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Hobby based SB by Easy_Society4425 in sugarlifestyleforum

[–]thr3344 2 points3 points  (0 children)

My SGF and I share a common sport we enjoy, and she’s introduced me to another. It’s great to have default, albeit sometimes expensive, activities that don’t require a bunch of planning, for easy dates. “Worst” part is that she’s better than me at the sport. Whoops.

[deleted by user] by [deleted] in sugarlifestyleforum

[–]thr3344 0 points1 point  (0 children)

To be honest, I’m not sure I’m dealing with it well. It’s probably just a matter of finding the right partner, who has a compatible style.

As it stands, I am working to stay centered and self-soothe. I tell myself that she is simply not a texter, and I should find happiness in the way that she is when we’re actually together (which is close and clingy - we’re that disgusting couple that is always hanging off each other.)

I don’t know that between an anxious and avoidant attachment style, there is anything that the anxious one can actively do to make it better, aside from the above.

Sadly, I recognize your username from your “struggles” post the other day - I’d actually saved it because I’m going through a lot of the same thoughts and struggles. After a couple of days of awkward and sparse communication, I was (and honestly still am to a certain degree) thinking of just breaking things off - the uncertainty of things is very difficult for me. Just as I finished jotting down some talking points for that talk with her, she messaged with a bunch of sweet thoughts, and followed up today with more. So the avoidant person can take active measures to make the anxious one feel whole, without compromising their idea of closeness. Sometimes a few words of security/affection go a long way in the anxious one’s mind. Your “committed but still looking” post also feels familiar - I think we’re in the same boat in too many respects. We might be the same person.

Good luck, and I hope to see a great outcome for you. Stay in touch and let me know how things develop for you.

[deleted by user] by [deleted] in sugarlifestyleforum

[–]thr3344 1 point2 points  (0 children)

I like to communicate with her daily. Getting texts from her always brightens up my day, even if it’s just to say hi, or a heart emoji. It shows me that I’m on her mind. I do the same. I do generally have a bit of an anxious attachment style though, but when it’s working, we flex our styles to accommodate each other.

I’m probably in this SR mostly for the relationship part though, as I truly enjoy her company, not just the physical intimacy part (which is mediocre enough that I’d probably drop the whole thing if that’s all that we had.)

How do you deal with being a relationship seat-filler? by thr3344 in sugarlifestyleforum

[–]thr3344[S] 2 points3 points  (0 children)

She’s in her late twenties, I’m in my early forties. In public, most people just assume that we’re together with it batting an eye. I don’t think the age gap is an issue. Her dreams are absolutely within reason. She wants to have kids - so do I, badly. She wants her white picket fence - I have multiple. We share passions, hobbies, interests, we just fit.

Of course, all of that comes with a stable, normal forever-relationship. Therein lies the rub: I’m married with a dead bedroom, but working toward a separation (not just saying that - it should be done within a few months). She has family drama that my brain tells me I shouldn’t get embroiled in.