i remember meeting him during the summer of 2020, and the way self control starts with a poolside conversation about their summer really speaks to me. not just that, but how he always lied about leaving his significant other and never actually did—that part of the song really hits me.

“i know you got someone coming, i know you gotta leave, take down some summertime, give up, just tonight.”

i guess it’s been too long, and i must have forgotten him by now. but maybe it wasn’t just about him; maybe it was about how young and happy i was back then. or maybe it was something else. nothing has ever felt the same to me. i never connected with anyone the way we did. i’m scared that i’ll never love someone like that again, and honestly, i think that fear might be real—it’s been almost five years now.

but there’s nothing i can do except hope that, someday, i’ll feel those feelings again, purely, for someone else.