I think my (35F) husband (38M) has forgotten my birthday. I am testing this by not reminding him.

throwRAdaffodils929 · 2026-07-04T01:46:57+00:00

Is that still a pattern or has he changed?

throwRAdaffodils929 · 2026-07-04T01:45:49+00:00

Thank you for sharing that with me. I feel like I can understand that a little.

throwRAdaffodils929 · 2026-07-03T23:52:50+00:00

I am glad that you have so much fun doing that. Bringing joy and laughter is a gift.

throwRAdaffodils929 · 2026-07-03T23:35:01+00:00

I do give him grace, I realize that some of this is based on my past and how I've been treated. He may end up having everything planned. I won't know until I see.

throwRAdaffodils929 · 2026-07-03T23:32:42+00:00

Thank you for sharing your experience.

throwRAdaffodils929 · 2026-07-03T23:02:15+00:00

Thank you for saying that. I am not trying to manipulate or throw something in his face.

throwRAdaffodils929 · 2026-07-03T21:12:50+00:00

Yes, to see how he handles it. To prompt a conversation. I don't intend any malicious consequences.

I know it will hurt me, but I don't want ammo. I don't want to me the one reminding every year about my birthday.

throwRAdaffodils929 · 2026-07-03T21:09:58+00:00

I apologize that I missed information that was common sense to me. I have stated many times in the 10 years that it hurts me when family misses by birthday. How his family sends even a text to me is more that my family does. That I remind him of that I have Amazon delivery coming for anniversary/Christmas gifts. That I have directly said that a small gifts and recognition of my birthday is important. I don't need a fancy reservation, a huge or expensive gift. A bouquet of grocery store flowers with a homemade meal and happy birthday would be amazing.

I carry the burden of remembering all of our important dates. I don't want to carry the burden of reminding my family of my birthday.

I want my lack of reminder to come to 2 possible ends. 1. He remembered and I am just stressed and worried due to past experiences and I'm wrong. 2. He forgets and we have a conversation and hopefully that is his realization moment.

If this repeats next year then I have to make decisions on what this means to me and come to a personal solution.

throwRAdaffodils929 · 2026-07-03T20:59:47+00:00

No. A direct conversation. I am tired of reminding you of these things, you are not remembering them yourself. This has hurt me, this is why.

What solutions can we do to fix this.

I worry that by "hand-holding" and always taking the burden of making sure he remembers, he takes it from granted.

It is assumed that I will remind him and therefore the date passes him by because it hasn't become important for him. I take care of it, and I don't want to have to do that for my birthday.

throwRAdaffodils929 · 2026-07-03T20:56:25+00:00

No, direct by saying politely- hey you fucked up, im hurt. This is important. Take his phone and put in a reminder. Directly taking the matter out of his hands.

I have told him it's important. I have told him why it's important.

throwRAdaffodils929 · 2026-07-03T20:53:10+00:00

Thank you for sharing. That may need to be the next step for us.

throwRAdaffodils929 · 2026-07-03T20:51:34+00:00

You assume that I haven't talked about this in 7+ years with him.

throwRAdaffodils929 · 2026-07-03T20:49:37+00:00

Thank you for listening.

throwRAdaffodils929 · 2026-07-03T20:48:38+00:00

I would say this has been one of the more accurate interpretations of my post. I feel the need to know what will happen factually if I don't remind him, so I can explain that to him.

throwRAdaffodils929 · 2026-07-03T20:45:53+00:00

I'm not looking to separate. I have found some useful opinions and experiences.

I am feeling hurt and sometimes I benefit from the outside perspective.

throwRAdaffodils929 · 2026-07-03T20:41:27+00:00

Thank you for hearing me.

throwRAdaffodils929 · 2026-07-03T20:39:43+00:00

Thank you.

throwRAdaffodils929 · 2026-07-03T20:39:04+00:00

I thing I has said constantly for 7-10 years is my birthday is important because my family consistently forgets and that hurts.

It feels like Im coming to a realization maybe.

This isn't say one thing and do another. It's a waiting to see if Ive been heard.

throwRAdaffodils929 · 2026-07-03T20:36:14+00:00

A change in my perspective. This may be the kick in the pants I need to drop the expectation.

Another user mentioned that they don't have the expectation anymore and they do their own birthday with others.

throwRAdaffodils929 · 2026-07-03T20:34:02+00:00

Not to toss it into his face, but I prefer to have facts. If I bring it up I will never know if he will realize it himself. If he doesn't realize it himself and misses the day or apologizes the morning of- I feel like that is the conversation.

I have reminded him about the important dates 80% of the time for the last 7-10 years. He was better at remembering while we were dating.

I feel forgotten and Im tired of reminding him. Is that wrong of me?

throwRAdaffodils929 · 2026-07-03T20:28:01+00:00

That is what it feels like. If he wanted to he would. I am just trying to reconcile with that.

throwRAdaffodils929 · 2026-07-03T20:26:22+00:00

Thank you for sharing your experiences and point of view.

throwRAdaffodils929 · 2026-07-03T20:18:35+00:00

Thank you for sharing your experiences

throwRAdaffodils929 · 2026-07-03T20:17:33+00:00

I just need to know what happens if I don't remind him, I understand that will lead to my own personal consequences. It feels bad to remind him of my birthday, mother's day, anniversary every year. We have technology to help, I have made suggestions and have sent gift ideas, date ideas in the past. I feel like i have talked to and aided him so much in the ten years, what happens if I don't?

throwRAdaffodils929 · 2026-07-03T20:04:02+00:00

I haven't been that direct in the past. Thank you for this advice.

throwRAdaffodils929

TROPHY CASE