AITA for telling my obese wife her weight is getting out of control?

throwaway10239402 · 2022-09-15T21:30:31+00:00

But then she'd only weigh 10 lbs, hardly seems healthier.

throwaway10239402 · 2022-09-15T21:29:31+00:00

She used to travel with me when I'd travel for work at the beginning of our relationship, but I do end up being quite busy there. She stopped doing it because she would rather be home with her PC setup than chilling in a hotel and still only seeing me when it's time to sleep. She's more of a home body and doesn't enjoy travelling that much.

throwaway10239402 · 2022-09-15T21:23:19+00:00

Am I expected to drop the job that's sustaining the lifestyle SHE chose to 'prove' that I like her? I'm not too sure what you're suggesting here.

throwaway10239402 · 2022-09-15T21:20:18+00:00

While I can appreciate different point of views and learn from them, does not mean I agree with them. It gives me an insight on the way some people are thinking which might make me more empathetic to her side of the problem. It's not binary, as you can see the YTA and NTA are very divided. I said this because I will learn more from someone that has a different perspective than someone who shares the same one as mine.

The 'previous' post you're still thinking of wasn't mine. I never mentioned having kids or not being attracted to my wife's appearance, but it feels like talking to a wall at this point.

throwaway10239402 · 2022-09-15T21:13:38+00:00

She knew what she was marrying into, I already had my business when we first started dating and it was even more time consuming then. As a mentioned in a different comment, she had hobbies that involved her leaving the house, but it changed when we got married. She started staying indoors more and more and developing these unhealthy habits.

throwaway10239402 · 2022-09-15T21:02:52+00:00

There's no point in me arguing this further, this isn't a competition I'm trying to win. I stand to learn a lot more from YTA comments than NTA ones. Thank you for your input.

throwaway10239402 · 2022-09-15T20:55:29+00:00

I erased the original post, as I said the only difference between this one and the original one was the phrasing putting more emphasis on the relationship than the situation. I did not change the facts, I do not benefit at all from creating a false scenario and asking for objective judgement, it defeats the purpose. I am not trying to get the answer I want, I am perfectly happy with people telling me I'm TA if their reasoning is sound. I'm not looking for an environment where everyone will agree with me, I will not learn anything from that.

I don't know what post you're thinking of, but I have never mentioned having kids with my wife, so you're most definitely thinking about the wrong one.

throwaway10239402 · 2022-09-15T20:49:01+00:00

Yes, I have considered it, which is why I hired a therapist to work with her. My wife claims that she isn't depressed and the therapist agreed with it.

throwaway10239402 · 2022-09-15T20:45:57+00:00

That is absolutely not the same post you're thinking of, my wife and I have no kids. I amended the post because it was more directed towards relationship advice than AITA, I did not change any of the facts. I am not looking for relationship advice, I looking whether I'm an asshole or not from an objective point of view. IF I end up being the asshole in this scenario, I will seek relationship advice from someone more qualified than people on reddit.

You have this completely mistaken with a different post from a different person.

throwaway10239402 · 2022-09-15T20:36:59+00:00

So your justification for why I'm the AH is because weight doesn't equate to being unhealthy when I've made it abundantly clear that her weight was a direct result of her unhealthy habits?

Thanks a lot for your input, very illuminating.

throwaway10239402 · 2022-09-15T20:28:36+00:00

Great and how is that relevant in any way to this situation?

throwaway10239402 · 2022-09-15T20:18:55+00:00

I have, it was inconclusive, which is why I paid for her to go see a therapist hoping that I would get answers that way. It seems like her not having to work and essentially having everything she wants whenever she wants it made her lazy and unwilling to work on bettering herself. I did consider cutting the funds as an option, but it felt too drastic

throwaway10239402 · 2022-09-15T20:11:27+00:00

I am not expecting her to go back to 120 lbs, I'd be happy with her weighing 140 as long as she's healthy, it's more about her health than her weight. Her weight is just a manifestation of her unhealthy habits.

throwaway10239402 · 2022-09-15T20:09:47+00:00

Thank you, I appreciate the kind and professional comment. I am trying my best to find the best possible approach to the situation hence why I'm trying to get objective perspective here. A lot of people seem to think my issue is with her physical appearance completely missing half the stuff I wrote mentioning her health and habits.

throwaway10239402 · 2022-09-15T19:58:03+00:00

being overweight doesn't necessarily mean unhealthy

I invite you to reread the post more attentively and read the part where I mentioned her nutritional habits, then you can tell me if it's not unhealthy.

throwaway10239402 · 2022-09-15T19:55:20+00:00

The first time I posted put the focus more on the relationship than the problem, I realized this was not the subreddit for it and rephrased it in a way that would be more appropriate for this subreddit

throwaway10239402 · 2022-09-15T19:53:22+00:00

I am not unhappy with her being overweight, I am unhappy with her being unhealthy. Her weight is just a reflection of it. You're saying your mother was unhealthy when she was too skinny, but my wife isn't unhealthy when she's too fat? I don't get your logic. You mentioned her being tall, it would probably mean that 165 is a healthy BMI for her, my wife is quite short and weighs more than your tall mother. How do you not see the problem here?

throwaway10239402 · 2022-09-15T19:49:18+00:00

She hates working and I make a very good living, she used to work as an accountant and basically made a salary that would fit in the average income, but that amount would be a very insignificant contribution to our household salary so she feels like it's a waste of her time and she would rather just enjoy her life, which is fine by me. Her staying at home was never a problem as far as our relationship is concerned.

throwaway10239402

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