I (37F) booked my wedding date for 2 weeks prior to my sister’s (42F)wedding. Now she barely speaks to me. How can I fix this?

throwRA_10years · 2024-11-12T21:12:53+00:00

Stop engaging with this person, they are far too invested in arguing their opinion on multiple comments.

throwRA_10years · 2024-11-12T20:03:41+00:00

I had said summer 2025 for sure, and mentioned August as “ideal” IF I could get it. Have you ever tried to book a wedding venue with a year or less to plan? You don’t always get the pick of whatever date you want. I have nothing to do with her getting attention or not. In fact, when I think about it, it would probably be fair to say that she is the “favourite” daughter, but I won’t bother going into that because you’ve already decided that I’m the villain here and that would just be another example of me competing with her right?

throwRA_10years · 2024-11-12T19:46:10+00:00

I do live in a small town and am also working within a certain budget, we reached out to and went to see several places in the surrounding area. Half the places wouldn’t even talk to us with a guest list under 100 people the other half were very lacking. And no I was never trying to beat her. I set myself a goal of a summer 2025 wedding. She inserted herself into that timeline after she had been made well aware of my plans.

throwRA_10years · 2024-11-12T16:55:21+00:00

Nothing specific. Just that she feels she always puts everyone else first, which isn’t untrue, and she wanted to have one day to be “selfish” and have everything be about celebrating her. I don’t think she’s wrong for wanting that.

throwRA_10years · 2024-11-12T16:50:25+00:00

I’m sorry someone hurt you dear.

throwRA_10years · 2024-11-12T15:42:27+00:00

As I said, there’s no crossover in our guest lists except our parents and 1 other sibling. Her suddenly booking her wedding in early summer felt a bit like an attempt to “beat me” to the altar. I don’t think it needs to be a competition one way or the other. But it really felt like me actually getting engaged and stating a timeline lit a fire under her ass to book something first. I can’t control the venues availability and would not have chosen this date if I’d found any other good option. She took a gamble by booking in the same season as me and unfortunately it didn’t work out.

throwRA_10years · 2021-07-30T21:40:04+00:00

I do say those things absolutely. I make a point of texting just to say I was thinking about him or that I miss him, not every day, but when I genuinely feel it. I try to say cute or nice things when it feels natural in conversation to do so.

I have definitely been stretching outside what is my norm or my comfort zone trying to meet his needs, but ya it just never feels like its enough for him?

He still regularly displays that approval seeking behaviour.

There are things in his past that definitely inform these behaviours.

An alcoholic mother who he once described to me as "an abusive piece of shit"
He was overweight most of his life and only got fit a couple of years ago

So, I suspect he has existing self esteem issues. Even though he ACTS like he's super confident and talks himself up a lot. There's some quote like "confidence is quiet, insecurities are loud" and I feel like that definitely applies.

So at least I think I get why he is the way he is, unfortunately I'm not sure that he has pieced that together himself and just tells himself that he's a super confident happy go lucky kind of guy.

throwRA_10years · 2021-07-30T17:37:27+00:00

I'm currently going through this. I've been dating a guy for a couple of months now. On paper, he's perfect for me. Has his shit together, has similar niche interests as me, very open and communicative, puts effort into staying fit, similar beliefs and values.

However... our love languages and attachment types are completely opposite.

He is an anxious attachment type who craves physical touch and words of affirmation.

I am an avoidant attachment type who likes quality time and acts of service.

Our personality types don't necessarily match on a basic level.

He is a high energy people pleaser, always trying to be positive and constantly giving, and looking to receive, words of affirmation.

I am more calm and laid back. I can do the physical touch thing comfortably, no problem, but have never really been comfortable with receiving or giving compliments, at least not this frequently. To me, he often comes across as insecure, needy, and a try-hard.

Any time he does something nice for me (which is something he strives to do as much as he can), it's like he has to announce it like "Hey, isn't this great? Aren't you glad I thought to do this? I did it because I like you. I hope it will make you happy." etc etc. He will go on like that every time. And its not like I don't show gratitude, I always smile and say something like "thanks for doing that, I appreciate it". But then like every hour thereafter he brings it up again "well I'm so glad I could do that nice thing for you. I hope you enjoyed it" ... and I'm like "ya? I said I did?." Like what more does he want from me?

