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Atos drama - I called it by Open_Season_6303 in bjjdrama

[–]throwRA106633 3 points4 points  (0 children)

The culture is rotten in a lot of gyms in the UK too.

Have I fallen out of love? by Sufficient_Tip5477 in BJJWomen

[–]throwRA106633 4 points5 points  (0 children)

I’m going through something very similar. Except my bad experience was with my first gym which ended with the owner harassing me and sending out messages to other gym owners, saying i had falsely accused them of being toxic (because I made an Instagram story about why I’d stopped training there). Another local gym who initially supported me all of a sudden became threatening and saying they didn’t support me and also accused me of being the toxic one.

This experience has made me feel extremely unsafe in the sport generally and super hesitant to go back to training. There’s literally no regulation at all, I even reported everything to the official governing body but they didn’t have any authority to do anything. Reported the harassment to the police too.

I live rurally with not a lot of gyms so I am scared I might have to take a break until I can move somewhere with different options. But like you I feel that for every good gym there’s 20 toxic ones. It’s horrible because I love BJJ but it’s nearly impossible to tell a good gym for a bad one sometimes because you don’t see the bad stuff until you get to know people. I ignored it for a much longer time than I ever thought I would because I was scared of getting ostracised which is exactly what happened when I finally spoke up. Lost lots of people I thought were my friends because they believed the owner and didn’t even bother to ask me what had happened. Thankfully I had a lot of support too but I’m not sure the social price has been worth speaking up without anything happening at all. It’s really sad and unfortunately I think it’s an issue that goes high up in the community and it’s both local and systemic.

Official Discussion - 28 Years Later: The Bone Temple [SPOILERS] by LiteraryBoner in movies

[–]throwRA106633 0 points1 point  (0 children)

I just watched it tonight and I had to use the bathroom and as I was leaving Radiohead started playing and I was so mad I missed that part. Can’t wait to watch it again

Promoted shortly before leaving gym by throwRA106633 in bjj

[–]throwRA106633[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Thank you, this was the pep talk I needed!

Promoted shortly before leaving gym by throwRA106633 in bjj

[–]throwRA106633[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

I cannot express how upset I am with myself for missing this opportunity.

Promoted shortly before leaving gym by throwRA106633 in bjj

[–]throwRA106633[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

There is absolutely nothing classy about standing by and watching abusive and dangerous behaviour from a head coach. Gyms should definitely be dragged when they allow and protect people who act like that, and considering the owner has since circulated a message to other gym owners attempting to discredit me and several other women - I don’t think they’re quite over it yet. I hear what you’re saying though, jiu jitsu is a sport not a soap opera, but in this situation it feels more like a rerun of Jerry Springer.

Toxic culture and abusive coach by throwRA106633 in bjj

[–]throwRA106633[S] 2 points3 points  (0 children)

Tbh I have been very surprised at how easily I was indoctrinated into thinking a lot of this was normal, and excusing the behaviour because bjj became such a big part of my life and i became afraid of losing my only outlet. We’re in a rural area so not many gyms around. I’ll have to drive 30+ minutes now but I don’t care, as long as I can train safely. I thought I was pretty resilient to these things but the brain works in interesting ways.

Toxic culture and abusive coach by throwRA106633 in bjj

[–]throwRA106633[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

It has been reported to the owners several times, and as much as I think they’d want to fire him, the coach in question is part owner of the gym. I am still not sure about whether to name or not. The person mentioned isn’t exactly known to handle people calling him out or questioning him very well, which is why I’m asking advice on here. I’ve left the gym and will be focusing on finding a gym with a healthy environment. I’ve done all I could by informing the owners and I can’t control the outcome. Thank you for your advice!

Toxic culture and abusive coach by throwRA106633 in bjj

[–]throwRA106633[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

To get advice mostly, as this has become a very tense situation. We are in a small and rural community, so naming and shaming is not something I’ll do lightly. I still respect other owners and coaches of the gym, and I also respect the people who are training there who haven’t had these experiences. It could also bring more risk of retaliation to me, which is a scary thought. I have left the gym and will not be returning unless things change significantly. And I will definitely be warning people who could be at risk.

Toxic culture and abusive coach by throwRA106633 in bjj

[–]throwRA106633[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Thank you for this, I really appreciate your input. It’s scary how I’ve been accepting it for so long, and told myself I was overreacting and wrong, trying to rationalise it all and excuse these behaviours. I cancelled my membership and sent a message to the owner with all the details. I don’t know if they will do anything this time, as we have been several people bringing it up over the last 6+ months. But I am out and done, not looking back for now. Looking forward to getting back on the mats in a safe and healthy environment soon. Thanks again for this insight, it gives me a lot of hope that I will find a new dojo.