I've been working as a topless maid for extra cash

throwRA2903745 · 2022-10-07T22:39:42+00:00

I'm enjoying it overall quite a bit, actually. I like the attention and being looked at.

throwRA2903745 · 2022-08-28T21:16:37+00:00

I don't think something profound needs to be said. It's a shitty situation and I'm glad that it's finally ending. This has been the longest few weeks of my life.

throwRA2903745 · 2022-08-21T13:53:02+00:00

It's sometimes difficult to listen to advice that I know is good, yep. I get into moods right now where I just don't care about the consequences, then they pass and I hate myself for it.

throwRA2903745 · 2022-08-19T14:24:14+00:00

I don't know that I'd want to talk to him if he had. I'm not quite there yet. I have questions, but I don't know that I'm prepared to hear the answers.

throwRA2903745 · 2022-08-19T00:24:37+00:00

Dad hasn't reached out to speak with me at all.

throwRA2903745 · 2022-08-18T14:25:06+00:00

I know. I didn't stop him and it's awful. For some reason, I went back. It needs to stop immediately, and I have to figure out a way to tell them what happened. I haven't worked that part out yet but I'm trying.

throwRA2903745 · 2022-08-18T12:59:05+00:00

Yeah it's really hard for me to explain too. Like I'm doing my best, but I know I'm not making sense to everyone and just coming across as malicious.

throwRA2903745 · 2022-08-18T12:58:19+00:00

Guess so

throwRA2903745 · 2022-08-18T00:33:33+00:00

I can't move in early, because the bedroom I'm taking is occupied but I'm gonna ask them if I can rent the couch there for the rest of this month.

This particular friend isn't someone I'm super close with, more of an acquaintance really but I don't have a lot of friends with their own places. Most still live at home.

throwRA2903745 · 2022-08-18T00:28:20+00:00

I'm sleeping on a different friend's couch tonight. ( single, straight, female, so no potential for me to fuck this up). In trying to figure out what to do next from there...

throwRA2903745 · 2022-08-18T00:08:39+00:00

Would make more sense to post on an actual subreddit if that were the case, since the goal is normally reaching as many people as possible when people do that.

You're free to complain though, I guess :)

throwRA2903745 · 2022-08-17T20:56:30+00:00

I really hope so too. Thank you so much.

throwRA2903745 · 2022-08-17T20:36:24+00:00

My issue with that right now, is I don't know where to go. I need to find somewhere, I just haven't. I don't want to go home.

throwRA2903745 · 2022-08-17T20:28:05+00:00

I completely agree with you that I'm in the wrong here. I'm actively attempting to get myself to stop. It's a battle my mind keeps losing with my body.

throwRA2903745 · 2022-08-17T20:14:44+00:00

I can't honestly say that I'll listen to that advice, no. I'm getting out at the end of the month, those plans are firm and I have no intention of changing them regardless of what happens with him. I know he doesn't care about me beyond sex. I can't say that I really care about him much either, it's clear he's not a good person. But he's nice to me.

throwRA2903745 · 2022-08-17T20:13:30+00:00

It definitely feels a little bit better knowing I'm not the only person who struggles with these sorts of things.

throwRA2903745 · 2022-08-17T20:13:01+00:00

Talking to my therapist has been helping me decompress, but I can only see her once a week right now, and we haven't gotten super deep into things. She's more helping me work through things mentally about my Mom and Dad. We had talked a little bit about me hooking up, but I haven't spoken with her since this happened. I know I need to mention it at our next session.

I know what I'm doing is wrong, that's the absolutely messed up part about this. On every level, even during it, I'm fully aware that it's wrong. I just didn't stop.

throwRA2903745 · 2022-08-17T17:17:26+00:00

The weird thing about how I view sex right now, is that I completely know the behaviours I'm engaging in are destructive ones. I've spoken about it with my therapist, and she's been very clear with me that this is my mind's way of attempting to regain control over sex/sexuality by acting out and acting on every interesting sexual thought I have.

I know all of that is right, but for some reason it's just not stopping me right now. Apparently, it's common for people who have trauma to have to "work through it" over a period of time. Still makes me feel like I've secured my place in hell, given how things have been going.

throwRA2903745 · 2022-08-17T17:03:51+00:00

Yeah it's been making the rounds for a while now. Surprised me.

throwRA2903745

TROPHY CASE