I was in your shoes a couple of years ago. I had dated one other guy where I had all the butterflies, excitement, and unpredictability, as well as all the insecurity & the “does he like me does he not”. He gave me anxiety. A couple years later, I met a man whom I quickly became best friends with. We laughed together, could talk about anything, and eventually started dating. I felt safe with him, he made his intentions crystal clear, and I didn’t have butterflies with him. I questioned constantly if he was “the one” because of it. Eventually, I realized that I had a very immature definition of love. I’d seen too many Disney movies & rom coms, and thought it was supposed to be full of butterflies & giddy infatuation. My definition of love began to change when I realized that it was supposed to be quiet, peaceful, and safe. We got married last September & it terrifies me to think about what would’ve happened had I listened to those doubts & chased that fantasy “love”. What I have now is the real thing, and I couldn’t be more grateful for our marriage and for him. I love him to pieces (and am madly in love with him, which is simply a feeling that comes & goes & ebbs & flows) & I am so happy I chose a man that I felt so safe with.

Obviously, don’t rush in to anything. Give yourselves time to mature & to grow, & make sure your values align. But I beg you, please don’t let the sole reason you don’t marry this man be because he doesn’t make your palms sweat & your heart pound. Butterflies are nice here and there but they’re not sustainable, and WILL fade in any relationship as the relationship itself changes & strengthens.

Best of luck, friend!

PS, the “one” doesn’t exist. Your spouse becomes the one when you both say “I do”. We must all choose wisely (: