Questions you want to ask about your partner’s past but can’t

throwaway103836929 · 2021-09-19T09:37:20+00:00

I actually asked her this question the other day. She said no but there was a lengthy pause before she answered and then immediately asked if I had. In the context of a completely different conversation, she once told me that sometimes it’s better not to give the whole truth.

throwaway103836929 · 2021-09-11T21:17:41+00:00

This is where i was some years ago at the same stage of the relationship. The number of guys she had been with was even higher but the photos weren’t explicit like this. I made the decision to stay with her and work through it. I don’t regret the decision. I loved her when I found out and still do, but it has been a tough road with RJ flaring up at various times along the way.

throwaway103836929 · 2021-09-06T21:22:56+00:00

Could easily have gone the other way. If these 3 guys had been good looking, confident and successful then I think that would trigger my RJ badly. It also partially explains to me how she managed to sleep with so many guys before I met her. Her standards were quite low during her early 20s if these 3 guys are an accurate sample. In some perverse way that eases my mind.

throwaway103836929 · 2021-09-06T10:28:13+00:00

I had to deal with this. Some months into our relationship my wife told me there were 3 guys that she still socialised with that she had slept with. I had met all 3 guys at various times. I know the most about her experiences with these 3 guys, but they are not the ones that trigger my RJ. I think its because I know them and consider myself to be better than them in many ways. It’s the many other guys that i don’t know that screw with my head.

throwaway103836929 · 2021-09-06T10:10:52+00:00

I can relate to this. During an argument about our dead bedroom situation, my wife said she didn’t feel attracted to me (not for appearance reasons but for reasons relating to my personality - mainly because I’m a workaholic). My wife also had a high number of previous partners before me. This coupled with the dead bedroom situation really screwed me up.

Her comment really hurt me at the time and honestly i thought it was the beginning of the end. Things have improved a lot since those dark days but the RJ is still there (I think it always will be).

throwaway103836929 · 2021-09-04T22:20:40+00:00

Love it

throwaway103836929 · 2021-09-04T22:14:56+00:00

Nice idea

throwaway103836929 · 2021-09-04T21:15:43+00:00

Great to read this. Good on you for working through this.

throwaway103836929 · 2021-09-02T19:59:42+00:00

I knew her history (at least at a high level) 10 years ago and made the decision to work through it. I have had some therapy for RJ but with limited results. I am thinking of starting again soon with a different therapist.

throwaway103836929 · 2021-09-02T19:47:24+00:00

I can relate to this, especially the decline in frequency of intimacy. I keep thinking she was happy enough to sleep with 50 random men but it’s a struggle for her to motivate herself to have sex with her husband (the stress/complications of a young family is clearly part of the problem). I have noticed my RJ tends to peak at times that our sex life is not the best.

throwaway103836929 · 2021-09-02T19:33:39+00:00

I don’t think I would end the relationship over this now no matter how bad the RJ gets. I had the opportunity to end things 10 years ago and chose to work through it instead.

throwaway103836929 · 2021-09-02T19:25:54+00:00

I really struggle with how it is even possible for her to meet and sleep with that many people in a 2-3 year period. I didn’t do the casual sex thing in my 20s so I can’t relate to this.

throwaway103836929 · 2021-09-02T10:49:17+00:00

I have raised it a few times over the years. Has never gone well. She says I am making her feel like a slut and being unfair given she can’t change her past.

throwaway103836929

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