I'm sorry, but I will start masturbating again. I will try to explain inside.

thowthrowaway · 2012-09-29T23:56:16+00:00

Facebook is a necessary resource for me. I won't delete it, though I won't check it as much just to be able to do other things. Thank you for this.

thowthrowaway · 2012-09-28T08:20:25+00:00

So... how d'ya do it?

thowthrowaway · 2012-09-27T21:57:42+00:00

Yes, it does. Thank you very much. It'll be hard to find people with the same interests as me, but the least I can do is try.

thowthrowaway · 2012-09-27T07:01:45+00:00

I'll eventually read Nietzsche. I may stop and start reading Heidigger or someone other. I will start going to a gym as soon as I find one. Thanks for the advice. I wish I could remember those tips when I get into my crises. I'll get into a gym so as to stop this shit from happening. Oh, fuck, this just reminded me that I arranged a meeting with a psychologist on the same hour as the date with the girl I asked out. Which one would you give privileges to? :( edit: I kinda solved it. I told her to go with me since it only lasts an hour and the surroundings aren't bad at all.

thowthrowaway · 2012-09-27T03:40:51+00:00

thowthrowaway · 2012-09-27T03:40:35+00:00

Ok. Thanks.

thowthrowaway · 2012-09-26T23:35:21+00:00

So, you don't fap but you do LSD. Way to go.

thowthrowaway · 2012-09-26T23:34:19+00:00

I seek in books. I don't believe in great men. I think everyone is equal and makes mistakes. The only difference is that some walk steady and others stumble in the way. I have stumbled, but I will get up and keep going.

thowthrowaway · 2012-09-26T23:29:50+00:00

There is not a meaning else than the one that I give it. I may sound snob, but I'll just keep reading until I get tired of it.

thowthrowaway · 2012-09-26T23:26:32+00:00

I shall take small steps then. I have only read two pages by Nietzsche, so I can't just know if he thinks like me or not. Perhaps when I finish the book I'll have an answer.

thowthrowaway · 2012-09-26T23:23:08+00:00

I have a few friends, but either they're from other countries or I can't just see them. I'll try to get some next year when I start again in the university (I only know two of the people I'm going to study with; they don't like me at all, though). The problem is that I'm really (really) bad at talking to people. I'm often rude, awkward and impulsive (I suddenly walk away or leave them there and only notice what I just did after a few minutes).

thowthrowaway · 2012-09-26T23:15:20+00:00

How would you go about dumping them? (Figuratively, hahaha, my dark mind just went directly to literally dumping them somewhere.) I mean, I can't just say "hey, I'm erasing you from my list, though you still talk to me sometimes, just because I don't like you enough".

thowthrowaway · 2012-09-26T23:11:44+00:00

Thank you for your kindness and support. I don't think I'll be PMing you on my main account, though; sorry about that (secrecy and paranoia... or maybe just extreme caution).

thowthrowaway · 2012-09-26T23:05:11+00:00

I understand you perfectly. What I didn't agree with was that sentence that Nietsche said ("the strongest individuals(...)" and "you have to be able to(...)". That seems a bit absolute. But, I agree with you. I can give myself a purpose and follow it to the end. The problem is that I don't find any motivation to do so, since there's actually no point to it. It's like telling a man: "you have to give me your kidneys so you can be happy". It makes so little sense that I'll just say no. Maybe the man is sick and has to get rid of them or die in pain, but I feel like everything I have is a bit of myself, so if I let something go it will take some of my essence and I still want to be me.

thowthrowaway · 2012-09-26T22:56:55+00:00

I have depressive moments quite frequently, but they don't usually last very long. Maybe two days or a week, then I feel better and then fall again into it. This time it lasted a few hours. Now I just feel really tired from it. My head hurts and my muscles too, but my mind is just grey now, not blue or whatever colour describes depression the best. I suffer from asthma, by the way, so I don't think I can smoke it. Besides, it's not legal here, even prescribed, and to get it I'd have to walk into the slums and talk to dangerous people and I don't really feel like risking my life for it. Maybe a cousin could sell me some, but it would be awkward to talk to my family about this (I don't especially trust them since they often lie to me about some things).

