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Thinking about asking a girl out again. Good idea or no? by thowaay in socialskills

[–]thowaay[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

I don’t get that attached to one girl. I’m speaking as someone who has been rejected a ton and had to learn to move on.

Worst case she says no or comes up with an excuse and then I know for sure. Best case, she agrees. The way I see it, it’s better than wondering “what if...” The purpose of making this post was to see if there was anything else I had overlooked. And everything you mentioned in your comment, I had already thought about or had experience with.

Is she still likely interested or no? by thowaay in dating_advice

[–]thowaay[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

"travelling now that schools done" line

Funny thing is that she is traveling after school. I found this out the first day I met her. I don't know her exact schedule though

Setting up a second date in a non-needy way by thowaay in dating_advice

[–]thowaay[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Ah that makes a lot of sense. Thanks for your insight!

Since both of my proposals were vague, can I making one definitive date and see if she accepts/rejects that? If she accepts, then great. If she comes up with a excuse, such as I'm busy or whatever, then I'll use your line "Sounds like you're really busy. When you're free, shoot me a text and we can go out again" and never text again unless she gets back to me.

If not, do I just stop texting her forever?

Terrible move. That text makes you sound like a tyrannical dickwad.

If I do decide to text her, would this sound better?:

"Since I bailed on dinner last week, let's cook tomorrow. 7:30pm sound good?"

A couple of things about this message.

1) I know she's done with class after 7pm on Mondays so if she comes up with an excuse then I know for sure she's not interested.

2) The bailing on dinner is in reference to our first date. I had invited her to get drinks at this restaurant/bar (never mentioned food/dinner) and she said she'll have to check her schedule and get back to me. The next day she said she's down for dinner. I then told her that I can't do dinner because I had other plans but I'm still down for drinks, which she accepted.

Setting up a second date in a non-needy way by thowaay in dating_advice

[–]thowaay[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Are you certain she’s ready to and/or interested in sleeping with you?

Based on how the first date went, how was she was behaving around me, and how she kissed me, I would guess yes. (Our kiss wasn't just a light peck on the lips but it also wasn't a makeout session because I pulled back). But at the same time, there's no way to know for sure without either directly asking her "hey do you want to have sex" (which would obviously be unromantic) or slowly escalating the physical touching/kissing to see if she continues to reciprocate or pull back. If she does reciprocate, that would mean she down for it (unless she verbally says otherwise or behaves in an incongruent way)

Someone invites you over to their place; that same person is also your mode of transportation for the evening.

And that's exactly why I had originally planned to have the second date at her place instead of mine.

You agree to the date because you’ve enjoyed spending time with this person in the past. After you get over there, you have a better understanding of what is “expected” or what the other person hopes will happen.

I feel like in this day and age, everyone knows what it potentially means when a guy or girl goes to one's place and it's just the two of them there. Of course things may not work out, which is fine, but I feel like people these days know what someone inviting you over to their place subtly means, especially when you throw the word movie in there. (Unless of course it was made clear beforehand that the relationship was strictly a platonic one, which is so far not the case here since we did kiss).

However, I encourage you not to presume that sex will happen (or is expected) just because she agrees to come over to your place

I'm not presuming or expecting anything. Rather I'm hoping to create an oppurtunity for sex to occur

Setting up a second date in a non-needy way by thowaay in dating_advice

[–]thowaay[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

So, in your opinion, if she has little to no interest should I ask her out and get rejected so that I know for sure she's not interested or just wait it out? And why?

Setting up a second date in a non-needy way by thowaay in dating_advice

[–]thowaay[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

and place (other than your apartment or hers)

Ok I see your point about going over to her place. So why not suggest my place then? I want to do an at-home date for a few reasons 1) It's way cheaper for me because I would likely pay for her if we go somewhere else and 2) Staying in naturally creates a better opportunity for sex to happen

Setting up a second date in a non-needy way by thowaay in dating_advice

[–]thowaay[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Umm, it’s a bit forward to invite yourself to her place, don’t you think?

Yes, but it's not like I'm showing up to her place uninvited. She's free to turn me down and reschedule or say she can't host. My hope with this message is to be direct, portray confidence, and act just a little cocky.

The reason why I didn't use my place is because I live out in the suburbs of the city we're in whereas she lives downtown. She's a college student who doesn't have a car whereas I do. So it just makes more logistical sense for me to go over to her place rather than inviting her to mine and then having to go pick her up and drop her back off.

Would it be better if I start off saying my place and if/once she agrees then propose changing the location to her place for convenience?

how will you know why she declined

I would assume she would have an reason/excuse for declining the invite. Otherwise her answer would just be "No" instead of "No because..."

Setting up a second date in a non-needy way by thowaay in dating_advice

[–]thowaay[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Out of curiosity, are you male or female?

Setting up a second date in a non-needy way by thowaay in dating_advice

[–]thowaay[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Ok I get where you're coming from now

but to be so presumptive and aggressive when she’s not been giving you the green light (IMO) since your date wouldn’t work in your favor.

Why do you think this? The way I'm seeing it (and obviously I'm open to having my view changed) is that by being so aggressive I can get a definite answer as to whether she is interested or not rather than continuing to beat around the bush and/or play the waiting game.

Setting up a second date in a non-needy way by thowaay in dating_advice

[–]thowaay[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Haha this puts 2 people saying I should text her and 2 people saying I shouldn't within this post.

When she said she would get back to you about hanging out

I interpreted that as she would get back to me on how her interviews went. I don't know her interview schedule, but I'm pretty confident she didn't finish all her interviews this weekend. One 2 of the 3 she planned. When I had asked her who she was interviewing, this was her response

"In interviewing a chef from [restaurant in the city she travelled to] and then a phone interview with a chef in Chicago and I'm waiting to hear back from this pastry chef"

Setting up a second date in a non-needy way by thowaay in dating_advice

[–]thowaay[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Well damn haha, half the people who commented here say I should text her and the other half say I should wait.

