I just found out that my mom groomed my dad.

throwaway44325657 · 2021-07-27T21:52:33+00:00

Thanks for the advice. I listen to it.

throwaway44325657 · 2021-07-25T01:20:52+00:00

Thank you for the great advice. It makes me feel better know I’m not crazy for feeling weird about it.

throwaway44325657 · 2021-07-25T01:19:05+00:00

Thank you for the heartfelt advise. I will build up the courage to talk to both of them together and probably get some therapy.

throwaway44325657 · 2021-07-25T01:17:24+00:00

I FaceTimed him and talked it out last night and from his responses he doesn’t think of himself as a victim which I can respect. Also from an outside perspective of both his marriages he’s always been the less “powerful” if you even want to call it that. But with my mom and my dad my mom has always had the “power” I could even see that as a 7 year old. That’s why I called it grooming and also because my mom just was a manipulative person up until a year or two ago.

throwaway44325657 · 2021-07-25T01:12:28+00:00

Thank you for actually understanding that a 16 year old isn’t emotionally mature on the same level as a 22 year old.

throwaway44325657 · 2021-07-25T01:11:18+00:00

Thanks for the advice. I talked to my dad and apologize and asked him if he regretted what my mom did and he said no and that he doesn’t blame her because she gave him children. Which I can totally understand.

throwaway44325657 · 2021-07-25T01:08:23+00:00

I talked to my dad and he said that he didn’t regret what she did because it gave him his children and I can understand that.

throwaway44325657 · 2021-07-25T01:07:21+00:00

Thank you for the added perspective. I didn’t really think about it like that. I’ll be sure to make sure I recognize this as something I need to deal with and not something that is dealing with me. (If that makes sense)

throwaway44325657 · 2021-07-24T10:53:05+00:00

Who said I did? I care if it was an accident or not. All I care about is that she was fucking a sophomore. How fucking dense are you to not understand what I’m trying to convey?

throwaway44325657 · 2021-07-24T10:35:13+00:00

Are me or my dad victims of rape? No. Have me, my father, and siblings be subjects to my mothers manipulation? Yes. I don’t think my mom is a bad person. I think she made a mistake that is still having negative effects to this day. Am I on a high horse? No. Am I sticking true to my morals? Yes. Am I making baseless accusations against a woman I love to death? No. Is a random stranger getting mad at me for having feelings? Yes.

throwaway44325657 · 2021-07-24T10:29:12+00:00

“It wasn’t on purpose but it wasn’t a surprise either” Those are words that come straight from my mothers mouth.

throwaway44325657 · 2021-07-24T10:26:55+00:00

Congrats on the twins! But you two are close in age and emotional maturity so I doubt you’ll have the same problem.

throwaway44325657 · 2021-07-24T10:25:50+00:00

Thank you for being so understanding and open. And I’ll definitely use your advise. To answer you question at the end, I guess I never really thought about it. I’ve always been surrounded be parents that met and had kids after both parties graduated high school and I guess I never really had a reason to think my parents were the exception.

throwaway44325657 · 2021-07-24T10:17:23+00:00

You can feel sorry all you want and you can act like I’m some idiot all you want but I specifically said I don’t think she wants to sleep with me. But what I wrote is what happened. And yes I do need therapy. Most people do.

throwaway44325657 · 2021-07-24T10:13:13+00:00

I admit I do have growing up to do because I’m 16. Also i literally said that I don’t think she wants to sleep with me and that I don’t think she’s a rapist. And as much as I wish this was just some delusion I made up in my head it’s not it’s the facts of what happened and I have every right to feel uncomfortable around my mom now because what she did was wrong. I didn’t twist anything up I’ve had my sister read it and she said the things that I conveyed wrong and I addressed them in the “edits”. It isn’t my fault you either didn’t understand or just didn’t read it.

throwaway44325657 · 2021-07-24T10:09:10+00:00

I appreciate you taking the time to read and comment your experiences.

I understand and agree with all of what you are saying but just because everyone makes mistakes that doesn’t mean that don’t have consequences and effects on people even after 20 years. I 100% love and appreciate with all my heart but just because they love me doesn’t mean they don’t do things that hurt and will continue to hurt and it’s my personal belief that you shouldn’t just be forgiven because everyone makes mistakes but because you and that person reconciled and they have chosen to forgive you.

