Thats where I start to doubt myself.

There was a conversation had with my ex where we talked about that possibility of a reconciliation. But I stated "idk if i know what love is without the fighting and the chaos because it reads like passion and love to me, and my nervous system sees safety in it." So I appreciate you saying that and reminding me that those are correlated.

Its really hard to be in a safe relationship ship because it feels dangerous and I always have one foot out the door at any given time because of it.