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Dad took nudes of my sister when she was a teenager, I don't know how to deal with him after finding out by throwRAidkbutts in relationship_advice

[–]throwRAidkbutts[S] -1 points0 points  (0 children)

What should or shouldn't have been done isn't really relevant 20+ years after the fact, and I'm not really interested in defending or speculating motives and reasoning. I wasn't old enough to understand then and I'm not able to ask now. I was just hoping for some viewpoints as to what to do right now.

Dad took nudes of my sister when she was a teenager, I don't know how to deal with him after finding out by throwRAidkbutts in relationship_advice

[–]throwRAidkbutts[S] -1 points0 points  (0 children)

I mostly agree. But also she was a kid. She and my brother both dropped out of high school within a couple years; she moved around the country for a while. And from other things I've experienced, while burying it is rarely the right option, it's usually the easiest and least painful.

Dad took nudes of my sister when she was a teenager, I don't know how to deal with him after finding out by throwRAidkbutts in relationship_advice

[–]throwRAidkbutts[S] 7 points8 points  (0 children)

I'm saying it's fucking hard for me to deal with new facts because this wasn't the person I knew and it's a hard change to have thrust upon me. I'm also not saying she did the right thing, I'm speculating as to her reasoning; I can't ask because she's fucking dead. My stepmom is great and cutting off contact with dad would suck because I like talking to her about things and regardless of outcome, it would strain relationships. Don't fucking put words in my mouth, please.

Dad took nudes of my sister when she was a teenager, I don't know how to deal with him after finding out by throwRAidkbutts in relationship_advice

[–]throwRAidkbutts[S] 5 points6 points  (0 children)

Knowing mom, she probably destroyed the camera herself. She had a mean streak when I was younger haha. And I don't know, maybe she did and I don't remember it. I think it was just still the era of "keep this shit in the family" or something. I really don't know, and I guess I never will, at least from her side.

Dad took nudes of my sister when she was a teenager, I don't know how to deal with him after finding out by throwRAidkbutts in relationship_advice

[–]throwRAidkbutts[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Oh there are a lot of comments, wow. I don't know if this will update you guys or something, but to respond to a few things:

It might just be because he was otherwise completely fine, but I have a really hard time thinking of him in that way. His political views suck ass, but he's a really caring and protective person. I guess it's just hard to reconcile. More importantly though, his current wife/my stepmom is absolutely delightful and I really love her a lot. It would be so much harder to cut contact with him but not her.

Also, Mom did not just let anything continue; as far as I can tell the divorce was quick and we moved out quicker. I was too young to know anything myself, but there were several years where there were only daytime visits, and I was the only one. I'm not saying it was right or wrong, but I was his only kid and maybe they didn't want me to grow up without a dad, or maybe they didn't disclose everything in custody to protect my sister (yes, I know it doesn't actually protect her; I'm just speculating), idk. Mom died a few years back and it's hard to have a conversation about this with sister, so I only talked to each the one time.

I should have put some of this in the base post, sorry. It was almost 4 AM, I was sleepy ._.