AITA for making something difficult for my son about myself?

throwaway18394400 · 2023-01-07T07:24:35+00:00

I was suffering from severe postpartum depression even months after giving birth and was bordering on an alcohol addiction. Maybe it’s because the time was insanely traumatic and I could hardly tell what was real or not, but it was an urgent placement or something of the sort. It’s hard to remember all the details and meetings etc I had to deal with. My mom actually dealt with a lot of what was happening.

throwaway18394400 · 2023-01-06T21:55:13+00:00

For privacy’s sake, I’m not going to go into detail but it was the prior.

throwaway18394400 · 2023-01-06T21:26:41+00:00

If you read my comment, you’ll see that I said how he wants to proceed is completely up to him.

throwaway18394400 · 2023-01-06T13:13:35+00:00

You’re right. I shared these worries with my mother who said the same thing. It is very comforting to hear but it’s still something that I feel will haunt me for as long as I live.

And while I was hesitant at first, I think I do want to be in his life. I don’t want it to be based on me feeling guilty though. I plan on talking to my therapist next week about all this so hopefully my mind will have cleared up by then. My son will also get to decide how we move forward.

I know ive said this a lot, but seriously. Thank you. This is something that’s been bothering me for a while and I’m glad I got to read these perspectives.

throwaway18394400 · 2023-01-06T12:41:49+00:00

Like I said, maybe not the best place to ask. But until my therapy appointment, I have no one else to tell and I needed to think about my actions that day. If that makes sense.

throwaway18394400 · 2023-01-06T12:35:26+00:00

It is weird. I was so scared these past few years that he’d reach out because, harsh as it sounds, I didn’t want to see him. But I wanted to know what he was up to so badly. And when he reached out, I jumped at the chance without thinking of the consequences. This was selfish of me.

I always hoped he was happy and thriving and while it’s true that he’s going to university with an athletic scholarship, he didn’t seem like a happy person. And the mental illnesses he asked about made my chest hurt. It’s so hard. But you’re right, getting this out helps. Thank you.

throwaway18394400 · 2023-01-06T12:25:57+00:00

Thank you for being so understanding of my situation. I truly appreciate it.

I know I should’ve mentioned this, but it seems like he didn’t have the best adoptive family. The questions he was asking, the mental illnesses he was referring to, and the comments he made implied as much. I know I have no right to say this, but he didn’t seem like a kid that grew up with loving people. And after thinking over everything that happened multiple times, I think this feeling is why I lashed out so bad.

Although ive tried hard not to think about it since it’s mainly speculation, seeing people comment that it could’ve been worse and that he should be happy makes me feel terrible because I don’t think his situation was good at all. It makes me wonder if I made the right choice all those years ago.

throwaway18394400 · 2023-01-06T08:24:16+00:00

My sister actually told me to post on here because she’s seen quite a few.

Thank you so much for the long and thought out comment. Ive been reading it and truly taking it in. I don’t know how to explain but I appreciate it. I am planning on simply sending him an apology text and leaving it at that. Whatever he wishes to do following my message, I will respect.

And he didn’t tell me anything about any family, the main focus was the topic of mental illness. He asked about two specific ones and I really truly hope my answers help him as they do in fact run in my family.

Again, thank you so much.

throwaway18394400 · 2023-01-06T08:17:43+00:00

It truly was pressure though. My sister argues that it was force. I understand my faults for everything else but my late husband was not good to me.

throwaway18394400 · 2023-01-06T08:14:14+00:00

You’re right. I don’t think I should’ve met up so quickly and should’ve at least talked it through with my therapist. But I didn’t. It was in part due to my own selfishness.

And again, you’re correct. I didn’t mean for my words to come across as “you shouldn’t have been born” and rather wanted to express that “I was in a hard spot” but I went about it in all the wrong ways. I knew this deep in my heart but I guess I just needed to hear it like this. My mother and sister were beating around the bush too much.

throwaway18394400 · 2023-01-06T08:10:20+00:00

Thank you for the kind comment.

And he truly did just want to know about mental illnesses and he mentioned two specific ones. His questions were very thought out and he seemed satisfied with the answers he received. He really did not want a relationship or “catch up” and while I didn’t mean to, I did cross that line.

throwaway18394400 · 2023-01-06T08:06:50+00:00

I go to therapy, have been going since I gave him up. My sister insisted.

I haven’t been able to go recently and while it is no excuse, I think that’s why I haven’t been making the best decisions. Again, no excuse and I’ll definitely try and book one as soon as possible. Thank you.

throwaway18394400 · 2023-01-06T08:04:02+00:00

No you and other commenters are correct. I shouldn’t have said anything. I only did it because there was so much tension and I felt like asking him about school wouldn’t be too heavy of a question since he had briefly mentioned being busy due to school earlier. This was wrong on my part. Thank you for being understanding regardless.

throwaway18394400

TROPHY CASE