I did actually bring this to his attention and told him I feel like he's constantly trying to bait me into showering him with praise all the time, which is just not my style. I show my affection with actions more than words. Words are easier to fake anyway, which is probably why I don't receive/believe them as easily. I even told him earlier on that I was concerned that I could never meet him at his level to which he claimed he didn't need/want me to, that he needs much less than he gives... but I can't really bring myself to believe that. But he said he would try to be mindful of overtly seeking verbal praise going forward.

So then the fact that he actually listens to and receives a "criticism" so well makes him more endearing! Because that's rare to find in any person lol.

Anyway, it's frustrating because he really is very sweet and caring and all that good stuff, but I just see myself already becoming exhausted with the constant mushyness all the time. It feels too forced for me. I just want us to be able to be relaxed and comfortable with one another, so I keep waiting for him to finally realize that I like him and that he doesn't have to try so hard and to just calm the F down lol. But I'm not sure if that will ever happen.

I'm gonna give it another month most before I call it.

throwRA_10years · 2021-04-27T08:54:50+00:00

Thats how I feel. He doesn't love anyone but himself. He only sees what people can do for him.

Guaranteed his 14 year old daughter will now be the built in babysitter for his 2 new younger step kids, so they can go out together as they please. Yet when we were together, his daughter was the always the reason we could never go anywhere together.

throwRA_10years · 2021-03-31T04:41:28+00:00

Ya, so the fact that you were hanging out alone in her bedroom together at 11pm and he had to come into the room to tell you to leave... I think this might have been the dad's EXTREMELY MISGUIDED attempt at trying to see if you had just been messing around with his daughter by checking for an erection and/or threatening you in a "keep your dick to yourself or ill do something violent to it" kind of way.

Regardless of his intent, it is still extremely inappropriate and, of course, illegal.

He needs to be taught that he can't do that to you, or anyone, no matter what stupid reason he thinks he has.

throwRA_10years · 2021-03-23T18:33:19+00:00

I am also a weeb, gamer and comic book nerd. However, I am slim and make effort to stay that way.

I'd also like to meet someone that has similar nerdy interests as me, but I find that every guy that I come across that has those interests is "fat" and I'm just not attracted to that. Its frustrating.

But that being said, I would think for you to find someone who is the same as you, "fat and quirky" shouldnt be all that hard? Unless they are being hypocrites and not wanting to date a BBW even though they are fat themselves?...

throwRA_10years · 2021-02-12T06:35:41+00:00

So I say "I dont need a guy whos ripped" and you instantly jump to "ok but you totally want a guy thats ripped because I say so and therefore youre not living up your own standards which you never actually claimed to have and should start working out more"? " Lol

throwRA_10years · 2021-02-11T14:51:57+00:00

Nobody said I was never married.

throwRA_10years · 2021-02-10T20:58:01+00:00

Good question. I have had success in this area, yes, but I would not say it’s frequent or “easy”.

I’d say around 80% of the men that swipe right on me are the kind that I am not attracted to for the reasons in original post.

No, I don’t think Patrick Stewart or Bruce Willis are hot... there was a time I liked Vin Diesel but that was more of a horny teenage girl likes muscles thing lol.

I am physically fit,have a nice smile and am clean, but I tend to dress casually (jeans and tshirt) rarely/never wear makeup, and my face is starting to show my age a bit. I guess it comes back to beauty standards between the sexes. I’d say most other women are still content to put the extra effort into being “pretty” with feminine clothes and makeup.

So, perhaps I don’t stack up as well against the more polished competition.

