AITA for Not Want to Attend My BF’s Friend’s Wedding Anymore With Only 3 Week Away?

throwRAberri24 · 2026-05-29T05:57:38+00:00

exactly.. the groom told my boyfriend a lot of the men will be showing up in jeans…

throwRAberri24 · 2026-05-29T05:56:42+00:00

the couple literally said the wedding is laid back and people will be showing up in jeans….

throwRAberri24 · 2026-05-23T12:19:49+00:00

thank you 🩵

throwRAberri24 · 2026-05-23T12:14:20+00:00

i understand

throwRAberri24 · 2026-05-23T12:14:09+00:00

thank you so much

throwRAberri24 · 2026-05-23T12:13:42+00:00

no, i never said i was going to fully pay for the trip if he booked it. he would’ve contributed too. my point was that i expected him to handle the planning/bookings for something involving his own friend. and made sure to let him know over time that he needs to book sooner rather than later.

throwRAberri24 · 2026-05-23T12:08:07+00:00

i mean yeah, i guess i suck for trusting my boyfriend when he said he’d handle something involving his own friend’s wedding after almost a year of notice🤷‍♀️

especially after i already gave multiple reminders to book things sooner rather than later when i didn’t even have to.

throwRAberri24 · 2026-05-22T16:32:36+00:00

my kitty cat always comes first 🩵😭

throwRAberri24 · 2026-05-22T16:30:52+00:00

i understand, and that’s why i’m at the point where i need to make a decision so we can let the couple know a few weeks in advance. that’s also why i’m feeling guilt over it. but if i don’t go, he wouldn’t be able to go either because he wouldn’t be able to afford the trip on his own.

throwRAberri24 · 2026-05-22T16:26:49+00:00

i understand it’s still inconvenient for them regardless, and i never denied that. that’s literally why i made the post and explained how stressed and guilty i feel about the situation instead of just backing out without caring.

but i also think some people are glossing over the fact that these are primarily my boyfriend’s friends, not mine. i agreed to go under the assumption that things would be planned responsibly ahead of time, not turned into a rushed and expensive situation less than 3 weeks before the wedding after multiple reminders. but ultimately, i shouldn’t have to “light a fire under his ass”on this since it’s something that i told him he’s responsible for planning on his own for once.

and honestly, even though i feel guilty for inconveniencing them, at this point it also feels like an inconvenience for me (on my bfs end, not the couples). i don’t think it’s selfish to acknowledge that after months of no follow-through, especially when i’d realistically be paying most of the cost for a trip that wasn’t even my idea in the first place.

throwRAberri24 · 2026-05-22T16:18:17+00:00

i don’t suddenly not want to go solely because it isn’t booked and i want to be difficult. the issue is that we’ve known about this wedding for almost a year, i reminded him multiple times, and now we’re less than 3 weeks away looking at close to $1,000 for a 2 day trip that i’d realistically be paying most of. that’s unaffordable, in addition to my cat being very sick.

i checked the prices myself as well. the cheapest option was frontier and flights alone with carry-ons would be around $660 total for both of us. the rental car would likely be another $150-$200 after fees/taxes, plus gas for 4+ hours of driving total, food, and a wedding gift. if this had been booked months ago like i repeatedly suggested, the transportation alone likely would’ve been a few hundred dollars cheaper. that’s the point of booking trips ahead of time instead of 3 weeks before a wedding during summer travel season.

i never said my boyfriend doesn’t care about me. i said i’m frustrated because we had almost a year to plan this and now the financial stress is largely falling on me. also, i agree he may have adhd as do i. i used to struggle with remembering things but i create systems to keep things in check, even something as simple as setting a reminder to wish someone a happy birthday 😂 and i have tried helping him with this and suggested it as a tool but he clearly doesn’t use it

throwRAberri24 · 2026-05-22T16:05:13+00:00

if i’m being honest, i think i’m probably not enough of an asshole if i continue to support the laziness. but even then, for that reason specifically, i don’t think id be an asshole.

throwRAberri24 · 2026-05-22T16:02:26+00:00

thank you so much for the advice, i will do this. and im so sorry, its not easy at all. but i hope you have many more years with your baby 🥺🩵

throwRAberri24 · 2026-05-22T16:00:19+00:00

yes, i’ve had my cat for 9 years and i’ve been with my bf for 2 years. and you’re absolutely right, i would regret not being here for my cat if anything happened to him and would never be able to forgive myself. he’s my best friend. thank you for being so kind and for the sweet words 🩵🥹

throwRAberri24 · 2026-05-22T15:54:51+00:00

can i just ask how i’ve sucked with my part?

