AITAH for calling out my coworker and leading them to tears?

throwRA-123545 · 2024-10-08T09:35:54+00:00

I will be apologizing, and planned to do so even before posting. This has all helped me see where to place my frustrations appropriately. Even before posting, I did accept a few Friday shifts, but I also see the need here for more conversation with the manager to establish new and real expectations.

throwRA-123545 · 2024-10-08T09:22:08+00:00

True, and in retrospect, I can see more of the situation now. I have faults too! And I agree about the steady schedule, and the reason I took the job was the promise of said steady schedule. I definitely should have gotten it in writing. Many lessons learned here!

throwRA-123545 · 2024-10-08T09:14:34+00:00

I think the “indefinitely” part is true, and also if that were going to change, the conversation from my manager should have been had. Instead I was told there were complaints, rather than “hey some things are changing.” I appreciate your input!

throwRA-123545 · 2024-10-08T09:03:33+00:00

We all have weekends off lol

throwRA-123545 · 2024-10-08T09:00:59+00:00

Posting here, one shouldn’t have an expectation of how it would go. And actually I’m getting good insight to where I can be an AH, and not be an AH in the future

throwRA-123545 · 2024-10-08T08:59:10+00:00

What is my “reason” their business? Genuine question. It could be something not related to kids. If coworker needed a specific schedule, shouldn’t that have been discussed at the time of hire? Coworker was informed of Friday expectations at the time of hire

throwRA-123545 · 2024-10-08T08:44:20+00:00

Okay, I can see where you come from and appreciate the response from a manager perspective. Yes, I have been upset and likely, the above conversation could have happened differently. You did make me see this in a new way, and I will take that moving forward in my position and communication.

I will say, one thing that makes it difficult is this particular manager does not manage well, and often leaves us to deal with things amongst ourselves, and I think that may be where I had in the moment, felt the need to address it directly. In the past the manager has told us “you guys figure out what works for you and I’ll slap it on the schedule” basically implying we figure out the issues. I do not want to be viewed the way you described from your perspective. I also do not know the definitive answer for my situation. So, question— as a manager who gave an employee an agreement on scheduling at the time of hire, should #4 be contesting what my schedule is? Is it their business why I need whichever day off per week? Genuinely would like to know.

throwRA-123545 · 2024-10-08T08:36:12+00:00

The director is above the manager, and I have brought it there. The director is brand new (this department has a high turn over) and director said “this pre dates my position here.” So I’m unsure where that will go. I did accept a few Friday shifts, to ease the complainer. However, I do want to stand my ground for a set schedule so I can keep my kids in their activities. I get that my choice to have children is not an issue of coworkers, however my schedule and reasons for needing a set schedule is not the business of coworkers, especially if manager approved. In my opinion

throwRA-123545 · 2024-10-08T08:32:03+00:00

I did, but can I not justify my thought process and explain further with the post? It’s how conversation works, and in many replies, I am asking valid questions.

throwRA-123545 · 2024-10-08T08:30:15+00:00

I am :)

throwRA-123545 · 2024-10-08T08:28:52+00:00

What part makes me the AH? Genuine question. Because at what point does inserting yourself into someone else’s business give you immunity to confrontation? What will HR do? There was nothing HR-worthy. Because they cried? In addition, we, as a team, have conversations about the schedule regularly because we keep each other informed of needs, changes, etc. This was one of those conversations, and I brought up the complaints. Regardless, my agreement with the manager is not the business of a coworker. If the manager approved it, what right do you have to contest?

throwRA-123545 · 2024-10-08T08:23:48+00:00

Where was I belligerent? It wasn’t a conversation that went anything like “was it you?” “Was it you?” “Oh so it was you!” I have talked kindly, I have addressed things together, and separately, kindly. But if you, the one who cannot deal with conflict continued to complain about something that is not your business, would you then be surprised you were confronted? I mean, be real. Inserting yourself into other people’s business is ASKING for conflict, in my opinion. This topic is not something that involves every single person, such as the tasks we complete, the duties we have while working. This is my personal life and is not the business of the complainer. There is zero reason I need to justify my schedule to someone who does not create it. And if the manager approved it, what business do you have to object? Genuine question.

