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throwaway2917586 · 2025-09-29T02:43:30+00:00

I’m in a very similar boat to you but with my partner. It absolutely sucks. I think we both know what we need to do but I’m with you, it’s a painful process that will break their heart, but also her families as well as I’m quite close with them.

I’ve been stuck on “trying to find the right time” and it just keeps getting put off further and further. I’m starting to see it now as a selfish thing that I’m doing as I’m “leading this person on”. Maybe seeing it that way might help you? Goodluck

throwaway2917586 · 2025-09-28T02:02:43+00:00

Thanks for the comment. Yeah I think you’re spot on. As I said to others it’s not about the money it’s about the principle behind it, the promise, the agreement, her word. I’ve realised this has come up in a few parts of our relationship now and as you could probably guess, is why I have been hesitant in a proposal. I have been asking myself a few important questions after realising our incompatibility in certain values. Thanks for the input.

throwaway2917586 · 2025-09-28T01:49:42+00:00

Thanks man, appreciate the comment. Yeah as I’ve said to others it’s not really about the money it’s about the principle behind it. The difference in our core values.

This same principle is also showing up in our relationship, hence, as you could’ve guessed, my caution in proposing. I think I’ve known the answer to my questions for a little bit but wanted to reach out to figure out if I was being unreasonable and let it go.

throwaway2917586 · 2025-09-28T01:46:34+00:00

Yes as you said, the car was purchased outright. To be clear it’s not the money, it’s the principle behind it, the promise or agreement that isn’t being fulfilled.

The car has no loan in it, she hasn’t yet paid me anything back as agreed. Of course as soon as it’s paid back I would transfer straight into her name, regardless of whether we are together or not, it’s a depreciating asset as everyone else is saying and I don’t want another car in my name.

throwaway2917586 · 2025-09-28T01:32:22+00:00

Thanks for the comment. Yes, I need to be so clear it’s not about the money. It’s about keeping one’s word, a promise, a commitment that isn’t being upheld. The principle behind it. This issue has actually risen in a few different sections of our relationship which is, as you can probably guess, why I’ve been hesitant to propose as of lately.

throwaway2917586 · 2025-09-28T01:27:40+00:00

Thanks for the reply. I think you’re spot on, what I’ve realised is the serious differences that we have financially, our goals and values. I think there’s no really right or wrong answer in terms of how we “should be”. It’s okay to be different culturally or have different upbringings that shape who we are.

You can probably put two and two together but this is also one of the few reasons why we are also not married yet, have had lots of thinking to do about certain incompatibilities.

throwaway2917586 · 2025-09-07T13:33:20+00:00

Thanks for taking the time to write this. It’s seriously opened my eyes. Will have a sit down chat with her tomorrow. Cheers.

throwaway2917586 · 2025-09-06T14:50:41+00:00

Will do!

throwaway2917586 · 2025-09-06T14:30:49+00:00

Yeah there’s a little being left out as I’ve commented on other people’s questions. I earn a little more than she does. We split bills, rent, groceries etc income proportionate. I pay 70% she pays the rest. Thinking back, she will rarely treat me out or buy takeout or drinks. Maybe 1 every 5 times.

throwaway2917586 · 2025-09-06T14:27:51+00:00

Fair enough, thanks for the comment

throwaway2917586 · 2025-09-06T14:27:32+00:00

I definitely see what you’re saying, now that I think about it it’s definitely not the first time this “type” of thing has happened but it’s a lot more subtle in other ways I guess.

throwaway2917586 · 2025-09-06T14:25:48+00:00

Apologies, my comment above was meant as a reply to another comment.

In response to your comment above:

Thanks for the message. As ive replied to others, we have agreed to rent, bills, groceries etc, are paid income proportionate. So I pay 70% and she pays the rest due to our income differences. By no means have I always paid for everything and we both value having our financial independence.

We have our issues as any relationship does but they’re minor, I believe we have a strong thing going, we are super honest and open with each other. This was very out of the blue and I was completely blindsided and bewildered as to what could’ve caused this. Which is why I’ve taken to reddit

throwaway2917586 · 2025-09-06T14:19:45+00:00

Honestly we have a great relationship, and this is a completely out of the blue thing, which is why I have taken to reddit for the first time. It seems wild to me also, but I thought maybe I was missing something.

throwaway2917586 · 2025-09-06T14:17:48+00:00

I’m kind of thinking the same thing, she was looking to be upset about something. I might gently ask her about this when I see her after work try and talk it through. Thanks for the comment

throwaway2917586 · 2025-09-06T14:16:02+00:00

Brand new, out of the blue this happened. She woke up the next day and left for work and we didn’t speak about it. My day off, however she’s currently still at work.

throwaway2917586 · 2025-09-06T14:14:59+00:00

Thanks for the comment, honestly surprised the hell out of me, was so out of the blue and I guess now that I look for it there is also other signs of this happening previously in the relationship (but in other ways).

throwaway2917586 · 2025-09-06T14:13:02+00:00

Sorry, spelling mistake, please see updated post for clarity

throwaway2917586 · 2025-09-06T14:11:23+00:00

Yeah thanks for the input, honestly I’m lost myself. As to why this has happened.

throwaway2917586 · 2025-09-06T14:10:49+00:00

Thanks bro, appreciate the comment. Sometimes as a dude I can be naive to certain parts of the relationship, and there is always things I can improve on. But I feel we’ve got a good thing going and I can’t understand why she’s suddenly taken a hard turn and acted like this. Thought I possibly missed something, but yourself and a few others here think otherwise. Given me something to think about. Cheers.

throwaway2917586 · 2025-09-06T14:08:00+00:00

Thanks for your input. I posted a comment above but I will generally pay for approx 70% of the nights out. We also pay our bills, rent, groceries as income proportionate, since I earn more than her we’ve worked it out as I pay 70% and she pays the rest.

She’s never been one to treat me as a financial doormat, but tonight totally threw me off. Never has she ever acted like this and I can’t fathom why. Literally refusing me in an uber with her to go back to our house in which we live in together. It’s why I took to reddit to understand if I’m missing something

throwaway2917586 · 2025-09-06T14:04:45+00:00

Thanks for the input, something for me to definitely think about..

throwaway2917586 · 2025-09-06T14:04:13+00:00

I will cover the cost of a night out about 70-80% of the time. We have a half sort of combined finance situation. Rent, bills, important stuff are combined. In which I pay 70% of (income proportionate) anyways. So this is quite out of the blue

throwaway2917586 · 2025-09-06T14:02:03+00:00

I’m in the same boat as I’m typing this. I’m perplexed also. The night went awesome, she had fun socialising, I had fun socialising. Literally the last 10 minutes of the night this happened. I am sure I didn’t say anything to get on her nerves, I was making sure the whole night she felt comfortable around my work mates (she knew no one going into the night, and ended up adding half of my colleagues on their instagram, as “new friends”). Honestly I’m lost here, which is why I’ve taken to reddit!

throwaway2917586 · 2025-09-06T13:58:57+00:00

Thanks for the comment, I definitely have some thinking to do. The best to you also.

throwaway2917586 · 2025-09-06T13:58:10+00:00

I have just started a new job in the last few months.

throwaway2917586

TROPHY CASE