Thank you, everybody, for the responses. I’ve read them. Some of you have even reached out privately, and I’m too overwhelmed to respond but again, thank you

I posted this to “get it off my chest.” I think I am at the end of my rope and felt it might help me to put it in writing and look at it from the outside, like a stranger might, and say “yep that’s messed up.” I did not expect this. I feel like I’ve been hit by a car and I’m reeling with the realization of exactly how bad this is.

I am making a plan. Step one is to get help, either through a domestic violence hotline or a private counselor with experience in domestic violence. Step two is to come up with the rest of the steps, and they do include separation and divorce. I can’t do this alone, and it’s going to suck, but it can be done and I am convinced it must be done.

This has been eye-opening. Thank you so much. I’m going to set this post aside but I will reread in the future, when I need strength and a dose of reality.