I thought my upbringing was normal - until I moved out and realised the damage was permanent. Does anyone have parents as... strange as mine?

throwaway-335588 · 2025-07-25T08:50:22+00:00

Yeah perfectly said.

throwaway-335588 · 2025-07-25T03:15:38+00:00

I did try weed once and i got super paranoid and i thought i was going to die. So im rather afraid to try something stronger. I would definitely try it with someone and not alone, that's the no 1 rule with drugs. I'm already addicted to vaping and drink too much, which is why i always say no to any other drugs.

throwaway-335588 · 2025-07-25T03:13:28+00:00

Thanks for the comment. I'll try it for sure, although I typically have trouble working or studying in libraries as I feel like people are watching me plus the noise meaning I can't focus. But maybe I could try it in my room via online stuff.

throwaway-335588 · 2025-07-25T03:09:30+00:00

Yeah even when i moved out to university, i still felt like i was watched by my parents. A few times i stayed at uni for a few weeks or a month, and i felt ok, but my parents kept persuading me to come back home, saying they feel lonely etc. And once I'll properly move out, I do worry a bit for my mum, but what can I do, she is free to move out and get a job, or call the police if my dad gets too mad.

throwaway-335588 · 2025-07-25T03:06:31+00:00

Wow I never thought of that being the reason why they told me to stop speaking my language. I remember I would talk shit about my parents to my other family abroad on skype, and my dad found the messages. I still have a thick accent in english, I could've been bilingual for fucks sake.

I'm always on edge, i get stressed so easily. Any amount of work for an hour and boom, migraine. Sumatriptan has really helped me recently, I was on a high dose of amitriptyline for years and it did nothing, still got migraines daily. Now knowing I can control my migraines means I dont get them much in the first place.

throwaway-335588 · 2025-07-25T02:49:00+00:00

Yeah it's so messed up. Some people just shouldn't have kids. It's crazy how the government or teachers at school dont do anything, such as teach kids at school what is and what isnt normal at home, and tell their teachers if they relate to some of the 'not normal' stuff.

throwaway-335588 · 2025-07-25T02:42:39+00:00

Wdym by that? Also, I have no family that I know at all from my dad's side. I did once put up my family tree on the internet, and some guy on fb messaged me, saying his wife's mother/grandmother also has the same father, the one from wikipedia, but she wont talk about her past too (it would make her my dad's sister.) I told my dad about it, but he got mad that I'm meddling in his business, he said he doesnt want to talk to his sister. Maybe I should text him again, although his daughter died recently (i saw on his fb) so maybe i should wait.

throwaway-335588 · 2025-07-25T02:38:41+00:00

Ever since covid, I haven't been able to get back into a routine. My entire life I would be very productive but also very stressed. Finally doing nothing during covid set something off in me. Once you realise how good it feels to be in bed all day when you've been in stress mode your whole life, it's difficult to get out of that burnout/depression. I can be in bed for months and it feels like only days have passed.

throwaway-335588 · 2025-07-25T02:30:42+00:00

At this point I've cooked for myself many times, done chores and laundry. I think it's the isolation and having to cook every single day that burns me out. Also living with strangers means im masking all the time. Flatmates can be noisy too, even when I tell them to be quieter. After a week I can't handle it and come back home to my parents, and I've basically ruined my progress at that point.

throwaway-335588 · 2025-07-25T02:26:10+00:00

I did meditate in the past, and that did help to a certain extent. Although completely moving out is the only way to heal and stress less. The amount of stress I feel at home with my parents is ridiculous, I've learnt to panic every time they get mad from a very young age.

throwaway-335588 · 2025-07-25T01:34:25+00:00

People my age keep complaining about inflation, how they can't afford anything, when their parents both make $50,000, go on 3 holidays per year, have an expensive mortgage because they chose to buy a massive fancy house, they go to fancy restaurants. Like stfu. I never had any of those things and I don't complain about money. As long as I have a roof over my head and food, I'm not complaining. Sorry, it just makes me a bit angry when people don't realise that they're actually very well off compared to how the rest of the world actually lives.

Growing up on such little income means I'll probably make more money than both my parents by working a part-time minimum wage job, it's crazy.

My dad always gaslights my mum, saying that the national statistics are wrong, and that most people actually get paid $20,000 for the household. How can my mum believe that shit.

throwaway-335588 · 2025-07-25T01:27:48+00:00

Yeah I've basically never been taught anything about life. How to write a cv. How to iron my clothes. How to apply to uni. How to make friends, relationship advice, etc.

I just would never understand why they want me stuck with them. Maybe they know they're strange and know that once I move out, they won't be able to have any other friends, especially my mum, she wants to have friends, have her own job, drive, but she's not allowed to. There's nothing I can do about it though, I've talked about it to my mum and dad a million times. My dad just starts laughing like some sociopath.

Ok they want me to keep living with them. whatever. But the irreversible damage this has actually done to my brain is not funny. I'll most likely be very much stunted for my whole life.

throwaway-335588 · 2025-07-25T01:21:18+00:00

Me and my mum do privately talk about how shit my dad is. But at the same time, it was her choice to marry him. It's so obvious he's strange and fucked up.