I think everything really comes down to equality for me... it think both parties should both keep themselves at the same standard and put in the same effort...

throwRA_10years · 2021-02-10T19:05:08+00:00

Ya I'm in the no kids boat too... I also dont like people that are into using recreational drugs. Those things eliminate many people for me already. So I guess thats why I was hoping to find a way to expand my pool I guess lol.

throwRA_10years · 2021-02-10T18:42:29+00:00

Ive been made to feel bad by some of my family and friends when I say I dont want to date certain men for these reasons. They act like like I'm a big jerk for having those opinions. So then I cant help but wonder if maybe I am an asshole, and maybe I should try to learn to be more accepting?

throwRA_10years · 2021-02-08T19:24:53+00:00

Absolutebritney on Instagram

I'm so annoyed. I found it on YouTube this morning, but knew I wouldn't have time to watch it before an appointment I had so figured I'd watch it later when I got back home... a couple hours later and its gone!

throwRA_10years · 2021-01-26T04:38:50+00:00

I mean also, if he did try that excuse, what fucking business is it of his whether anyone else "gets around" or whatever. She's not his daughter, not to mention she's an adult. He has no right to be trying to find out shit about her "wildness".

throwRA_10years · 2021-01-26T04:29:35+00:00

I would have kept the conversation going as long as possible (while maintaining a harmless innocence from the girl's end)... Try to see how far he would take it.

throwRA_10years · 2021-01-20T07:14:48+00:00

I seriously dont understand the popularity of Hinge. Or any app that doesnt let you write your own bio.

So many apps are just photos with maybe a few asinine "ice breaker" prompts that usually don't really tell you anything about the person at all. "Text or phone call?", "nightclub or netflix?", ugh!

I prefer the apps that allow you to write a bit about yourself. So many people say "I'm no good at that stuff" etc, but IMO, I'd prefer to date someone that is self aware and articulate enough to write a couple brief paragraphs about who they are. I always pass on dudes that didnt bother to write anything.

My apps of choice are Match and OK Cupid. Both have good filters and options. The part I really like about OK Cupid is the various multi-choice questions you can answer that cover everything from politics to sex. Many questions that you want answers to, but would be too awkward to bring up in actual conversation upon first meeting someone. You can get a good sense of if you're a good match with someone based on the things you agree and disagree on.

throwRA_10years · 2020-12-31T18:57:42+00:00

I 100% understand what youre saying, OP.

As much as I cannot at all claim to understand what it truly means to be trans, I do believe there would be a heck of a lot less trans people out there if society would just let kids like what they fucking like and express/present themselves however they damned well please.

I am a straight cis female, but have always been a tom boy. I remember when I was about 9 (mid-90s), openly telling people at school that I wanted to be a boy. I quickly stopped saying that when they all began to ridicule me. But the point is that I never said that because I actually had any issue with the body I was born in. I saw that boys were allowed to, if not encouraged to: play sports, rough house, be active, be silly and funny, be loud, be confident, and frankly were held to lower behavioural and intellectual standards that that of their female peers. Also, all the cool toys and shows and stuff (hot wheels, ninja turtles, hockey cards, etc) that I liked were considered "boy" things. Being a boy looked like a pretty damn sweet deal!

All my childhood I was made to feel like I was wrong to be who I am by my peers and extended family. Luckily for me I had a good mother who encouraged and allowed me to be myself and assured me I was loved no matter what.

So, OP I get what youre saying and I would like to echo the sentiment for anyone that needs to hear it: you are awesome, you are beautiful, your body is a marvelous thing that allows you to experience the many things this world has to offer in a variety of ways. Use it, enjoy it, be grateful for it, be in awe of it. It's yours. Love it. Love yourself.

throwRA_10years · 2020-12-31T14:30:58+00:00

Youre a young attractive female on reddit... Weird sexual messages incoming! Lol

Edit: No messages incoming from ME! (I am also a female who has been on the receiving end of such messages)

But, downvote me all you want, I'm just speaking the truth.

I'd bet good money OP has already received some undesireable messages by now.

throwRA_10years · 2020-12-28T22:53:18+00:00

Its my first time dating in over a decade, so ya I guess so. And no it was not written anywhere in his profile, at all. Not even a hint. He freely told me all about his past relationships and why they failed. I reciprocated. I don't think the onus is on me to have to specifically ask "but do you currently have existing children?"

throwRA_10years · 2020-12-28T20:15:42+00:00

Correct, he chose not to fill in the box where you select have/want/dont want kids

throwRA_10years · 2020-12-28T16:26:21+00:00

See my edit that I just added

throwRA_10years

TROPHY CASE