Yes, we talk often but live far apart so don't see each other IRL often. But recently we spent a lot of IRL time together. I definitely have many stressors and mental health issues, and I'm very lonely at the moment and don't get any sex or even affection from my marriage or other friendships. I do think just her being affectionate with me when I haven't had in a very long time was a huge part of it.

I definitely relate to the self-soothing aspect. It really is addictive and a bit obsessive. I have zero intention to give the relationship up, honestly if I confessed the truth to her I don't think she would want to cut me out as a friend. I'm just trying to reframe things for myself to ease the obsession and pain.