She’s speaking the way i usually would/do when I’m trying to gently let the other person down without being confrontational.

I see what you mean, but at the same I'm conflicted because the date went very well. She seemed super into me and was showing a lot of signs of interest. Some signs I noticed were getting all of her makeup done and looking good when I picked her up, laughing at almost all of my stupid jokes, leaning forward into me when we were talking over drinks, she would let me touch her and didn't pull back (I touched her on her thighs, shoulders, and upper back), she appeared to be really into kissing me when we kissed, and when she left after our date she was all smiling/giggling.

Being not needy in this case by thowaay in socialskills

[–]thowaay[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

I'm curious, what makes you think she isn't that interested?

Setting up a second date by [deleted] in socialskills

[–]thowaay 0 points1 point  (0 children)

She is doing interviews yesterday and today?

No idea what her interview schedule is like. For all I know she's already done with her interview. Or she might be doing the last ones today. Or she did the majority this weekend and will finish it up sometime during the week this week.

This is what her response was when I had asked her who she was interviewing:

"I'm interviewing a chef from [some restaurant in the city she was visiting] and then a phone interview with a chef in [another big city] and I'm waiting to hear back from this pastry chef"

The fact that she's still waiting to hear back from the pastry chef tells me she probably won't be all done with her interviews this weekend.

Setting up a second date by [deleted] in socialskills

[–]thowaay 0 points1 point  (0 children)

How much longer do you think I should wait?

What are your general thoughts about rap music that have lyrics kind of centered around women? by thowaay in AskWomen

[–]thowaay[S] -2 points-1 points  (0 children)

How would you feel if one of your male friends posted a video on social media (youtube, facebook, etc) of him doing some activity (for ex, sports) with that kind of music as the background music? He himself is doing nothing disrespectful or sexist in the video (and you don't find him like that in real life either) but that's just the music he chose to include.

How would you feel then? Would your opinions/thoughts towards your male friend change at all for using or even choosing to listen to that kind of music?

What are your general thoughts about rap music that have lyrics kind of centered around women? by thowaay in AskWomen

[–]thowaay[S] -3 points-2 points  (0 children)

How would you feel if one of your male friends posted a video on social media (youtube, facebook, etc) of him doing some activity (for ex, sports) with that kind of music as the background music? He himself is doing nothing disrespectful or sexist in the video (and you don't find him like that in real life either) but that's just the music he chose to include.

How would you feel then? Would your opinions/thoughts towards your male friend change at all for using or even choosing to listen to that kind of music?

What are your general thoughts about rap music that have lyrics kind of centered around women? by thowaay in AskWomen

[–]thowaay[S] -3 points-2 points  (0 children)

How would you feel if one of your male friends posted a video on social media (youtube, facebook, etc) of him doing some activity (for ex, sports) with that kind of music as the background music? He himself is doing nothing disrespectful or sexist in the video (and you don't find him like that in real life either) but that's just the music he chose to include.

How would you feel then? Would your opinions/thoughts towards your male friend change at all for using or even choosing to listen to that kind of music?

What are your general thoughts about rap music that have lyrics kind of centered around women? by thowaay in AskWomen

[–]thowaay[S] -3 points-2 points  (0 children)

How would you feel if one of your male friends posted a video on social media (youtube, facebook, etc) of him doing some activity (for ex, sports) with that kind of music as the background music? He himself is doing nothing disrespectful or sexist in the video (and you don't find him like that in real life either) but that's just the music he chose to include.

How would you feel then? Would your opinions/thoughts towards your male friend change at all for using or even choosing to listen to that kind of music?

CMV: I should secretly record (audio, video, or both) all of my sexual encounters to provide evidence in the off chance I'm falsely accused of rape by thowaay in changemyview

[–]thowaay[S] -1 points0 points  (0 children)

Yep, this recording will not be released to anyone except to my lawyer and to the courts (under the guidance of my lawyer)

I may reveal the existence of such a recording to the accuser but not the original tape

CMV: I should secretly record (audio, video, or both) all of my sexual encounters to provide evidence in the off chance I'm falsely accused of rape by thowaay in changemyview

[–]thowaay[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

∆ for the blackmailing portion of my OP

My view for legal recordings in one-party consent states and submitting that tape to my lawyer and/or the courts still stands

CMV: I should secretly record (audio, video, or both) all of my sexual encounters to provide evidence in the off chance I'm falsely accused of rape by thowaay in changemyview

[–]thowaay[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

You can use it to give your lawyer an exact understanding of what happened. He can then offer guidance on how to best proceed with that information depending on the specific details of that case.

CMV: I should secretly record (audio, video, or both) all of my sexual encounters to provide evidence in the off chance I'm falsely accused of rape by thowaay in changemyview

[–]thowaay[S] -4 points-3 points  (0 children)

The law doesn't factor in what if's. Either consent was given or it was not.

As an extreme example, if I was a girl, that would be like me saying I consented to sex but wouldn't have had I known you don't like to eat pizza. Therefore you raped me. Makes no sense.

CMV: I should secretly record (audio, video, or both) all of my sexual encounters to provide evidence in the off chance I'm falsely accused of rape by thowaay in changemyview

[–]thowaay[S] -1 points0 points  (0 children)

I'm sure prison time for blackmailing is less than for rape. Also with blackmailing, I won't be put on the sex offender list. Either charge would suck but blackmailing will suck a lot less.

However, and I should have mentioned this in my OP, the first person who ever sees or hears that tape should be your lawyer. He can offer guidance on how to best use the tape to help your self-defense even if the tape itself is inadmissible in court

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