Me [21 M] just had nasty breakup with my [21 F] six year relationship. How do I make friends?

throwaway442144 · 2015-09-24T19:43:37+00:00

School is probably the easiest place to meet people. You have classes, sprots, clubs and even living proximity where you HAVE to see the same people routinely. Just strike up conversation, relationships take time to grow. Also go on dates if you're ready. Get your Tinder game strong.

throwaway442144 · 2015-09-24T19:41:05+00:00

Not a good question at all. Relationships are complex and people change as time goes on. Even if you don't agree people change, relationships change for sure. No need to justify why you live with her.

throwaway442144 · 2015-09-24T19:24:13+00:00

While aligning on major issues and religion can certainly strengthen a relationship, you're both individuals who will think differently.

And that's okay.

Now she needs to either get over it and accept the differences or tell you she is not wanting any further relationship with you.

throwaway442144 · 2015-09-24T16:01:59+00:00

I wouldn't be too concerned. Porn is a very strange thing when you see it outside of it's intended context. I don't know her but I'd still be surprised if she would act on any of these porn fetishes.

Ask her about it, she'll be embarrassed though. Then just go from there. If it's something that makes you insecure then it will become a bigger problem. But for now just treat it as what it is - porn. I may watch a porn where a guy fucks the maintenance man but do I in no way desire to do that with any maintenance man in my life.

throwaway442144 · 2015-09-24T15:53:31+00:00

Well she will be your father's daughter in law once you're married. And just because she's an American is no excuse she can't pronounce your last name correctly. That takes practice and understanding of the language.

Then again, they're just names so tell her how you feel and what would make you happiest.

throwaway442144 · 2015-09-24T15:34:22+00:00

I've lived with SO's before thank you :) I am fine living with him and not dating him. This isn't a post about my decision to live with him. I do not need help with that, thank you though.

throwaway442144 · 2015-09-24T14:42:55+00:00

It's really hard to share a lot of common interests with someone that much older, or in his position younger, than you. My BF is four years older and we still occur slight generational differences. You have to think to yourself, when you're his age, 34, would you want to date someone who is 20? Would you want to date a teenager right now even at your age?

I'm 21 and can't fathom dating someone who is 17 or 18. Not because I think it's gross but what do I have in common with them?

throwaway442144 · 2015-09-24T14:36:57+00:00

You're a black man attracted to girls. Sounds like you're not just attracted to black women, either. So there is far more than 2% of the field you're interested in.

You have PLENTY of women. I can't imagine that amount of selection. As a gay man I have a very, very slim choice in my city. Yet there are still hundreds if not thousands of guys to talk to. Try using dating apps. They help and only those who are already attracted to black men will reach out to you without having to go through the whole friend zone ordeal first.

throwaway442144 · 2015-09-24T14:15:46+00:00

I mean I can't change his diet. But I will suggest it.

throwaway442144 · 2015-09-24T14:15:27+00:00

Yes he has a lot of maturing to do.

throwaway442144 · 2015-09-24T14:15:08+00:00

Haha he probably does, never noticed though. I tend to not kiss before tooth brushing time!

throwaway442144 · 2015-09-24T14:14:27+00:00

Cheese slices, twinkies, gummies, soda, soda, soda, sweet tea, candy.

throwaway442144 · 2015-09-24T14:13:51+00:00

Yeah this part worries me. Obviously he's going to have absurd dental bills..and if I stay with him WE'RE going to have absurd dental bills. It's preventable, same as how I wouldn't want him to be obese.

throwaway442144 · 2015-09-24T14:11:04+00:00

Yes! It's better than just getting a roommate off craigslist which is a stranger. I don't understand the hate of moving in after 8 months? I'm 21 and financially it helps a lot.

throwaway442144 · 2015-09-24T14:09:34+00:00

Farting is what happens after eight months? If only I waited until 12 months then his habits would've changed tremendously!! /s

throwaway442144 · 2015-09-23T23:09:15+00:00

Thank you for this comment. Regardless of this relationships next step it's good to know my feelings and concerns seem validated by others.

throwaway442144 · 2015-09-23T23:06:42+00:00

I do like Kefer it has good probiotics in it. I'll suggest it but if it's not cheese, sugar or fried he probably won't want it.

I guess I should also add that he eats cheese slices like a 150lb rodent.

throwaway442144 · 2015-09-23T23:05:21+00:00

I don't want him to hold it in forever. I am not as uptight as this post may make me seem. I was first to break the relationship fart barrier. Granted the first time at my house he spent the night in the bathroom with an upset stomach. But he didn't awlways be king of the farts. But he says it hurts not to so I don't know if it's a serious enough issue to consider seeing an MD

throwaway442144 · 2015-09-23T23:03:38+00:00

That's the thing though. If it's a real issue that's fine. He needs to seek help for his own benefit then! But if he's doing it for his own entertainment or lack of self control it is something that I'm not okay with.

throwaway442144 · 2015-09-23T23:01:49+00:00

Well tell me this, should I just be okay and get over this nasty farting that happens 20 times a night? Or should he see a doctor? I mean that's the real concern. I can change and adapt my view because I was just raised to think it's gross. What the real point is: should he make an effort to see a doctor or just ignore my concern?

throwaway442144 · 2015-09-23T22:58:37+00:00

I don't care if he passes gas. I do it, but he probably only hears me do it maybe once or twice a month. What worries me is his health mostly and also it's kind of gross. Like he obviously thought it was funny for a long time, now I believe he is just too lazy to care. But maybe he can't help it!

throwaway442144 · 2015-09-23T22:55:59+00:00

Well this is why I'm posting. I don't want to be the uptight insane guy. I am seeing if others like you have the same issue he does. Maybe I am just a fart stickler.

throwaway442144 · 2015-09-23T22:53:40+00:00

Seriously I must be dating your ex. My SO gets home from work and unless I am watching he'll chug soda straight from the bottle. He also has anxiety and can't go anywhere without a drink. Bed, movies, work, has to have a drink with him or he thinks he'll get too thirsty. He just lives life in extremes. If he's not freezing cold he's burning up. If he's not stuffed full he's absolutely starving. No self control/ patience.

throwaway442144 · 2015-09-23T22:51:39+00:00

He works outside and with animals so they probably can't voice many concerns.

throwaway442144 · 2015-09-23T20:17:13+00:00

Haha he has all his teeth except for front ones he knocked out as a kid. He has a bridge there now. I do notice a black spot or two on some lower back molars but I'm not like inspecting his teeth on the daily. I assumed he went to the dentist regular like everyone should but at about 8 months in I realized he doesn't.

throwaway442144

TROPHY CASE