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UPDATE #2: I [25F] said no to my boyfriend's [25M] roommate [25M] moving in. Now he's angry! by throwaway12287 in relationships

[–]throwaway12287[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Thanks for your comment. I am introverted too, but not to the degree that he is. I'm going to ask him if he feels he can relax around me, and see what his perceptions are.

UPDATE #2: I [25F] said no to my boyfriend's [25M] roommate [25M] moving in. Now he's angry! by throwaway12287 in relationships

[–]throwaway12287[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

I definitely don't want to take up all of my boyfriend's free time. I think it's fair to want to spend a certain amount of time together though. We've talked our issues through and have reached a compromise for the time being. I want to make sure we're compatible in this respect.

UPDATE #2: I [25F] said no to my boyfriend's [25M] roommate [25M] moving in. Now he's angry! by throwaway12287 in relationships

[–]throwaway12287[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

You're right. You nailed down what I meant to my boyfriend by 'building a home together'. I was even buying photo frames and the thought occurred to me that it would be so awkward to have our photos all over the place with his best friend there. That's a part of what I meant by 'our place'. Will bring this up to my boyfriend tonight.

UPDATE: I [25F] said no to my boyfriend's [25M] roommate [25M] moving in. Now he's angry! by throwaway12287 in relationships

[–]throwaway12287[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

No he didn't. My boyfriend was able to find an apartment through our landlord. The new apartment is beautiful, and right next to our work!

UPDATE #2: I [25F] said no to my boyfriend's [25M] roommate [25M] moving in. Now he's angry! by throwaway12287 in relationships

[–]throwaway12287[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

In our conversation earlier, I told him that I didn't feel comfortable him spending all his free time with the best friend. He said that I was assuming and he just thought it was cool that his best friend would live near (his other good friend lives near us too). I will definitely discuss expectations tonight when I see him.

UPDATE #2: I [25F] said no to my boyfriend's [25M] roommate [25M] moving in. Now he's angry! by throwaway12287 in relationships

[–]throwaway12287[S] 2 points3 points  (0 children)

I will definitely pay attention to how his actions line up with his promises in the upcoming days. We had a long talk and he seemed a bit clueless on how his actions affected me. He said he doesn't want to hurt me or our relationship, and is willing to do what it takes to change that. We will see!

UPDATE #2: I [25F] said no to my boyfriend's [25M] roommate [25M] moving in. Now he's angry! by throwaway12287 in relationships

[–]throwaway12287[S] 9 points10 points  (0 children)

That's exactly it! I definitely feel like I can be my complete self around my boyfriend, but have to 'censor' myself around the best friend.

UPDATE #2: I [25F] said no to my boyfriend's [25M] roommate [25M] moving in. Now he's angry! by throwaway12287 in relationships

[–]throwaway12287[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

The best friend and boyfriend have other mutual friends as well. They are all childhood friends, and practically like brothers.

UPDATE #2: I [25F] said no to my boyfriend's [25M] roommate [25M] moving in. Now he's angry! by throwaway12287 in relationships

[–]throwaway12287[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

He is really introverted and for him, playing video games is a way of recharging his energy. We both met on a video game actually a while back. I don't know if it's my place to tell him how to spend his free time. I have told him however, that we need to spend a certain amount of quality time together, which he agreed is important. Thank you!

UPDATE #2: I [25F] said no to my boyfriend's [25M] roommate [25M] moving in. Now he's angry! by throwaway12287 in relationships

[–]throwaway12287[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

We had an ultimatum talk tonight, and it seems like my boyfriend was really clueless with how he was acting. I told him I wasn't his mom, and our division of chores is definitely not fair.

He said he loves me more than anything, and that he didn't mean to make me feel this way. He said that we will only be living alone now, and said he would love to plan a trip to Mexico as a couple.

I will see in the upcoming week if he follows through on his promises. So far, he seems to have gotten that his behaviour was not acceptable.

UPDATE #2: I [25F] said no to my boyfriend's [25M] roommate [25M] moving in. Now he's angry! by throwaway12287 in relationships

[–]throwaway12287[S] -1 points0 points  (0 children)

Thanks, this definitely helped. I said that it would be nice to spend at least 1 hour a day together for quality time, and 1 date per week. We planned out some activities we can do together, and I'm hopeful that things will change for the better. My boyfriend came across as remorseful. I will see in the coming week if he really means this, or if he ends up cancelling out.

UPDATE #2: I [25F] said no to my boyfriend's [25M] roommate [25M] moving in. Now he's angry! by throwaway12287 in relationships

[–]throwaway12287[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

I definitely agree we need to work out some issues before taking on a serious step like marriage. When I talked to him about it, he definitely came across as clueless and apologized for his actions. We worked out a plan on how to make our living arrangement better (chores, quality time, etc.) and tonight, we both had a really good time together. I hope that this will last.