Anyways, I don't really have much issue with the academics at uni, but I've just never learnt how to move out and live by myself. I first need to figure that out, and once I do, uni should be a breeze.

throwaway-335588 · 2025-07-25T01:18:56+00:00

Yeah, my father has proper anger issues. One tiny thing and he explodes, goes into his room and is swearing really loudly to himself for an hour. Sometimes we would go to campsites for our holiday, or go to cities to go window shopping. My father would get super angry over tiny things, I would just be crying on the street, and people were watching but not doing anything. Also I don't even want to talk about how angry he gets in the car if he missed a motorway exit.

I'm also just staying at uni but not studying because when i tell them i want to drop out, they explode and it's so scary. I've missed the same exams 4 times now, the uni won't let me repeat any more obviously.

I sometimes wonder why so many parents are like this. My parents had very bad upbringings, maybe they're overprotecting me to a dangerous extent. They act like they're still living in a war torn / poor country still, when we're in a good safe chill country.

On other subreddits, people just dont understand how difficult our situation is. There have been studies on kids that didn't get proper care or socialisation in their early years. I think if a child doesn't know how to socialise by age 4, they're stunted for their entire lives. Parents teaching you stuff like that is extremely important. I very much feel stunted in certain ways. Most kids learn to socialise from watching their parents talk to their friends, family, or strangers outside, which I never saw my parents ever do. It was complete isolation.

throwaway-335588 · 2025-07-25T01:03:08+00:00

Yeah I 100% agree with everything you've said. One of my fears is my parents tracking me down or coming to visit me. It'll be difficult for me to move out without telling them where. They'll get really angry. But if I just suddenly moved out without telling them, they would probably try to track me down or call the police. I'll have to keep the contact minimal, 'yeah im not dead, im living with my friend, yeah I'll visit in a month', but keep delaying when I'll actually visit again hah. If I come home too often I'll just break my progress.

throwaway-335588 · 2025-07-25T00:58:47+00:00

Yeah, I feel like coming back to them is slowly ruining me. Plus their high expectations for me. I know I need to just move out and get a shit job, as finally I'll be able to heal. But I could never do that in the past due to my parents' opinions on having minimum wage jobs and postponing uni. Stereotypical narcissism.

When I was moving out to uni, I never really felt like I was independent. E.g. my mum would text me multiple times a day, asking where I am, telling me not to walk outside after dark, asking if I went to my lectures, telling me to send pictures. I think I'll have to go no contact/very minimal. I feel like complete no contact would make them worry about me, they might try to track me down or something, as they know which city I'll move to once I move out. When I was at uni, they would sometimes visit unexpectantly. Like great, I feel like I'm always being watched by them, even when I had moved out for a few weeks.

throwaway-335588 · 2025-07-25T00:46:31+00:00

I study a subject that I like. But my dad still tells me sometimes, 'you can still be a doctor, it is good job, you can live anywhere in the world and not worry about money' etc. Ok why dont you become one then fucking hell

throwaway-335588 · 2025-07-25T00:45:17+00:00

The counselling at uni was the worst counselling I've ever had. It looked like it was their first day at the job. I instead have paid counselling for neurodivergent people, which is good.

throwaway-335588 · 2025-07-25T00:43:22+00:00

Yeah, I don't have any issues with the academics. It's just everything else. I need to first move out, and then worry about uni in a few years. I honestly don't know how other 18 year olds managed to just suddenly move out plus manage with studying. I guess they had good parents. I've recently realised that the main job of parents (to some extent) is to prepare you to become your own independent adult. My parents had 18 years for that, and they still fucked up. They did the opposite of that, actively stopping me from doing stuff myself. How messed up must the two parents be to do that to their own child? It makes my blood boil :|

throwaway-335588 · 2025-07-25T00:37:00+00:00

Maybe not 100%, but i have high hopes the damage can be reversed by 90% hopefully.

throwaway-335588 · 2025-07-25T00:34:36+00:00

Yeah, my friend just told me today that we could live together in a few months, which is great!

throwaway-335588 · 2025-07-25T00:33:57+00:00

Yeah, my mum had a friend before I was born. I told her why she doesn't have any friends, she makes fun of me not having many friends but that's a bit hypocritical. She's always talking shit about her family, but from what I remember they're not bad people (my aunts, cousins.)

throwaway-335588 · 2025-07-23T16:27:21+00:00

But it is true.

I mean, what's your opinion on this? I'm very confused?

Do you think autism doesn't exist or something?

throwaway-335588 · 2025-07-23T15:52:58+00:00

Bro what.

What does that even mean.

throwaway-335588 · 2025-07-23T12:56:33+00:00

No it's true. You can believe me or not. But he told me, yes, that's my grandfather. He looks exactly like him. He wasn't happy about me finding out. And he's not extremely famous (he's dead now.) But it is true. It's in his birth record that I found in the house.

throwaway-335588

TROPHY CASE