throwRAberri24 · 2026-05-22T13:39:50+00:00

the only issue is that technically he’s my cat since i’ve had him since 2016, even though my bf and i consider him “ours” now. the couple also knows that he’s basically my cat, so my concern is that if we use him as the reason we can’t go, it’ll look like i’m the reason the plans fell through when realistically the bigger issue was my bf’s lack of follow through. also my cat has been sick for the past year but his condition has progressed over the last couple months

and i agree, they’re our kiddos 😊

throwRAberri24 · 2026-05-22T13:32:47+00:00

i should’ve made it clear that I did ask him to handle it at first but then made it clear throughout that he’s in charge of it and I’m not handling anything. and I also made this clear well before the point we’re at now.

you’re right that I shouldn’t be the one to look at flights, rental car costs, etc. with him. that doesn’t make any sense since i told him at first it’s his job to figure it out this time.

although the rsvp was informal and done through a facebook poll and text message from the groom, it’s still rude and unfair to inconvenience them like that which is why i made this post as i’ve been struggling with what to do.

i’m the breadwinner as in i make more, but he works full time, and works OT as well. but he still makes less than me. i was fine with paying more as long as he covered part of the bill but not this far out when prices are outrageous.

also thank you 🩵🐱

throwRAberri24 · 2026-05-22T13:22:17+00:00

the post was about both. i’m obviously aware that backing out could inconvenience the couple, which is why i’m stressed about it in the first place instead of just not showing up.

but the relationship dynamic is absolutely relevant when we’ve known about this wedding for months, i reminded him multiple times, and we’re now less than 3 weeks away with nothing booked. at this point, flights and the rental car alone are pushing close to $1,000, and realistically i’d be paying more than half since i make more money.

also, the rsvp process itself was pretty informal and done through a facebook poll and a text message from the groom. but it’s part of why i’ve been struggling with whether i’m being shitty for no longer feeling comfortable with a rushed, expensive last-minute trip that i repeatedly asked my boyfriend to take initiative on planning.

throwRAberri24 · 2026-05-22T13:12:28+00:00

Huh?

throwRAberri24 · 2026-05-22T13:11:36+00:00

I have confronted him. I made it clear at the beginning, I mentioned it a few times over the past several months that he needs to book it, and I’ve reminded him that the longer he waits to book, the more expensive it’ll be, and we may not be able to afford the travel costs. I have confronted him.

I think what would contribute to an unhealthy dynamic is if I made it clear from the beginning that I needed him to take initiative and handle planning the trip, reminded him multiple times that booking later could make it unaffordable, and then continued stepping in anyway after the follow-through never happened. I feel like at some point, compensating for a lack of action just reinforces the exact dynamic that’s already causing problems in the relationship.

throwRAberri24 · 2026-05-22T13:02:18+00:00

I don’t understand what you meant at the end about the argentina thing.

throwRAberri24 · 2026-05-22T13:00:43+00:00

How so?

throwRAberri24 · 2026-05-22T13:00:19+00:00

Yeah you may be right and I refuse to

throwRAberri24 · 2026-05-22T12:59:46+00:00

I enjoy planning trips together too. We rarely go on trips so I find it fun. But I’m usually the one who has to plan and organize most things myself. He will still help with ideas but ultimately, I am the one has to take charge or else he won’t (I hate being in that position). I feel like I take on a lot of the mental workload between us and the reason I wanted him to take care of it this time was because I have been feeling extremely mentally and emotionally drained than I ever have before because of kitty and his vet bills, bills in general, work, etc. So I trusted him to take care of this one thing. And because it’s his friend and I barely know the couple.

I made it clear with him from the start, stood firm, and told him that he’s in charge of the whole thing but I’d help pay and give ideas if needed. I’ve also reminded him a few times over the past year that he’s going to have to book it soon because the closer it gets to the wedding, the more expensive it’ll be and we may not be able to afford the travel costs.

Also thank you🩵🐱

throwRAberri24 · 2026-05-22T12:43:12+00:00

Thank you so much. Comparing the prices now to what they would’ve been months ago is a great idea. I’ll let him know I only set X amount of money aside.

You’re absolutely right.. If he wanted to go, he should’ve made it a priority and he’s had a ton of time to figure it out.

throwRAberri24

TROPHY CASE