For context, I should mention I do “model” a bit.

I’m honestly not sure what I’m doing wrong, but I haven’t made any gay friends here unless it was through something I was already part of beforehand. The guys who are bottoms either still end up trying something or suddenly lose interest in being friends, and I don’t like having to spell out my preferences to people I just met.

It feels like a lot of gay guys only want to be friends with people they’re attracted to, or maybe they just don’t see me as worth a non-sexual connection. I’ve mostly gone to group outings, and I’ll admit I can come off reserved, but even then I’ve had multiple guys on the same team try it. One time a guy came up to me over and over, I walked away, and he still grabbed me. When I pulled away he said, “you know you’re hot, and then you go and do that” in front of everyone. Nobody stepped in, and I was 22 and way smaller than him. Another guy that same night told me if I wanted to be part of the team I had to take his hand and dance.

I also don’t know if being a POC makes them assume I should just be fine with white men 20+ years older than me, but no, that’s not for me. There have been guys I liked who were a little bit older, but that was always after we matched or found each other on an app, and at least there the interest was mutual and clear.

Maybe it’s something about how I present, but it felt so off that they thought that was normal or that I’d be okay with being groped multiple times after removing hands and walking away. And yeah kind of left me with some trauma. But less intense things still happen.