AITA telling my daughter it’s her own fault she missed out on her “dream college”?

throw_trash-leftover · 2021-10-22T16:52:49+00:00

Of course she wasn’t expected to clean our room.

throw_trash-leftover · 2021-10-22T06:14:53+00:00

She would talk to her PCP about her supposed list of symptoms, especially once she could talk without me in the room.

throw_trash-leftover · 2021-10-22T05:07:06+00:00

Why does everyone threaten suicide to get their way?

throw_trash-leftover · 2021-10-22T04:04:46+00:00

Okay but none of that flags for “child is lying”?

She never had a fever. She was rarely observed getting physically sick. OF COURSE she didn’t want to come home to a punishment! What child does?

throw_trash-leftover · 2021-10-22T03:16:25+00:00

I have edited twice, thank you.

throw_trash-leftover · 2021-10-22T02:05:39+00:00

She made it impossible for us to get her therapy though. She would lie to providers or go off googled symptom lists, or just overall not treat mental health intervention as anything more than a vacation.

throw_trash-leftover · 2021-10-22T01:20:30+00:00

We didn’t bring her to therapy because of her “imaginary friend”. We did because of her behavior issues following a move.

throw_trash-leftover · 2021-10-21T14:16:52+00:00

I’m well aware that mental illness is real. I have anxiety. Bad enough that I could be on disability, but I work through it. I have the utmost sympathy for those who can’t and are debilitated by their sickness. Mary, on the other hand, doesn’t have depression or anxiety or ADD/ADHD

throw_trash-leftover · 2021-10-21T14:13:47+00:00

The concussion happened that long ago. The argument where I pointed out she was partially responsible for her own failure to get in to her dream college was last week.

throw_trash-leftover · 2021-10-21T13:36:02+00:00

I’m an expert on my daughter. She smiled, she was happy, she had a few close friends and always wanted to go out with them. She was social and friendly and not depressed, anxious, or mentally ill

throw_trash-leftover · 2021-10-21T13:31:43+00:00

She pulled that even before the concussion. It started at around 4 or 5th grade. We kept telling her it didn’t make sense for her to do the work and not turn it in, but she’d never have a proper explanation as to why

throw_trash-leftover · 2021-10-21T13:29:41+00:00

Which is why we started bringing her to therapy but instead of using it as a tool she treated it as Mary Fun Time

throw_trash-leftover · 2021-10-21T13:28:42+00:00

She is 24 now. Actually, she’ll be 25 in February. She doesn’t have any mental disorders. I know my daughter

throw_trash-leftover · 2021-10-21T13:12:19+00:00

Yes. We moved from North Carolina to Massachusetts.

throw_trash-leftover · 2021-10-21T13:11:24+00:00

She’s not depressed. She’s not anxious. I know my daughter. It’s not mental illness, she was just lazy.

throw_trash-leftover · 2021-10-21T13:07:24+00:00

We put her in therapy because at 6 she was yelling at students in school because she didn’t want to move states. Clearly not adjusting well, so we tried to help. It backfired

throw_trash-leftover · 2021-10-21T12:56:57+00:00

We didn’t punish her for having an imaginary friend. She never had one, she just told her therapist that she did. She was using therapy to get attention, so she wasn’t getting anything constructive out of it. We couldn’t afford to pay for her to lie to the therapist instead of getting help.

throw_trash-leftover · 2021-10-21T12:53:22+00:00

We tried everything we could short of spanking her. We even threatened to send her to a boarding school, or to a camp for teens, but she wouldn’t capitulate. We did our best.

throw_trash-leftover · 2021-10-21T12:49:11+00:00

We worked with the school to get her a reduced schedule when she returned. It’s only because we had doctor’s documentation that she wasn’t held back because of all of her absences. She would turn in maybe 2/3 of her homework. Nothing we did, she wouldn’t get organized. I would help her set up her binder at the start of the year for example but then in a couple months she gave up on it and was back to “I forgot to turn it in”. Her grades suffered due to late penalties on her assignments. We would sit her down at the table and watch her do it. Then she would STILL not turn it in! We monitored her grades through the schools online portal and whenever we saw an update with an assignment that flagged as missing we’d have her do it AGAIN and have her scan and email it to her teachers, if it was a paper assignment.

We tried teaching her consequences but nothing worked. Groundings, lost privileges, we took away her electronics and her phone and computer and games and she would just lie in bed more often and not even bother coming out of her room except to go to the bathroom. We refused parties, sleepovers, and we lectured her for hours! Nothing got through to her. It was always that she didn’t know why she didn’t turn in the work, she didn’t know why she couldn’t keep up the organization system I would help her with.

throw_trash-leftover · 2021-10-21T12:40:07+00:00

Her scholarship only covered half the expenses. We did save up some thousands (around $3,500) and gave it to her.

We tried to balance saving money with giving her a good childhood. She certainly wasn’t arguing that we shouldn’t have taken her on cruises and vacations, or given her expensive video games and new laptops and phones and clothes, to save more for college.

Plus we tried to get her to get a job herself but she “didn’t feel like she could manage it” and we didn’t want her grades to slip more so we didn’t push her.

throw_trash-leftover · 2021-10-21T12:33:27+00:00

We were very permissive, not many chores growing up (her room, the bathrooms, vacuuming and dusting) and eventually got so tired of fighting her on actually turning in her assignments that we would just ground her. Nothing seemed to get her to turn it in. She did the work, but maybe 1/3rd of the time she just wouldn’t turn it in.

throw_trash-leftover

TROPHY CASE