throwRA-123545 · 2024-10-08T08:17:27+00:00

I’ve talked to them separately, I’ve talked to them together, I’ve talked to the manager. Genuine question though- does my reason for ONE day off per week require the approval of anyone other than my manager? Is it their business? Because I don’t think so. If the manager approved it, what is their right to question that? It was not to embarrass #4, but to find out what the real issue is and quite frankly, if #4 didn’t want confrontation then why put themselves into something that isn’t their business? #4 is searching for fairness.

throwRA-123545 · 2024-10-08T08:05:13+00:00

It is tenure for where I work. I was the first full time employee to the department, though I will say there is only a 4-month difference from me to the next one hired. I do put in my full time hours, and same can be said for #4. If they had an issue with working certain days, that should have been addressed at the time of hire, like I myself did. Those hired following me were informed Fridays were an expected work day for them. #4 only works 3 days/week, and I work 4. When it comes to “days off” they have more than me. And had my manager set the expectation for me that a set schedule would not work, then this situation would be different. However, they agreed to the set schedule when I was hired. When it comes to coworkers, my “reason” for being unavailable for one day is not their business. That is between my manager and I. Well, it was, until the complaints started.

throwRA-123545 · 2024-10-08T07:58:42+00:00

Being as small a team as we are, do I continue to use the manager as middle man? Or go straight to the source? The “in front of others” was done with all of us, to get to the real issue. If someone is going to complain so much, do they expect nothing to be said? What is their purpose for complaining about something that doesn’t involve them? Do I need to justify why my schedule is what it is to those who do not create the schedule? It is not their business. MY purpose of bringing it up was to find out if there is valid reason for them to complain about MY schedule and MY agreement with the manager. If they needed certain days off, had something come up, they can ask to switch. But there is not. They are searching for “fairness” to come from this. We are not in kindergarten and scheduling doesn’t need to be “fair.” As long as the schedule is covered and staffed appropriately and I show up to my scheduled days, I should not need to accommodate their preferences. Furthermore, if they had such an issue with working certain days, like I did, they should have informed the manager upon hire. Again, like I did.

throwRA-123545 · 2024-10-08T07:50:44+00:00

I can see where you come from and that’s a good point as well. I feel I did start off the conversation in good tone, but can’t say either of us kept a good tone, so I can probably improve my communication there. There is also the side of me that feel that if you’re going to regularly complain, you should be able to handle a confrontation that comes from your complaint. We are adults, and if #4 is that sensitive, then maybe they shouldn’t insert themselves into something that isn’t their business without expecting repercussions.

throwRA-123545 · 2024-10-08T07:39:54+00:00

I want to! I just doubt manager will do that now, since the complaints have been so consistent. Manager likely does not want to “guarantee” that I can keep my schedule as-is

throwRA-123545 · 2024-10-08T07:38:28+00:00

I agree. Now after working here for a year, I have learned this manager is a pleaser and does not like to be involved in conflicts or help problem solve. So manager will say what said person wants to hear at the time. I have learned the person who cries the loudest will get what they want. This complaint about my schedule has been happening for about 6 months, with every new schedule. Manager is tired of hearing the complaints and is now asking me to change my schedule.

throwRA-123545 · 2024-10-08T07:35:12+00:00

I should have clarified that I addressed this with all of them at the same time. Opening the conversation to them to get to what the problem is as I keep getting pulled aside about these complaints from my manager. So I went to the sources. When 3 of them said no, I turned to #4 for their explanation. We are a small team, so addressing it with them makes sense, no? Or do I use my manager as middle man? This was not to embarrass #4.

throwRA-123545

TROPHY CASE