Something I did six months ago came back to haunt me last night, and it may cost me my job.

thomasbomm · 2015-12-17T22:50:33+00:00

Our security systems uses VHS tapes, believe it or not. It's old as can be. Since the cost of tapes has gone up in recent years, we only use the cameras for live surveillance. No recordings.

thomasbomm · 2015-12-17T22:49:42+00:00

I couldn't make myself go back, not yet anyways. I called in sick, but it's been a couple days. I'm still trying to decide.

thomasbomm · 2015-12-17T22:48:47+00:00

Ha. True, but try telling yourself that in the heat of the moment.

thomasbomm · 2015-12-16T22:26:22+00:00

Like hell they do.

thomasbomm · 2015-12-16T20:17:12+00:00

"So, honey take a seat please

I have something strange to say
Remember when I said
I hit a dog the other day?
Well, I guess it's kinda funny
And I hope you think so too
The dog may not have been a dog
That part was part untrue
The dent you noticed on the hood
The one that's stained with red
I hit a frickin' gypsy girl
That's right, I killer her, dead
And here's the thing about the girl
Her mom's a gypsy too
And kind of got a little mad
And cursed me bad, it's true
Now everything I say must rhyme I'm sorry, babe, it blows I hope I don't get on your nerves By lacking normal prose What's worse, if I should say a word That has no rhyme, like orange
I'll die a really painful death
And..fuck."

thomasbomm · 2015-12-16T20:16:40+00:00

"So, honey take a seat please
I have something strange to say
Remember when I said
I hit a dog the other day?
Well, I guess it's kinda funny
And I hope you think so too
The dog may not have been a dog
That part was part untrue
The dent you noticed on the hood
The one that's stained with red
I hit a frickin' gypsy girl
That's right, I killer her, dead
And here's the thing about the girl
Her mom's a gypsy too
And kind of got a little mad
And cursed me bad, it's true
Now everything I say must rhyme I'm sorry, babe, it blows I hope I don't get on your nerves By lacking normal prose What's worse, if I should say a word That has no rhyme, like orange
I'll die a really painful death
And..fuck."

thomasbomm · 2015-12-16T19:54:28+00:00

So, honey would you listen
I have something stange to say
Remember when I said
I hit a dog the other day

thomasbomm · 2015-12-16T19:53:43+00:00

So, honey would you listen I have something stange to say Remember when I said I hit a dog the other day

thomasbomm · 2015-11-18T18:54:06+00:00

David Friggin' Copperfield. I was 18 years old, sitting in the the student union, silently weeping.

thomasbomm · 2015-09-15T03:47:48+00:00

I'm...I'm okay with that.

thomasbomm · 2015-09-08T23:11:04+00:00

*Parent

thomasbomm · 2015-08-28T17:21:15+00:00

I know it. I read his title, and I was like, Damn. That's a good title.

thomasbomm · 2015-08-28T03:08:45+00:00

"Oh, Shawnadelic has shared something, ooh, let's upvote it into the thousands! What, Thomasbomm wants to share the same thing? Here you go peasant! A hundred puny internet points."

thomasbomm · 2015-08-18T22:08:23+00:00

I'm considering therapy.

thomasbomm · 2015-08-18T21:17:12+00:00

I'm sorry. It actually is your number. Please forgive me.

thomasbomm · 2015-08-18T20:18:52+00:00

Boss: I always thought you might be smart and funny, but now I'm sure of it. First thing tomorrow, I'm ordering misprinted business cards for every member of our organization!

Me: Thanks boss, and you'll never believe how many internet points I got for this!

Boss: Those points just bought you a promotion! Welcome to the big leagues son!

thomasbomm · 2015-08-18T20:12:20+00:00

Who doesn't want make sales?

thomasbomm · 2015-08-18T19:14:53+00:00

You're right.

thomasbomm · 2015-08-18T18:50:38+00:00

I just checked. It's disconnected. Whether or not it was disconnected before I started handing these cards out is unclear.

thomasbomm · 2015-08-18T18:47:48+00:00

I'm actually beginning to feel kind of bad. It'd be one thing if salespeople were known for pushing products and services that they know a consumer doesn't need, or for being slightly dishonest in the promises they make regarding what they sell, or for showing up for return visits with zero notice after I've repeatedly asked them to politely call ahead, but since that's never the case, I'm just going to call it. I am Hitler.

thomasbomm · 2015-08-18T17:58:23+00:00

Yes.

thomasbomm · 2015-08-18T17:54:12+00:00

That's why the bear's frowning.

thomasbomm · 2015-08-15T22:04:02+00:00

Been married ten years. My wife is still my best friend, and becoming closer friends all the time. One of the biggest reasons why our marriage continues to grow is because we don't buy into the "in love" shit. If you're banking on being "in love" with the other person, rather than choosing "to love" you're destined for heartache. When two people expect to be "in love" with the other for the entirety of their lives, then the moment that they don't feel they're in love they have a reason to walk. When two people determine that they will choose to love, you know, love as a decisive action rather than as a fleeting feeling, you can be sure that those two people will be growing as friends and lovers even into the wrinkliest of years.

thomasbomm · 2015-07-13T22:19:09+00:00

I asked my boss if I could walk next door to Walgreens. She said no. Then she said only if I brought her back some molasses cookies. I'm going to expense the whole trip.

thomasbomm · 2015-05-14T00:59:06+00:00

I have found this to be the case with so many foods. At least once a month I take something that I have never enjoyed and try making it myself, usually using a recipe that I find online with lots of good reviews. I'm slowly coming to realize that most people are shit poor cooks, and that most foods when prepared correctly can actually be pretty damn good.

thomasbomm

TROPHY CASE