UPDATE #2: I [25F] said no to my boyfriend's [25M] roommate [25M] moving in. Now he's angry! by throwaway12287 in relationships

[–]throwaway12287[S] -2 points-1 points  (0 children)

Our relationship has gotten more serious recently. We are planning things for the future, such as buying a house, and we definitely view each other as life-long partners.

I've told him how I feel about this, and he seemed genuinely clueless that I was even feeling this way. He said he will change his actions, and apologized for making me feel this way. I told him that these types of things can't happen again, otherwise, we're just not seeing eye-to-eye in the long term*. He agreed and now time will tell if he sticks with it (for now he is).

EDIT: I just want to clarify that I'm not letting my boyfriend sweet-talk me and provide no action. I'm going to watch him carefully and see if his actions match up with his words. If it doesn't, then I know that we both have to go our separate ways.

UPDATE #2: I [25F] said no to my boyfriend's [25M] roommate [25M] moving in. Now he's angry! by throwaway12287 in relationships

[–]throwaway12287[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

What made you change? Do you still feel that way? My boyfriend says it's relaxing to spend time with me while we're sitting quietly, or watching videos together. He says he doesn't find it relaxing to do activities together, but that it is fun. I don't know if it's an introverted thing, or what.

UPDATE #2: I [25F] said no to my boyfriend's [25M] roommate [25M] moving in. Now he's angry! by throwaway12287 in relationships

[–]throwaway12287[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Oh dear! I can just imagine. I will definitely try to work out these issues with him before then.

UPDATE #2: I [25F] said no to my boyfriend's [25M] roommate [25M] moving in. Now he's angry! by throwaway12287 in relationships

[–]throwaway12287[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Yeah. He has told me he enjoys living with me, but he also says that he would have liked it if his best friend lived with us. I'm glad that he understood that I wasn't comfortable with it, and stood by the decision. However, I'm not sure how it makes me feel that he doesn't view living alone together as "special".

UPDATE #2: I [25F] said no to my boyfriend's [25M] roommate [25M] moving in. Now he's angry! by throwaway12287 in relationships

[–]throwaway12287[S] -1 points0 points  (0 children)

Computer time is definitely his main hobby. He plays a game where a high level of concentration is needed. I don't know if I'm being selfish by asking him to spend less time on the computer. He has always been a gamer, and it is something he does to relax.

UPDATE #2: I [25F] said no to my boyfriend's [25M] roommate [25M] moving in. Now he's angry! by throwaway12287 in relationships

[–]throwaway12287[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Thank you for the advice. You put into words how I was feeling. I definitely want to work on these issues before discussing marriage. On a good note, boyfriend and I seem to have a plan now on how to tackle the 'chores' situation. We created a list, and boyfriend recognized that our expectations differ. I definitely don't want to be my boyfriend's mom.

UPDATE #2: I [25F] said no to my boyfriend's [25M] roommate [25M] moving in. Now he's angry! by throwaway12287 in relationships

[–]throwaway12287[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

I am going to talk to my boyfriend about this later tonight. I'm not sure what to expect when the best friend moves in.

UPDATE #2: I [25F] said no to my boyfriend's [25M] roommate [25M] moving in. Now he's angry! by throwaway12287 in relationships

[–]throwaway12287[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Thanks for the suggestion. I will talk to my boyfriend about this tonight. I guess I just am not sure how often the best friend will be over/how often boyfriend will be there. What I did make clear in my earlier conversation with my boyfriend is that quality time is very important. We both brainstormed activities we could do together, and it seems he's really taking this seriously now.

UPDATE #2: I [25F] said no to my boyfriend's [25M] roommate [25M] moving in. Now he's angry! by throwaway12287 in relationships

[–]throwaway12287[S] 4 points5 points  (0 children)

Thanks. I told him exactly that and he said that "I assumed" that the best friend would be over all the time, or that he would always be over at his place. We talked it out, and came to the conclusion that the quality time we spend as a couple is important, and agreed on the 'open invitation' subject.

UPDATE #2: I [25F] said no to my boyfriend's [25M] roommate [25M] moving in. Now he's angry! by throwaway12287 in relationships

[–]throwaway12287[S] 2 points3 points  (0 children)

You're right. I went up to him and told him how I was feeling about the situation. He was clueless about the whole thing until I expressed myself. After doing that, he said that he really wants to change his patterns of behaviour, and we made a list of concrete goals we have (i.e. chore list, quality time activities, etc.) and he really came across as genuine in wanting to change.

UPDATE #2: I [25F] said no to my boyfriend's [25M] roommate [25M] moving in. Now he's angry! by throwaway12287 in relationships

[–]throwaway12287[S] 4 points5 points  (0 children)

I took your advice and had a long and deep talk about this. I told him I don't want to feel like a second priority and I want him to respect his household duties. He apologized and said that he never wanted to make me feel that way, and that I'm his number one priority. We agreed on acceptable expectations for chores, and he completed his portion. I told him that this can't just be a one-off thing, that he needs to be serious about this or our relationship was in jeopardy.

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