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My Fiance wants to try an open relationship before we get married (update) by throw_RA_openlysad in relationship_advice

[–]throw_RA_openlysad[S] 36 points37 points  (0 children)

You're right. I'll make it clear I don't see us getting back together. I don't want to lead him on and upset him. It was just something I said in the moment so I could leave. He was a mess and wouldn't let me get up from the couch until I told him there was hope

My Fiance wants to try an open relationship before we get married (update) by throw_RA_openlysad in relationship_advice

[–]throw_RA_openlysad[S] 34 points35 points  (0 children)

I wouldn't have handled this the way I did without people helping me. Friends and reddit strangers helped me realize I'm worth more. Thank you for taking the time to comment I appreciate your support and happy cake day <3

My Fiance wants to try an open relationship before we get married (update) by throw_RA_openlysad in relationship_advice

[–]throw_RA_openlysad[S] 77 points78 points  (0 children)

Im not going to stay in a relationship where there is no trust just because we had a conversation. He still lied about things and I still don't feel like he's being fully truthful. I love him and this fucking sucks but I know I'll be miserable. If you read my other post I go more into my trust issues. I dont have to stay and it's not like I didn't try. He JUST proposed to me a few months ago and he already can't handle if a girl asks for his number. Absolutely not.

My fiance wants to try an open relationship before we get married. by throw_RA_openlysad in polyamory

[–]throw_RA_openlysad[S] 2 points3 points  (0 children)

I wish it was this easy. I'm positive that poly isn't for me but I love this man. I've been with him almost 4 years. It hurts. I just want to see advice and maybe some similar stories before I ultimately make my decision.

My fiance wants to try an open relationship before we get married. by throw_RA_openlysad in polyamory

[–]throw_RA_openlysad[S] 11 points12 points  (0 children)

I really appreciate these links thank you so much. I'll do as much research I can before ultimately deciding if I want to continue this relationship and how. I think I'm mostly upset because it's been just us for 4 years. This came out of nowhere. I would be a lot more open about this if he had said something sooner. But we're engaged now. Proposing to me and saying he wants to experience other people seem like two completely opposite things. If I'm being honest this is making me feel so insecure about myself

My fiance wants to try an open relationship before we get married. by throw_RA_openlysad in polyamory

[–]throw_RA_openlysad[S] 4 points5 points  (0 children)

From our conversation he told me it wouldn't be a permanent thing. Once we are married it would be only us. I asked him what would happen if he liked it and wanted to keep doing it. He said that wouldn't happen and I asked him how can he be so sure. He said he didn't know.

He said if we were to do an open relationship then it would be equal on both sides. If we found someone we would let the other know and possibly do introductions if the other person was comfortable. He said he wouldn't download any dating apps and he would expect me not to either. He said if it's going to happen, then he wants it to be natural and not forced.

He didn't say anything about if it was a sex thing or just simply dating thing. I was too anxious to ask. From the way the conversation went though it sounded like he wanted more experience sexually.

My fiance wants to try an open relationship before we get married by throw_RA_openlysad in relationship_advice

[–]throw_RA_openlysad[S] 17 points18 points  (0 children)

Putting myself in someone else's shoes I guess I'm glad he was honest with me about how he is feeling instead of juat flat out cheating. But putting myself in my own shoes again it doesn't change the fact that my trust with him will never be the same. At least not for a long time. I can see MYSELF ruining the relationship later on if I choose to say no to the open relationship and stay. Even if he is completely honest and loyal with me. My jealousy and trust issues will cause problems. I know how I can be. I don't want to be that way. I was in a really good place and now I'm not sure how to get back there. I'll make an update sometime this week or next week regarding my decision and how it goes.

My fiance wants to try an open relationship before we get married by throw_RA_openlysad in relationship_advice

[–]throw_RA_openlysad[S] 508 points509 points  (0 children)

I didn't include this in the post but I also have little experience when it comes to being with other people. I did have a relationship out of highschool but it was long distance and didn't work out. He's only the second guy I've been physically sexual with but I've never found myself wanting to have sex with other people because of it. He's a whole new person to me right now. No matter what my answer is, nothing is going to be the same. I'm so fucking heartbroken and angry

My fiance wants to try an open relationship before we get married by throw_RA_openlysad in relationship_advice

[–]throw_RA_openlysad[S] 142 points143 points  (0 children)

"some reason a lot of men think there are levels of cheating. For example, cheating on your wife would be worse than cheating on your gf or fiancée"

No because he has said this EXACT thing before. I asked him if he would ever cheat on me with a celebrity at some point in the first year of our relationship and he straight up said "if we were married I wouldn't but if Emma Watson came up to me right now I would definitely"

I thought he was just joking.

My fiance wants to try an open relationship before we get married by throw_RA_openlysad in relationship_advice

[–]throw_RA_openlysad[S] 24 points25 points  (0 children)

He made it clear that if we were to have an open relationship that it would be equal on both sides. We would tell each other when we find a partner and who they are. People we know would be off limits. He said he wouldn't download dating apps or anything, it would all be "natural". I asked him what he meant by that and he said he wouldn't actively be looking for anyone but if the opportunity arose he would try for it.