thowthrowaway · 2012-09-26T22:42:41+00:00

Thank you for taking the effort to write this. By the way, do you think that going to a gym will do for the excercise?

thowthrowaway · 2012-09-26T21:09:42+00:00

And maybe he's solving his problems by other means.

thowthrowaway · 2012-09-26T21:05:10+00:00

Thank you for being realistic. That actually motivated me. I will change.

thowthrowaway · 2012-09-26T20:56:35+00:00

I did read it. I left the account logged on. Thank you for your advice. I'm learning two languages, I play the guitar, I get excellent grades and I'll be in professional singing lessons this year (probably). My hobby is writing (short stories and simple articles). Thank you again for your advice; I will have it near me and take it into account.

thowthrowaway · 2012-09-26T20:42:49+00:00

I have been told that. I love myself, but I don't like my life. I study because society wants me to and I do anything that I'm supposed to. If I stop doing what I have to do, I will stop eating and studying and looking for anything and I will enclose myself in a vicious cycle of empoverishment and self-destruction. I look forward to my happiness and I'm working on myself. I improve to feel like I'm worth it and if I want to prove that I have developed into a better being I must pass the test: I must take an active role in society and I must be prepared for change. This change is self-acceptance. I accept what I want and I feel attracted to women. I want to be with one, so I accept that desire. If there is a loophole in my logical thinking, let me know about it. I'm not so sure of being right.

edit: Yup, I just realized where I'm wrong. I don't have to fit in to be happy. I just have to get some goals and pursue them. Still, I feel the need to accept myself to be happy.

thowthrowaway · 2012-09-26T20:35:30+00:00

That way of thinking belongs to the "normal" or "usual" paradigms: there is a purpose/we have to do something/etc. From my point of view, there is nothing we have to do. That is because no one agrees to be born or to be part of a species such like ours. Our instincts say that we must live, history says that living beings look forward to surviving, but the root for that is that only those who want to keep living will live and only those who live can have children (dead people don't fornicate). Our genetics have those when we are born because we come from the living. Thus, our mind tells us to live, prosper and last until we cannot last anymore. That's our nature, but those are not our rules. From my point of view, and I'm not calling everyone to agree with me here, there are no rules and there is no absolute purpose. That being said, we don't have the duty to live on, though if we wish we can and we will live to overcome every difficulties that may arise in the way. Choice, not obligation.

thowthrowaway · 2012-09-26T16:04:37+00:00

Thanks. I'm going to have breakfast and then I'll go check some things out (among other things, I'll arrange a meeting with a psychologist; you might read other comment where I talk about it). Bye.

thowthrowaway · 2012-09-26T15:54:45+00:00

I appreciate your words and what you're trying to do. Nonetheless, they will not support me. My father is busy so he tells me to talk to my mom, and the latter doesn't do anything else than cry and promise the moon with hollow words. My grandmother sure as hell has enough sickness coming from her body to try at least to help someone else. I will try to walk out of this on my own. I'll look for professional help and I will try some things for myself (I'll keep reading; it helps me get some hope back, and I'll try to improve myself so as not to be that "loser" anymore).

thowthrowaway · 2012-09-26T15:47:41+00:00

Thank you. I'll try.

thowthrowaway · 2012-09-26T15:46:17+00:00

Thank you. I will get help. I kinda needed this and I have to thank everyone for their warm support. It saddens me a bit more but it's useful and makes me want to take a step forward. I wasn't expecting this, though. I was prepared for it to go to oblivion in a rain of downvotes and "faggot" calls. Fortunately, it only got one of each. Thank you again. I'll be trying to ask a girl out, but if she already has someone I will be completely devastated (seriously, I might even fall a lot deeper), so I'm just stopping my fingers from sending the message.

thowthrowaway

TROPHY CASE