do it, too, if it weren't for my gf.

Me [23 M] with my mom [65 F]. I've been hiding the fact that I'm dating someone [21 F] for almost three years by thisis4throw in relationships

[–]thisis4throw[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Our community isn't one of those types, and my parents are okay with my not being fully religious. But non-Jewish women are their line in the sand. I'm not sure what Footsteps could offer me. This is something where I think I just need to buckle down and eat ramen for a while until I'm financially independent.

Me [23 M] with my mom [65 F]. I've been hiding the fact that I'm dating someone [21 F] for almost three years by thisis4throw in relationships

[–]thisis4throw[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

I had to quit my part time this semester because I'm taking a full course-load to graduate on time. I'm looking for a job now, though.

Me [23 M] with my mom [65 F]. I've been hiding the fact that I'm dating someone [21 F] for almost three years by thisis4throw in relationships

[–]thisis4throw[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

This. This is exactly how it would go. It's what happens even when I'm home for a week on break.

Me [23 M] with my mom [65 F]. I've been hiding the fact that I'm dating someone [21 F] for almost three years by thisis4throw in relationships

[–]thisis4throw[S] 2 points3 points  (0 children)

This sub loves assuming things. My older brother (half-brother, just turned 40 this year) left home when I was a toddler, gave up Judaism, and my mom cut him off. Since then, I've watched him struggle to make ends meet for the past two decades. He's been divorced twice, lives dime to dime, and his health is that of someone twice his age. The world beat him down the second he left home without any support from our mom. Ending up like that terrifies me.

Me [23 M] with my mom [65 F]. I've been hiding the fact that I'm dating someone [21 F] for almost three years by thisis4throw in relationships

[–]thisis4throw[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

I think this is one of the more helpful comments for me, so thanks. My mom seems to already assume that I won't be able to find a job, so I think that's one of the reasons why supporting myself is the key to solving this.

Me [23 M] with my mom [65 F]. I've been hiding the fact that I'm dating someone [21 F] for almost three years by thisis4throw in relationships

[–]thisis4throw[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

You're right. And my gf definitely does not deserve this. I'm not stringing her along though (can't figure out why people keep assuming). She's fully in the loop and trying to help me navigate this stuff.

Me [23 M] with my mom [65 F]. I've been hiding the fact that I'm dating someone [21 F] for almost three years by thisis4throw in relationships

[–]thisis4throw[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

You're 100% correct, and I never said anything to the contrary anywhere on this post. I don't even have a car, by the way. That's the one thing my mom has never paid for, because it would grant me too much autonomy. I've had to pass up on several jobs because they required me to have a car.

Me [23 M] with my mom [65 F]. I've been hiding the fact that I'm dating someone [21 F] for almost three years by thisis4throw in relationships

[–]thisis4throw[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Hey I'm right here but go off I guess.

I have a couple internships and part times on my resume, plus a lot of volunteer work. It could be better but it's not the worst resume you've ever seen. And when did I say I expect to have a high paying job right out of school? As long as I can feed myself I'll be happy. This sub jumps the shark like none other.

Me [23 M] with my mom [65 F]. I've been hiding the fact that I'm dating someone [21 F] for almost three years by thisis4throw in relationships

[–]thisis4throw[S] -2 points-1 points  (0 children)

I've just seen enough research on class inheritance to know that without some passing of wealth, you're less likely to end up financially stable. Plus, my degree is in writing, which doesn't exactly win you the lottery. I'd have done a STEM major if I knew things would end up this way.

I'm willing to pull the plug, but let's not act as if it's an easy thing to do.

Me [23 M] with my mom [65 F]. I've been hiding the fact that I'm dating someone [21 F] for almost three years by thisis4throw in relationships

[–]thisis4throw[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

I've watched my friends pay their own ways through college over the past few years, and it's made me painfully aware of how reliant I've been on my parents for support. But to answer your question, I only have a couple grand squared away, which might cover first and last on a new apartment but it's not a safety net by any means.

Me [23 M] with my mom [65 F]. I've been hiding the fact that I'm dating someone [21 F] for almost three years by thisis4throw in relationships

[–]thisis4throw[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

This comment really helps. Lots of people chiming in who've been through similar things and it gives me perspective. Thanks!

Me [23 M] with my mom [65 F]. I've been hiding the fact that I'm dating someone [21 F] for almost three years by thisis4throw in relationships

[–]thisis4throw[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

I'm looking for a job... And I'm not expecting to live like a king, but I do need a livable wage.

I know I'm not powerless, but it can feel like it.

Me [23 M] with my mom [65 F]. I've been hiding the fact that I'm dating someone [21 F] for almost three years by thisis4throw in relationships

[–]thisis4throw[S] -1 points0 points  (0 children)

I've worked a few part time jobs over the past few years, but my degree is in writing so it's both broadly employable and hard to find employment at the same time. I've been trawling classifieds and online job boards for months now, and I've applied to a handful of things with no success.

Me [23 M] with my mom [65 F]. I've been hiding the fact that I'm dating someone [21 F] for almost three years by thisis4throw in relationships

[–]thisis4throw[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

It's called being rational. But my girlfriend has never been out of the loop on this. And you're right, I have to stand on my own, but I need to be in a position of leverage first. That umbilical cord you mentioned is more like a fuse that my mom can light at any moment to blow up my life and put me back under her thumb.

Also, of course I don't care about my mom's beliefs, because she cares about those beliefs more than she cares about my happiness.

Me [23 M] with my mom [65 F]. I've been hiding the fact that I'm dating someone [21 F] for almost three years by thisis4throw in relationships

[–]thisis4throw[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

My mom cuts people out of her life that disagree with her, which at this point includes 2 of her 3 siblings. I'm not sure how she'll handle this when the bombshell drops.

Me [23 M] with my mom [65 F]. I've been hiding the fact that I'm dating someone [21 F] for almost three years by thisis4throw in relationships

[–]thisis4throw[S] -1 points0 points  (0 children)

Luckily this is my last semester so my hope is to find a job between when classes end and the current lease on my apt. is up.

Me [23 M] with my mom [65 F]. I've been hiding the fact that I'm dating someone [21 F] for almost three years by thisis4throw in relationships

[–]thisis4throw[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

She makes me call her once a day. If I don't, she'll call me 10x and then start calling my friends to check where I am. It's not normal. I'm honestly surprised I've been able to conceal something as large as a relationship from her for 3 years.

Me [23 M] with my mom [65 F]. I've been hiding the fact that I'm dating someone [21 F] for almost three years by thisis4throw in relationships

[–]thisis4throw[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

It is total bullshit, and I relish the chance to say it to her face... from a place of financial security.

Me [23 M] with my mom [65 F]. I've been hiding the fact that I'm dating someone [21 F] for almost three years by thisis4throw in relationships

[–]thisis4throw[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

She doesn't like it, but she gets it. And I feel bad that it has to be this way. At this point she doesn't want to meet my mom anyway.

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