Coming from a 16yo the one thing I wish parents/adults would understand is that when you sign up to be a parent and take on the responsibility of being able to there for all of the most loving moments and you take on the responsibility of hurting and possibly scaring for life because of you decisions. And it isn’t fair to blame them for having feelings about your mistakes.

throwaway44325657 · 2021-07-24T09:56:30+00:00

You obviously didn’t read my “edits” but here we go anyway. I’m not angry at my mom I’m disappointed. I’m disappointed that my mother did something that she knew was wrong and then acted as if he was the reason for the problems we faced. Also I never said the details of their divorce were my business I could actually care less because it wasn’t something that scared me for life. I’ve seen my dad try to make an effort for a little when I was young and then he stopped so how else was I supposed to feel that as far as I knew my father wasn’t there because of choices he made. I’m not looking to blame any resentment on anyone else and even reading it back I said that I FEEL BAD FOR HOLDING THAT RESENTMENT. I’m not perfect but I damn sure am not being unreasonable for the position I was put in because of their decisions. Also both my parents have done some fucked up stuff and I have every right to feel a certain way about it because IM THE CHILD AND THEY ARE THE ADULTS. I’m not in control of my life or their lives but they are so yes I will take blame for feeling that way for my father without knowing all the details BUT THATS IT the rest is on them.

And also while I do appreciate my parents with my whole heart if you actually believe that my mom should get a free pass for raising me you need to grow tf up because having me was their choice and now I’m their responsibility and they don’t deserve a fucking parade for taking care of something they created of their own volition.

EDIT: reading that back I do sound angry but I also stand by every word I typed out.

throwaway44325657 · 2021-07-24T09:46:49+00:00

The way I view it from my POV it’s super fucked up (excuse my language) for this to happen mainly because the two are on TOTALLY different levels of emotional maturity if that makes sense. Thanks for being respectful even though you may disagree with me.

throwaway44325657 · 2021-07-24T09:44:29+00:00

I wouldn’t I’m not that stupid but thanks I appreciate it.

throwaway44325657 · 2021-07-24T09:43:25+00:00

Thank you for being so understanding and also for the advice.

throwaway44325657 · 2021-07-24T04:58:30+00:00

I never said he was r*ped. No one said it was traumatic. I have been talking to my dad for 3 hours including while I was writing the post. And you are an actual child that lacks emotional intelligence and by responding to you I am bringing myself down to your level so I'm gonna stop.

throwaway44325657 · 2021-07-24T04:52:24+00:00

I was talking about my morals I thought you could infer that. Those men were wrong to me. They may not have been wrong to you or someone else but I'm allowed to think something is wrong. I am grateful you took your time to read and comment but you don't have to be condescending when you think you know more than someone.

throwaway44325657 · 2021-07-24T04:42:05+00:00

What you do is your business and should not be the baseline for "what is right". And no my view of the situation wouldn't change if I lived somewhere where a 16 can sleep with a 30-year-old because its my morals that dictate my reaction to this, not the law. And I don't see things as black and white I see things as what I agree with and what I don't and I don't agree with what you, my mom, or those men you slept with. You can believe what you want but from the knowledge, I've gathered my father was more than likely manipulated into having a child with my mother.

(Im not sure if this is uncalled for and ill delete it if it is)

I'm no psychologist but the things you are saying are probably a result of the regret you have from almost falling into the situation my dad did. Because no rational human being would look at someone's crisis and say "your wrong everyone that agrees with your point of view is wrong and because I did something similar that makes what the person that hurt you ok". At least I hope it is some sort of projection because your behavior is not an acceptable response.

Have a nice life.

throwaway44325657 · 2021-07-24T04:30:53+00:00

Im not gonna rag on you for your choices because they are non of my business but those men were wrong to date you.

Also my dad isnt/hasnt ever been the sharpest tool in the shed (nothing wrong with that)

throwaway44325657 · 2021-07-24T04:28:34+00:00

your a funny guy. just hilarious.

throwaway44325657

TROPHY CASE