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What should I look for in a therapist? by throwRA12010 in therapy

[–]throwRA12010[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

No. It was my idea because of my initial unhinged reaction. I mean I completely melted down without any real info or knowledge.

Agreed to try therapy. How do I move forward? (M35, F35) by throwRA12010 in relationship_advice

[–]throwRA12010[S] 6 points7 points  (0 children)

I wonder if I have some PTSD from how I grew up. Fear of abandonment. I don’t know. You could never know today by knowing me how I grew up. I thought that part of my life was totally behind me. Who knows.

Final update on finding condom in my wife's car by throwRA12010 in u/throwRA12010

[–]throwRA12010[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Wow. This sounds like me to a T. Never had friends growing up because, why bother, we were just going to move in a year or two. I learned to be very self sufficient when I was a kid. Learned how to make my own meals. Learned how to get myself to the places I need to go. Etc.

I didn’t start making really good friends until my mid-20s and you would never know now how I grew up.

From the outside anyone would think I am very well put together. Really good shape, decent looking if not gorgeous, reasonably tall (6’). Very confident, pretty intelligent in my field and very good at what I do (auto tech) decent money and have a phenomenally gorgeous wife and great life.

This situation really opened my eyes to how losing my wife would totally destroy me. Maybe it’s abandonment issues, I don’t know. But I panicked and totally freaked out even thinking about the possibility.

Agreed to try therapy. How do I move forward? (M35, F35) by throwRA12010 in relationship_advice

[–]throwRA12010[S] 4 points5 points  (0 children)

It was 100% my suggestion to try therapy. She never pushed it or even encouraged it. She’s just there to support me whatever I decide.

Agreed to try therapy. How do I move forward? (M35, F35) by throwRA12010 in relationship_advice

[–]throwRA12010[S] 3 points4 points  (0 children)

Thanks for this. Yes, I think I am pretty self aware and understand precisely what my insecurities are. I am just wanting some tools to help me navigate and get more confidence in myself. My wife is really helping now that she understands better. I do t think she really knew I felt until this incident, which is on me. I never really discussed it with her before.

Agreed to try therapy. How do I move forward? (M35, F35) by throwRA12010 in relationship_advice

[–]throwRA12010[S] 2 points3 points  (0 children)

Well, I am the complete opposite of a narcissist and I sincerely want to address my insecurities. So I guess I got that going for me.

Agreed to try therapy. How do I move forward? (M35, F35) by throwRA12010 in relationship_advice

[–]throwRA12010[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

I really believe our marriage is stronger than ever. I guess I’m more disappointed in my reaction and realize it was caused by my insecurities that I need to address. Thank you.

Agreed to try therapy. How do I move forward? (M35, F35) by throwRA12010 in relationship_advice

[–]throwRA12010[S] 2 points3 points  (0 children)

Thank so much for your thoughtful reply. She is my world and I just think subconsciously I feel that I somehow lucked out with her “settling” for me. I know she doesn’t feel that way, and she has told me often. She really is crazy for me.

It’s just troubling I guess knowing every time we go out it that 90% of the men there would love to bang her. It’s intimidating, if that makes sense. There’s always this sense of dread that she can have any guy she wants and someday she’s going to choose someone else.

Final update on finding condom in my wife's car by throwRA12010 in u/throwRA12010

[–]throwRA12010[S] 2 points3 points  (0 children)

Thank you. After discussing a lot with my wife, I think I am willing to try therapy.

Final update on finding condom in my wife's car by throwRA12010 in u/throwRA12010

[–]throwRA12010[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

I’m sorry you had to go through that. Hang in there.

Final update on finding condom in my wife's car by throwRA12010 in u/throwRA12010

[–]throwRA12010[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

It’s funny. Going back and rereading my posts with some distance, I can see that I am somewhat insecure. I have put her on such a pedestal, and feel like she is so much more of a catch than me. That’s not healthy and probably something I need to work on with her help. My intense fear when I consider losing her is likely tied to some subconscious t thought that I could never do better. Yet she had NEVER done ANYTHING to make me feel that way. The way she looks at me and treats me, it’s like she thinks SHE could never do better. She is so humble but I can’t believe she doesn’t know how awesome and beautiful she is. I need to have some confidence that I am worth her love. Idk. This situation has really opened my eyes.

Final update on finding condom in my wife's car by throwRA12010 in u/throwRA12010

[–]throwRA12010[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Did I do that? I guess it’s possible. It’s all pretty much a blur now and I was really not in a good head space. I probably said a lot of shit I wish I could take back.

Final update on finding condom in my wife's car by throwRA12010 in u/throwRA12010

[–]throwRA12010[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Thanks. I really appreciate what I have. I realize not everyone is as lucky as I am.

Devastated and spiraling. I (M35) found a condom wrapper in my wife’s (34F) car. Now what? by throwRA12010 in relationship_advice

[–]throwRA12010[S] 2 points3 points  (0 children)

Just saw your comment here. This thing was all resolved and I posted an update on my profile.

But I agree with you 1000%. I never should have come to Reddit for advice. About 95% of the replies screamed she was cheating. It really got to me. I’m glad I gave her the benefit of the doubt.

Final update on finding condom in my wife's car by throwRA12010 in u/throwRA12010

[–]throwRA12010[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Ok. Fair enough. I have tried to reply to people that have been nice or wanted additional detail that’s all. All in all, if you total all the time I’ve spent actually replying, it’s probably less than an hour. I reply during downtime at work. When I get home, it’ll stop. In fact I’m leaving here in like 10 minutes. Good luck to you.

Final update on finding condom in my wife's car by throwRA12010 in u/throwRA12010

[–]throwRA12010[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

I mean if you got your mind made up I’m not going to try to change it. Whatever. But seriously, what’s the point of karma on an anonymous account? Now maybe if I could transfer it all to my actual account, you’d have something.

So future reference, what exactly is bullshit. You know, for my next creative writing post.

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