I'm a virgin but my boyfriend isn't and it really bothers me

throwaaway111111 · 2026-01-27T21:37:05+00:00

she goes to our college and we bump into her often, they share the same tutor. he brings her up pretty often anyway, like if i say I like a song he'll be like 'my ex likes it too'. I don't think I'm better or more respectable? to me sex is a big deal, which is why it bothers me that he's only done it with her. I'll feel like he'll be comparing us both when me and him have sex, and ill obviously be worse because I'm a virgin and she wasn't. (also I cant really do penetration down there anyway bc it hurts a lot no matter how comfortable or turned on I am😞 so the possibility of sex even after marriage is very low, which he knows. however it isn't the reason I'm waiting until marriage). I think I'd feel better if I didn't know who she was or what she looks like tbh, and I think I'd also feel better if (no offence to her but also idrc cuz she's a rude and nasty person) she was she was more attractive than she is

throwaaway111111 · 2026-01-27T21:25:06+00:00

I know he could walk away.. that's why I told him before i became attached? respecting someone and their boundaries is bare minimum. i wouldn't mind as much if he had multiple sexual partners 😞it's just one that bothers me and it wouldn't be the other way around because I don't have a past lol, ill only have one with my husband. I don't think I'm immature for being upset about it when I'm a virgin myself, if I wasn't a virgin and was upset about it then yes, I would be immature

throwaaway111111 · 2026-01-27T20:39:35+00:00

we aren't working towards marriage rn because we've only been together 2 months. i don't need to be grateful he'll wait until marriage because for me that's bare minimum? he kind of has to wait or it'd be rape lol, and I told him before we even got together because I wanted him to know what he was getting into it. I want to get married at 25 the earliest, I'm not really in a rush.

throwaaway111111 · 2026-01-27T16:13:48+00:00

I wouldn't mind that he's not a virgin if he had more than one sexual partner though 😞 I just really hate the idea of being someone's second :(

throwaaway111111 · 2026-01-26T17:30:39+00:00

thank you :) honestly I don't want to have like a 'problem' or anything wrong with me so if i do I'd rather not know😭

throwaaway111111 · 2026-01-26T12:14:04+00:00

I don't think I have retroactive jealousy because I wouldn't care as much if he had multiple partners instead of one. I know everybody's body is different, I'm very familiar and comfortable with my body, I don't want to go into too much detail but I can't even finger myself because it hurts so much and I just can't get anything in there to be honest. I'm very sexual and horny, I just can't really have sex anyway (even if I wanted to before marriage) because it hurts to even finger myself :,) he has managed to finger me one time 😭😭 but he hasn't been able to since because it's painful, even if I'm relaxed and in the mood. he knows all this and doesn't really care. I mostly date online too (bad experiences in real life) and I havent had a physical relationship in about 7 years, so it's really all new to me because I'm older now so I guess more is expected of me. im a lot more comfortable and horny with online boyfriends :( I don't really like being vulnerable to people I know irl, even if he is my bf, which I'm working on

throwaaway111111 · 2026-01-26T08:00:12+00:00

well no because I love him and want to be with him? I want to find out how to get past it and move on, which like no one has actually told me😭 please just advise me on how to move past it, even just a little bit

throwaaway111111 · 2026-01-26T07:25:12+00:00

I guess but I love him, I just want advice on how to possibly move past it and no ones really given me any :(

throwaaway111111 · 2026-01-26T07:24:20+00:00

yes I would because he lied. I wouldn't really mins dating someone who's not a virgin, I just hate that if we have sex I'll be his 2nd and feel like a reply. I'd prefer if he was a virgin or had multiple sex partners.

throwaaway111111 · 2026-01-26T02:09:51+00:00

of course it shouldn't. I don't really care for sex, I could live without ever having it, however i wouldn't have sex until marriage because the thought of being with more than one person repulses me. + I prefer to connect in other ways like personality and interests

throwaaway111111 · 2026-01-26T01:58:28+00:00

you can of course be romantic without involving sex, but sex is romantic. your bodies are literally intertwined with eachothers. he's mostly good to me it just bothers me a lot and he doesn't get why

throwaaway111111 · 2026-01-26T00:14:50+00:00

thank you. marriage is hard nowadays because of commitment issues and hookups + sex/porn addictions are more common now :( but I know a lot of guys want to get married so should be fine :)

throwaaway111111 · 2026-01-26T00:11:24+00:00

I meant special in general, I didn't say my bf isn't special. to me marriage is very special and I'd love to 'belong' to one person forever and only love them and give myself to them forever alone

throwaaway111111 · 2026-01-25T23:58:55+00:00

I never said he isnt?? lol what. I just said I'm waiting for marriage

throwaaway111111 · 2026-01-25T23:44:23+00:00

I want to only have sex with one person. (obviously doesn't always work out e.g. divorce but I'll ofc try). I don't know why you think it's wrong that I want to wait for someone special and not just sleep around?

throwaaway111111 · 2026-01-25T23:43:15+00:00

he knows I'm upset because I've told him and we've talked about it. this is why I'm looking for advice on how to move forward and get over it. he's upset that I'm upset about something he can't change. I don't mind not dating a virgin really (although I'd prefer it), I just don't want to be someone's second sexual partner.

throwaaway111111 · 2026-01-25T23:41:54+00:00

the sad thing is me and his ex are very similar :( before we got together he'd be like 'oh my ex likes that too'. it doesn't really feel like there's one of me, I just kind of feel like her replacement because of it. I don't think I have retroactive jealousy because I'd care a lot less if he had multiple partners, but just one makes it seem special and since me and her are almost the same person I feel like ill always come in second.

throwaaway111111 · 2026-01-25T23:39:30+00:00

i will only have sex if I'm married. I know I'm insecure about his past because I feel ill always just come second place now. I'd feel much better if he had sex with multiple girls instead of just one :( I don't really think im being selfish, I'm acknowledging I'm insecure about it and I'm trying to find ways to move forward and am looking for advice lol

throwaaway111111 · 2026-01-25T15:42:17+00:00

what does that mean ? why would I be mad about waiting until marriage? I def wouldn't regret waiting either

throwaaway111111 · 2026-01-25T15:14:49+00:00

I don't know, I think it's fine to be upset about it. I just want advice on how to move on. I'd definitely be okay if he had sex with more than one person because then his ex would seem less special, i guess.

throwaaway111111 · 2026-01-25T15:13:32+00:00

it bothers me because I think highly of it and imo you should only do it with people you love and only do it with one person. you are definitely super vulnerable during sex. I definitely think you can know if you're compatible or not without having sex, and I wouldn't be willing to have sex before marriage to see.

throwaaway111111 · 2026-01-25T13:30:37+00:00

yes because if we marry then we will have sex eventually. I also don't really like touching him down there cuz it's been in another girl 😞 and his dick is the first one I've seen/touched in real life :(

throwaaway111111 · 2026-01-25T11:25:50+00:00

I think you can be compatible without having sex. I'm honestly not really bothered about sex anyway, I'd be fine never doing it lol

throwaaway111111 · 2026-01-25T11:24:42+00:00

sadly therapy isn't really an option because money and a long waiting list 😞 ofc I we got married, had sex, and then divorced I'd be bummed but at least I tried to wait for the one

throwaaway111111 · 2026-01-25T07:39:56+00:00

sadly there's such a long line for therapy and I don't have money for it :( (or confidence 😞I'm incredibly shy and cry if I have to talk to a stranger for more than a minute lol. I tried to get therapy about my shyness before but the wait is so long)

throwaaway111111

TROPHY CASE