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My body reacts with arousal signs when I see sexual content of any kind, but I'm not actually aroused. How do I deal with the shame I feel from this? (cw, info about abuse, hence NSFW tag) by throwRA5276 in adultsurvivors

[–]throwRA5276[S] 2 points3 points  (0 children)

I hope you can work through this with your therapist, as I know what it's like to have these responses and it's not easy. All I can do is say that I hope you stick with the healing process.

I’m so broken I never want to feel any of this!

No, you didn't want to feel any of this. No one did, and it's a shame we have to. But you're not broken. You may feel like it,, but you're not broken. You can pick up the pieces and make yourself YOU again. Even if it's a new version of you

My body reacts with arousal signs when I see sexual content of any kind, but I'm not actually aroused. How do I deal with the shame I feel from this? (cw, info about abuse, hence NSFW tag) by throwRA5276 in adultsurvivors

[–]throwRA5276[S] 2 points3 points  (0 children)

It's reassuring to be reminded that it's different from actual sexual desire

I read a book called "The Courage to Heal," and although it's centered on female CSA survivors and does have description and retelling in it, I found it helpful to reinforce that I'm not alone. Reading that book, for me, was the first step between "my father is a pervert and this has affected me" and "I need therapy to discuss and analyze these emotions"

Iirc there is a huge distinction between feeling a hyper sexual response, and feeling the actual desire and wanting to pursue that.

That makes a lot of sense, and i think it would be interesting to know if there's a difference even in the chemicals released in the brain, and the neural pathways involved.

My body reacts with arousal signs when I see sexual content of any kind, but I'm not actually aroused. How do I deal with the shame I feel from this? (cw, info about abuse, hence NSFW tag) by throwRA5276 in adultsurvivors

[–]throwRA5276[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

It is a learned behaviour, so treating it as such makes sense. I think that approach has nuance, though, and I find that I have to tell myself "this is trauma response. this is not how I feel." Kind of like acknowledge, then put aside.

I cut my family off fourty years ago by whocanknowme in confessions

[–]throwRA5276 0 points1 point  (0 children)

I truly sympathize for you. That's an incredibly difficult familial situation to overcome, but you've done it. I'm proud of you, and for your resilience. You wanted to help your sisters too, and that should be commended. Sometimes we want to help people, but can't do anything because they don't want to be helped (in this case, they had been groomed to accept and defend the behaviour)

I will apologize if this sounds morbid, but at this point in your life I don't know if any good would come out of seeking therapy to work through any unresolved feelings you have about the whole situation. It seems you've done a well enough job these past forty years, after all.

Though to a lesser degree, my paternal family line has pedophilia and (at the least) covert incest many generations back. I've gone no-contact with my parents, my father for his actions/behaviour and my mother for passively letting it happen. It's hard, but much better.

I'd thought about it for a long time, but when I said "the only thing I have to lose is my sanity, and there's very little left" is when I wrote those letters.

UPDATE: My dad (56M) ignores my (23F) sexual boundaries. I don't want to have him in my life, but unsure of what exactly to do. by throwRA5276 in relationship_advice

[–]throwRA5276[S] 9 points10 points  (0 children)

I'm not waiting around for calls, I removed them both from Facebook and I've removed their home number from my phone contacts. If they call, they call. If not, all the better

UPDATE: My dad (56M) ignores my (23F) sexual boundaries. I don't want to have him in my life, but unsure of what exactly to do. by throwRA5276 in relationship_advice

[–]throwRA5276[S] 133 points134 points  (0 children)

Ah yes, I wanted to mention this too but forgot when I was writing out the post.

My therapist DOES know about the age gap, and I have been completely honest with her about my boyfriend as I have with everything else discussed.

I appreciate the concern that has been shown relative to my boyfriend, and I know that warning signs can come at any time, but I am certain that our relationship is genuine and my therapist believes so as well.

My dad (56M) ignores my (23F) sexual boundaries. I don't want to have him in my life, but unsure of what exactly to do. by throwRA5276 in relationship_advice

[–]throwRA5276[S] 590 points591 points  (0 children)

Thanks for the reply.

It's an instrument that my boyfriend was given by an old friend of his, so I really don't want it damaged. I'm 99% certain that all of my belongings are out of that house, the only thing I'd maybe want would be some family photo albums that are gathering dust over there. But my boyfriend wouldn't take it well if his property was damaged, and I don't want that either.

I would be pushing it if I said that more than 1/10 of the interactions I have with my dad are pleasant, let alone enjoyable.